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Body Image Challenges and Seeing Myself Through My Mother's Eyes Guest Website By: Rachael Delmar Body Image Battles and Mother Body Image Challenges and Mom - Getting folks to open up and discuss their experiences, struggles, hopes and aspirations, is merely among the things that we do at Naturist Portal. But in my opinion, these personal stories are extremely important. When we discuss our most intimate concerns and encounters we not only start to cure ourselves but we help others as well. In this example, I reached out to Rachael in the hopes that she'd be willing to talk and share with us her own personal struggles with body image. As we were reading her post, Felicity asked me why she was willing to reveal some of her most intimate thoughts and experiences. So we determined to ask her, and here is what she said: Body Image Challenges and Mother "I do it because I would like to feel brave, like a survivor. I'd like others to know that no matter what, they're never alone and they have nothing to be embarrassed of. It took me years to be able to do this. I understand how difficult it can be because I 'd to get to the point alone." FKK is not about the "me", it's about the "us" and "we." Together we can help each other move past those issues that hold us back. The only way we can make an impact is if all of US work together to educate folks how to be more accepting and compassionate. Together we expect to educate individuals how to be more tolerant and basically, how to be more human. Again, sharing private body image struggles is tough so let's all show her some support plus some love! Aberrations mirror unfriendly you talk conversationally. mirror mirror they encompass showing distortions hypnotized Unrealistic image burning in head flaming through eyes the visions cloudy If someone were viewing. My Mommy When She Was 19 That someone never fails to be me, viewing myself through my mother's eyes. I dream of the day when I could take a look at my body through the eyes of others who say I am amazing. I remember the first time I faced my soul out loud. If anything, my mom did create a warrior. As I grew, I watched her scream about being fat, starve herself, and berate me for eating too much. She became everything I never needed to be. She tortured herself until she reached 98 pounds. A weight that made her lose her hair, and created the psychosis she endures from today. I can still hear her vomiting a hardly touched meal. She's a ghost within my head whispering into my ear each day. "Don't cure me. Affliction is my me. My horror was you'd set me free." - Frederick Seidel I was too young to understand the meaning behind her compulsions. My innocence was lost. She looked at me and saw her kid as fat. This was the beginning of a life that I never desired. My Mom Now I have always vowed never to be like her. It became my blood oath. I do finally realize that some things cannot release their grip on your insides. By the age of 12, I weighed 120 pounds. I didn't understand the significance of calories. Exercise was a thing we did in school. As a 'chubby' kid, this was a moment I feared every single day. I was surrounded by girls I envied in manners that knew no bounds. I never longed for their high-priced clothing or the ability to catch the sons. I only yearned for their bodies. As the years went by, I grew into a more womanly' body. Yet, I could never erase her voice in my head. By graduation, I was on a mission to become my own girl. I desired, desired, to emancipate myself from her grasp on my spirit. I was so worried about this type of meaningless ideal, that I did not locate myself on the road to graduating college. In the end, this was the one goal she didn't instill in me. Therefore I ran from her and from myself. I trained myself to exude self-confidence that most times I did not feel. I continued this marathon until the age of 21. I believed that if I could metaphorically run, I could kill the sidewalk in addition to my mum's issues. I still recall the day I ran 3 miles without stopping; the time I raced to 9 when my grandfather died. Endorphins became my drug of choice. http://666delf-him.de/HIMwiki/mediawiki-1.15.1/index.php?title=Is-The-Petition-For-More-ClothesOptional-Places-Rewarding-or-A-Big-Waste-of-Time-f . Yoga became my meditation, the flow was like sex. The health club was my safe haven. I began modeling both clothed and bare. A visual to actually try and see what I looked like, through other's eyes, not my own or hers. I started taking courses on nutrition and psychology. I still possess the textbooks. I refer to them as if they're my bibles after I believe I am on a downward spiral. Here is where I found my power and control. I made everything a burn of muscles. I became obsessed. ..still looking in the mirror, scales my enemy. Not listening to anyone, in the past year, I 've gotten down to 107 at 5'6". I don't know the meaning of too skinny. I just know the things that haunt me. My fight is a day-to-day curse every single day. Instead of starving myself, I try and try to be healthy. My only lesson is to try and embrace her and what she made of me. Like the warrior she made of me, I am beginning to possess my body in the right way. I know I will never be free. Yet it truly is like a perpetual fire under my bum. It ignites me to fight and never stop. Most of all to never give up. I now own my muscles at the proud weight of 120. Back to where I began at age 12. The sarcasm isn't lost on me. ;) Rachael Delmar - I'm Empowered! Body Image Battles and Mother as well as other Nudists and Naturists Blog About Body Image Blogs Young Nudists and Nudist Portal FKK