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NATURAL HISTORY OF RELATIONSHIPS

NATURAL HISTORY OF RELATIONSHIPS. Communication as a developmental continuum. Stage 1: INITIAL ATTRACTION. STEP 1 : Becoming aware of the other Is X attractive? Attend to the novel/unusual See physical attributes Drawn to the non-threatening See behavior next

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NATURAL HISTORY OF RELATIONSHIPS

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  1. NATURAL HISTORY OF RELATIONSHIPS Communication as a developmental continuum

  2. Stage 1: INITIAL ATTRACTION • STEP 1: Becoming aware of the other • Is X attractive? • Attend to the novel/unusual • See physical attributes • Drawn to the non-threatening • See behavior next • Draw Inferences about person

  3. STEP 2:Deciding to Talk • Will they find me attractive • STEP 3: Exit or continue • Search for similarities • STEP 4: Make Behavior pleasing topartner • Buoy up the other’s Self-esteem • compliment them, attend to them • Render them favors showing your desirability or power • Agree with others • Ascribe positive characteristics to self either directly or indirectly • But, might have to live up to “false” information later

  4. Stage 2: GROWTH STAGE • STEP 1: Commitment to future interaction • Increase proximity =s increased commitment/talk/positive feelings • STEP 2: A Reciprocity norm • Tit for Tat initially • Time for repayment increases over time • STEP 3: Turning points • Greater interaction =s escalators • Decreased interaction =s de-escalators • Accept or reject escalation

  5. Acceptance of escalator has two consequences • Differentiation - other social group begin to see you as a couple - External result • Identification - you identify yourself as a couple - internal result

  6. Stage 3:MAINTAINING A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP • STEP 1: Constraining relational tensions • Competing demands and simultaneous competing tensions affect communication patterns

  7. Tensions • OPENNESS VS PROTECTION • Want to protect our own and their vulnerability, yet want self disclosure that sustains relationship • HONEST VS VALIDATION • To be honest or to support the other person

  8. AUTONOMY VS INTERDEPENDENCE • The need to be together & need to be apart • PUBLIC VS PRIVATE FACE OF A RELATIONSHIP • Pressures to maintain dichotomies of expectations

  9. Predictability vs. NoveltyWe want to be able to predict out partner’s ways, yet also want “new experiences.” • Passion vs. Stability • Seek passion in a relationship, but stability keeps it from burning out as well

  10. STEP 2: Rejuvenating a relationship • Being too certain, non-spontaneous, feel need to spice it up • Rejuvenation strategies • Threats: get excited or get a divorce • Use outside events to pep it up

  11. Stage 4: RELATIONAL DECAY • STEP 1: Intra-psychic stage • Person grapples privately with dissatisfaction • Reach threshold , “I can’t stand this anymore” • Breakup starts with negative, evaluative focus on partner • Based on Steve Duck’s work

  12. STEP 2: Dyadic Phase • Begin to talk only when relationship is in trouble--communication phase • Talk assess joint costs of withdrawal and decreased intimacy--negotiate dissolution • Protracted when negotiation done via avoidance

  13. STEP 3: Social Phase • Public presentation of dissolution to friends/social groups • Tell your story/Gossip in Social networks • Not gossip about relational distress, outside your group; about kin to non-kin; not become too moral/slanderous; be selective • Men offer Sociological reason - “Her friends drive me nuts” • Women offer Interpersonal reasons - “He was oblivious to anything I did”

  14. STEP 4: Grave Dressing Phase • Retrospection about final Attributions - market your account • Go back to one another and endlessly go over it • Narratives important: • to develop understanding • rehearse with persons also dissolving • to re-establish own identification • e.g., “I married the wrong person”

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