conscious discipline

1. Conscious Discipline 7 Basic Skills for BRAIN SMART CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT by Dr. Becky A. Bailey

2. Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, You find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, and welfare of all beings- That doctrine believe, cling to and take it as your guide. -Buddhist aphorism

3. Definition Conscious Discipline is a comprehensive social and emotional intelligence classroom management program that empowers both teachers and students. Based on brain research Goal is to provide systematic changes in schools by fostering the emotional intelligence of teachers first and children second.

4. Introduction Conscious Discipline offers a relationship-based community model of classroom management. The key is a sense of community. The �school family� is held together through communication skills. These skills are taught during conflict moments in the classroom.

5. The system is based on three major premises: Controlling and changing ourselves is possible and has profound impact on others. Connectedness governs behavior. Conflict is an opportunity to teach.

6. Seven Powers for Self Control Power of Perception-No one can make you mad without your permission Power of Unity-we are all in this together Power of Attention-What you focus on, you get more of Power of Free Will-The only person you can make change is yourself Power of Love-See the best in others Power of Acceptance-The moment is as it is Power of Intention-Conflict is an opportunity to teach

7. Seven Basic Skills of Discipline that come from Self Control Composure-Becoming the person you want children to be Encouragement-Building a school family Assertiveness-Saying �no� and being heard Choices-Self-esteem and willpower Positive Intent-Creating teaching moments Empathy-Handling the fussing and fits Consequences-Helping children learn from their mistakes

8. By using these Powers and Skills a classroom climate is created that models: Seven Essential Live Values Seven Basic Social Skills

9. Seven Essential Life Values Integrity Interdependence Respect Empowerment Diversity Compassion Responsibility

10. Seven Basic Social Skills Anger management Helpfulness (kindness, sharing) Assertiveness Impulse control Cooperation Empathy Problem solving

11. Changing our view of conflict When classroom conflict becomes the core of the social-emotional curriculum, children learn valuable social skills, develop self-discipline and self-control , and are able to focus on schoolwork more effectively. Conflicts represent, for the most part, children who are lacking some essential social skill or emotional foundation to be successful. All conflicts are teaching opportunities

12. #1 Composure Being the person you want others to become Power: Power of perception-No one can make you angry without your permission Value: Integrity Purpose: To remain calm enough to teach children how to behave by example Brain Smart: The brain functions optimally in safe environments Emotional Development: Anger management is integral to social competence

13. Composure Principles Composure is self-control in action. It is the prerequisite skill adults need to discipline children. Healthy, secure relationships require that we control our own upset. No one makes us angry without our permission. Start each day with stress reduction activities. Your job in the classroom is to keep it safe so children can learn. The children�s job is to help keep the classroom safe.

14. Self- control is mind control Being aware of your own thoughts and feelings-With this awareness, you become the director of your behavior. Without self-control you turn your life over to people, events and things. Self-talk and inner speech continually runs in our heads. Experts estimate that each of us has more than 77,000 thoughts a day. Becoming aware of your own thoughts and feelings is a major accomplishment.

15. Self-control Building willpower over impulse and insecurity is self-control. With self-control you are self-disciplined. Self-discipline will allow you to teach composure by example. YOU CAN NOT TEACH SKILLS YOU DO NOT POSSESS.

16. Teachers who model composure: Focus on what they want the child to accomplish. Celebrate the child�s successes and choices. See situations from the child�s perspective. Creatively teach the child how to communicate her wishes and frustrations with words, and in an acceptable manner. Hold the child accountable to those teachings.

17. Out of control adults: Focus on what they DON�T want to happen (�Stop that this minute!) See only from their own point of view. (�You are driving me nuts!�) Punish rather than teach. (�Go to the office!�)

18. When teachers lose control, no one wins. When you lose control you lose your ability to discipline yourself or your children. For this reason self-control�the awareness of your own thoughts and feelings�must be your first priority as a teacher.

19. No longer can we: Scream at children to be quiet. Attribute negative intent to children�s behavior yet expect children to respect each other. Bicker with other faculty members while demanding children use problem solving strategies. The skill of composure requires we control our own upset and establish a relationship with our thoughts and feelings.

20. Becoming Brain Smart The first three years of life are the most critical period in human neural development. At this time a child learns whether the world is safe and dependable, learns to speak and recognize familiar faces, and learns how to use behavior to interact with others. The brain carefully records and documents our social history. It records our social successes and failures in the language of neurochemistry. Page 42 Becoming Brain SmartPage 42 Becoming Brain Smart

21. Cont. Winning a conflict creates one pattern of neurochemical changes, just as feeling victimized creates another pattern. Being a chronic bully, being a victim or feeling left out, shapes children�s perceptions of themselves and others over time. This view becomes hard-wired into the brain. Based on past experiences, we develop perceptions of what is threatening, what is rewarding, and what we believe we can successfully achieve.

22. Building a balanced alarm system A neurotransmitter is activated under threat called norepinephrine. It sounds the alarm system in the brain preparing a child for a �flight or fight� response. The most sensitive period for the development of a healthy alarm system is the first three years of life. If a child experiences persistent threats and stressors, the alarm system becomes out of balance. It can become oversensitive or undersensitive.

23. Cont. A classroom that dedicates itself to safety will help reduce the triggering of the brain�s alarm system in all children. Psychological safety for children can exist when adults learn to manage their own anger and learn the skill of Composure.

24. #2 ENCOURAGEMENT Power: We are all in this together Value: Interdependence (caring, sharing, kindness and helpfulness) Purpose: To create a sense of belonging for all children. Brain Development: Social successes prime the brain for academic achievement. Emotional Development: Relationships, embedded in a school family, are the motivation and cradle of all learning.

25. Encouragement Principles We are all in this together Contributing to the welfare of others builds self-worth. How you �see� others defines who you are. We are all unique, not special. Some forms of praise can be discouraging. Effective praise relies on describing, not judging. Children need encouragement, especially when they have made �poor � choices.

26. The School Family Conscious Discipline advocates a positive school climate through the creation of the school family. �School Family� is a term that represents a way of thinking about the school environment, not just the activities within it. Children and adults need to feel a sense of belonging. The Power of Unity teaches that what we offer to others, we experience within ourselves. Teaching children to care for others allows them to care for themselves. Page 63 routinesPage 63 routines

27. Step 1> Start the statement with the word �you�. Step 2> Describe in detail what the child did. Step 3> Relate how the child�s behavior helped someone or the entire class. Step 4. End by saying �That was helpful! That was kind�, or � That was caring.� Page 71Page 71

28. �Noticing� examples: �You put all the puzzle pieces back into the box so whoever plays with the puzzle next will be able to be successful. That was helpful�. �You noticed that Becca needed some paper so you offer her some of your own. That was thoughtful.� �You helped Maddie practice her spelling words, so she would be more successful on her spelling test. That was helpful�.

29. Contributing to the welfare of others builds self-worth. Every child in the classroom needs to have a job. Some examples are: Greeter Kindness recorder Encourager New child buddy Wish well leader Service jobs for school or community All children can work to keep the school and playground clean.

30. How you �see� others defines who you are. You can�t give your negative (or positive) thoughts to someone and expect to be rid of them. Your thoughts of others effect both you and them. The manner in which you perceive others ultimately defines who you are. The judgements, criticisms, complaints, encouragement, joy and love that we think we are giving to others� are really gifts to ourselves.

31. A caring school family cannot be created unless teachers change their perceptions of misbehavior and conflict. Self-esteem is not earned through accomplishments, it is created each moment in how we �see� others. If we see others as lacking, we will feel inadequate ourselves. In this state of inadequacy, we experience ourselves as isolated and separate. Seeing the best in others creates worthiness within ourselves. From this state of worthiness, we experience ourselves as connected to others. A teacher then, who has maintained her own self-worth is capable of extending love.

32. Effective praise relies on describing, not judging You will get more of the behaviors on which you focus; your focusing determines what you strengthen within yourself and others. Children ask to be seen, not judged. Example: A child might say �Watch me on the monkey bars.� By saying �Good job��instead of describing the child�s action, you have judged it.

33. Ways praise can be discouraging Too much general, all-encompassing praise can unduly burden the child. General praise can make a child feel pressured to live up to unrealistic standards. If you use praise that relies on value judgments too often, you teach children that �good� equals �pleasing others and �bad� equals displeasing others. If you use praise that focuses on how you think or feel about the child�s behavior, you teach the child to seek approval. Page 81Page 81

34. #3 Assertiveness Power: The power of attention-What you focus on, you get more of Value: Respect Purpose: Set limits and expectations Brain Smart: Telling children what to do aligns their physiology with their will power Emotional Development: Healthy boundaries are essential to healthy relationships

35. Assertiveness Principles: 1. What you focus on, you get more of. 2. When you are upset, you are always focused on what you don�t want. 3. Passivity invites aggression, aggression begets aggression and assertiveness dissipates aggression. 4. Children must learn that they teach others how to treat them. They must learn to assertively deal with the intrusive behaviors of others.

36. Become brain smart As an adult we can make the connection between a negative command (�don�t hit!�) and a positive alternative (�talk through your problems�). Children younger than five or six do not understand conjugated verbs like �don�t�. When you say �Don�t talk with your mouth full� you actually increase the chances that your child will do just that. Your child only will hear �talk with your mouth full�.

37. When you are upset you are always focused on what you don�t want We all get upset The goal is to regain self-control before dealing with children. (pivot) You must discipline yourself first and your children second.

38. Set limits respectfully Assertiveness is a communication skill. When you focus on what you want, assertiveness comes naturally. Without focus you may be passive or aggressive in your limit setting. If you are passive in setting limits (hoping to make children happy to avoid upset), you teach children to allow others to intrude upon them. You create learned helplessness. I

39. Setting limits cont. If you are aggressive in setting limits (hoping to make children mind to avoid conflict) , you teach children to hurt those that intrude upon them. You act as a bully and model bullying tactics. How you choose to set limits with your children defines their psychological boundaries.

40. Reverse negative programming We often tell children what not to do but fail to give information about what to do. Give children usable information. Create descriptive mental images. The brains of young children are governed by mental pictures, not words.

41. Characteristics of a passive person Asks the child questions about his behavior that don�t give usable information. ( Where should you be? Why are you doing that?) Does not follow through on consequences and will adjust events to accommodate the child�s emotions. The next time you talk to me like that you are going to time out!) Gives power away to the child, putting the child in charge of the adult. (When you are ready, I will begin.) Gives children choices when there are none. (It�s time to clean up, okay?)

42. Characteristics of aggressive people Use of �you� statements. (�You children are so selfish�). Using the �always� and �never�. (�You never listen�). View others as attacking you. (�Don�t you back talk me, young lady�). Using empty, punitive threats. (�Now get back to work before I put your name on the board�.) Imposing consequences that are overly severe. (�Detention for two weeks�.) Physically responding to a child out of anger. Shaking or squeezing the child�s arm, jerking, threatening to hit or actually hitting the child.

43. To be an assertive teacher you must: Tell the children what to do. (�Give me the scissors�.) Send nonverbal message �just do it� in the tone of your voice. Be clear and direct. (Give choices only when choices exist.) Give children usable information. Own and express your feelings directly. (�I feel angry when you interrupt me� /assertive) (�Can�t you be quiet while I�m talking�/indirect (passive/aggressive) Speak in concrete terms. Abstractions like good, bad, nice etc. can be confusing for young children. Be specific. Be conscious of the intent behind the communication. Clarity is key.

44. Tattling An opportunity to teach assertiveness instead of helplessness, dependency, aggressiveness or withdrawal strategies. First ask the child who is tattling �Did you like it?� Then give her the exact words to use. (�I don�t like it when you hit me�). Say �Match my voice�. Use firmness Bullies generally don�t tattle--they usually handle situations in their own aggressive manner

45. #4 Choices Power: Power of Free Will-The only person you can make change is yourself. Value: Empowerment Purpose: Empowers children while setting limits. Brain Development: Choice changes brain chemistry so that learning is optimized. Emotional Development: Builds self esteem and willpower; reduces impulsivity

46. Choices Principles: The only person you can make change is yourself. Giving your power away sets you up to blame. Ask yourself, �How do I help the child more likely choose ______,� rather than �How can I get the child to______.� Making choices builds will power and self esteem.

47. The blame game Giving your power away to children sets them up to be �pleasers� or �controllers�. It also sets you up to blame. If we believe we can make others change and we fail to perform our duty we feel inadequate and blame. Change �don�t make me have to� into �I�m going to� and you will reclaim your power as a teacher.

48. (Brain smart) Research indicates that the brain acts differently when choice is offered. Choice changes the brain�s chemistry. When we feel lacking in choices the brain produces norepinephrine )part of the brain�s alarm system). In this state, motivation and morale are low and learning efficiency is poor. Choices trigger the release of the brain�s optimal thinking chemicals. Endorphins increase motivation, reduce stress, creative positive attitudes and foster an �I can� attitude.

49. #5 Positive Intent Power: Power of Love-- See the best in others Value: Diversity Purpose: Create teaching moments especially with oppositional or aggressive children Brain Development: Thoughts physically alter the cells in the body Emotional Development: Improves self-image and builds trust

50. Positive Intent Principles See the best in one another. What you offer to others, you strengthen within yourself. Children are either extending love or call for love (help). Attributing positive intent creates teaching moments by transforming resistance into cooperation. Children cannot behave differently until they are seen differently.

51. Willingness comes from attributing positive intent By attributing negative intentions you subtly attack. Attempting to make a child feel bad about themselves and their choices is a form of assault. This creates a feeling of danger when you try to make them feel bad, wrong, or responsible for your upset. Danger creates conflict as the person becomes defensive, not cooperative. Attributing positive intent is the skill you need to transform opposition into cooperation.

52. By attributing negative motives to children you do the following: Attempt to make the child feel bad for his actions. Focus him on what is wrong or not good enough. Imply that he is deliberately making your life more difficult. Highlight character flaws that he will incorporate into his self-concept.

53. (Brain Smart) You do not have to be conscious of something for it to effect your learning. Researchers estimate that we unconsciously process close to one trillion bits of information per second. Our conscious mind can only process about 50 bits per second. 99% of all learning is unconscious. Intent is something we unconsciously feel that greatly effects our response to others.

54. When you attribute positive intentions to yourself and others you accomplish the following : With children, your continual focus on their best selves strengthens their self esteem. You foster cooperation by joining with someone to solve a problem. The children see you as an ally. You foster a sense of security. When children feel secure they are better able to move from a disorganized internal state to an organized one. You foster responsibility. The child is willing to own his intentions and actions because they do not mean he is bad.

55. Cont. You set the child up for a teaching moment. You plant healthy seeds within the child that help her handle diversity. You encourage the child to develop her own will. You model unconditional love.

56. #6 Empathy Power: Power of Acceptance-The moment is as it is Value: Compassion Purpose: To help children accept and process their feelings so as to see the world from others� perspective Brain Development: Empathy wires the brain for self-control, allowing children access to higher cognitive processes Emotional Development: Empathy is the heart of all emotional intelligence and the key to intellectual development

57. Empathy Principles The moment is as it is. Resisting the moment as it is creates upset. Upset prevents you from giving empathy to others. Empathy is the heart of emotional intelligence. Empathy is about understanding and joining with others, not taking on the pain of others as your own. Until you feel your feelings, you will not allow children to feel theirs.

58. Empathy cont. Empathy is understanding what another person feels and having insight into their thoughts and actions. When you empathize with children, they realize you care about their ideas and feelings. Your empathetic response to a child�s emotions helps her to feel validated and to gain insight into herself. True empathy demands that you listen to children�s feelings and thoughts without needing to change them.

59. When you empathize with children you teach them the following: Self-awareness Self-control Recognition and acceptance of emotions The knowledge that emotions can be expressed to others The ability to label feelings with appropriate words The understanding that feelings influence behavior The realization that relationships are based on mutual esteem and communication

60. Empathy helps organize the brain The brain works as a whole but can be thought of as having three levels: The lower level deals mainly with survival issues and avoiding pain. These lower levels are the brain stem. The middle levels deal mainly with feelings and seeking pleasure. These levels are called the limbic system. The upper levels are more able to see the big picture, can focus on problem solving and seek novelty. These upper levels make the cortex.

61. #7 Consequences Power: Power of Intention-Mistakes are opportunities to learn Value: Responsibility Purpose: Help children reflect on their choices and motivate them to make changes in their behavior Brain Development: The brain thrives on feedback for growth, learning, intelligence and survival Emotional Development: Consequences teach children cause and effect relationships

62. Consequence Principles Mistakes are opportunities to learn responsibility Punishment and rewards rely on judgement. Consequence rely on r intention in administering consequence will determine their effectiveness. Consequences delivered with empathy allow children the opportunity to learn how to be responsible for their choices.

63. Reward-Punishment A reward or punishment is chosen when an adult judges a child�s behavior to be good or bad, then delivers something good or bad to express that judgment. When adults rely regularly on rewards and punishments, children come to depend on the judgment of others as the basis for their own moral decisions. The focus becomes external. �The ultimate side effect is the devastating desire for others to change so that we can be happy.�

64. Consequences Consequences help children think about the effects of their choices, then draw conclusions about the wisdom of their actions. Children can learn to examine their own behavior and make changes until their true goals are reached. �When children see the connection between their behavior and the result of that behavior, learning has occurred.�

65. Awareness is the first step in change Awareness + Acknowledgement + Forgiveness = Change Awareness + Acknowledgement + Punishment = Repetition

66. (Brain Smart) Classroom environments designed on a reward and punishment system are relying on judgment and threat to create order. The brain operates differently when a threat is perceived. Under threat (of either getting the punishment or not obtaining the reward) the brain reacts with increased blood flow and electrical activity in the brain stem (survival centers). When the brain goes into a survival mode it becomes less capable of planning, pattern-detection, receiving information, creativity, classifying data, problem solving and other higher order skills.

67. Reward systems A threat is any stimulus that causes the brain to trigger a defensive reaction or a sense of helplessness. Physical-�Do you want a spanking?� Intellectual-�You have 30 seconds to finish that work.� Emotional-�Go put your name on the board.� �At risk children can easily be threatened by discipline programs based on reward and punishment. They are the ones most likely NOT to receive the reward and most likely TO receive punishment.�

68. Reward systems The part of the brain needed to make changes is located in the frontal lobes. The frontal lobes do not engage when a child perceives that others have control or when they feel pressured to perform. Over time, external motivation programs inhibit problem solving, hinder the ability to delay gratification and inhibit change.

69. Consequences are delivered by teachers with three intentions: The intent is to punish: The goal is to make children feel guilty, wrong or bad about themselves. The intent is to save: The goal is to save children from intense feelings of discomfort, generally because they are uncomfortable for us. The intent is to teach: The goal is to help children to feel, reflect and be responsible for their choices.

70. Side effects Loss of optimal brain functioning due to threat Reduction in long-term quality performance Reduced ability to develop values of caring, respect and friendliness Reduced ability for creative and higher-order thinking Reduced self-confidence Reduction in inner drive and intrinsic motivation

71. Examples: To punish-�You should have known better. Can�t you listen! If you had listened to me, none of this would have happened.� To save-parents run to school with forgotten homework, lunches etc. This sends the message �You are inadequate, and the adult knows best how to run the child�s life. To teach-Allowing children to feel and reflect on their choices gives them the opportunity to be responsible and the freedom to choose better in the future.

72. �Being conscious of your intent when delivering consequences is the key to their effectiveness.�

73. Challenge Instead of viewing people as being good or bad, it is possible to view children as well as ourselves in different terms. The two states of being we all fluctuate between are extending love and calling for love. When we are extending love, we feel whole, complete and peaceful. We feel worthy of giving and receiving love. When we are calling for love, we feel separate, alone, isolated and rejected. Behavior comes out of these states.P

74. 10 Principles of Discipline 1. Know your children 2. Knowledge of how children develop 3. Positive Discipline holds adults accountable as models 4. Positive Discipline demands adults maintain self control 5. We see from the child�s point of view

75. 10 principles of discipline cont. 6. State clearly and assertively what we want and expect 7. Positive Discipline asks that we use discipline as teaching, not to punish 8. Positive Discipline demands that we be in relationship with children 9. Positive Discipline looks for solutions, NOT blame 10. Positive Discipline is always communicated with the intention of love.

76. �Poisonous Pedagogy� Pedagogy is the art and science of teaching. The poisonous pedagogy values obedience above all other characteristics, closely followed by orderliness, cleanliness and the control of emotions and desires. It advocates controlling children at all costs. Conscious Discipline moves from using fear as a teaching tool to guidance through love. We can�t expect that children will be good by our making them feel bad.