Conflict Management 處理衝突

1. Conflict Management處理衝突 Chek-Yat Phoon, PhD, FCollT　潘赤日博士 NSD Education Department　北亞太分會教育部 Venue: HKMC　地點: 港澳區會 Sept 20, 20092009年9月20日

2. It may good to sit on the problem.把衝突壓住，可能是最好解決衝突的方法

3. Objectives目標: • Describe characteristics of conflict. 描述衝突的特徵. • Identify typical responses when needs are violated. 認識當雙方意見不合時的一般反應. • Distinguish among three stages of conflict. 辨別三種不同層次的衝突.

4. Objectives目標: • Define the five conflict handling modes discussed in the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument. 解釋 TKI(Thomas-Kilmann Instrument)裡五個處理衝突的模式 • Review various conflict management resources. 重溫有關處理衝突的資料 • Demonstrate methods to effectively resolve conflict situations. 說明／講解有效處理衝突情況的方法

5. What do you know about conflict?你對衝突了解多少？ Write “True” or “False” next to each statement below… 你認同以下的說法嗎？請寫上「對」或「錯」： • Conflict left alone will take care of itself.遇到衝突時不需理會，問題自會解決。 • Confronting an issue or a person is always unpleasant.衝突時要面對事或人，總會令人不安。 • Conflict within an organization is a sign of poor leadership.機構裡的衝突事件是顯示管理階層領導不力。 • It takes two people communicating effectively to change the direction of a conflict.需要有效溝通才能將一場衝突的矛頭改變。 • Conflict can be constructive.衝突可以成為有建設性。 • How we respond to others and situations is based on the attitude we take.我們的態度會影響我們對人和事的反應。

6. What do you know about conflict?你對衝突了解多少？ • Anger is always negative and destructive.憤怒常是消極和帶破壞性的表現. • Communication is 50% verbal and 50% nonverbal.人與人之間的溝通一半是用言語表達，一半是用非語言來表達的。 • Conflict is resolved once the goal switches from solving concrete problems to proving you are right and another person is wrong.最初你想實際解決問題，後來卻演變成為證明你是對而對方是錯，這時衝突便能完滿解決。 • Communication and emotion are two key elements of any conflict.溝通和情緒是所有衝突的重要因素。 • Conflict is best dealt with in the early stages when the fewest number of people are involved.處理衝突越早越好，避免涉及更多的人。 • In times of conflict it is important to speak loudly and with authority in order to make a point.發生衝突時，你要據理力爭，就必須把聲調提高，有權威地說話。

7. Objective目標1 Describe characteristics of conflict. 描述衝突的特徵.

8. Conflict 衝突… • Occurs when cares/concerns appear to be incompatible 當別人不接受自己意見時，就會起衝突 • Internal Conflict 內心的衝突: • a disturbance that rages within a single individual一個人心中的不安/焦慮 • Interpersonal Conflict 人際間的衝突: • a disturbance that exists between 2 or more individuals/groups 是兩個或以上的人心中產生不安

9. Conflict is 衝突是…. • Something we face everyday. • 我們每天都會遇到的. • A fact of life. • 人生難以改變的事實. • An opportunity to create an understanding. • 締造互相了解的機會.

10. Conflict is 衝突…. • Often a result of miscommunication. • 往往因溝通出問題所致. • Not limited to fighting. • 不一定是打架. • Not always negative! • 不一定是不好的!

11. Critical Elements of Conflict衝突的重要因素 • Communication 溝通 • Verbal communication 言語溝通 • 7% • Non-verbal communication非言語溝通 • 93%

12. Critical Elements of Conflict衝突的重要因素 • Emotional Aspect 情緒方面 • Is this pushing a “hot button”? 這問題是否你的「死穴」位呢? • What is your level of commitment to this person? 你對這人有多少責任感? • What else is happening in your life? 你人生中還有其他事情嗎? • On a scale of 1-10, how important is this? 用1到10來評分，它有多重要? （1為最不重要－10為最重要）

13. Emotional Don’ts 情緒的大忌: • Don’t get in a power struggle. 切忌牽涉到權力鬥爭裡。 • Don’t detach from conflict. 切忌把自己脫離衝突。

14. Emotional Don’ts 情緒的大忌: • Don’t let conflict establish your agenda. 切忌把衝突成為你每天要做的事。 • Don’t over-dramatize the situation. 切忌把事情過份誇大。 • Don’t “awfulize”!! 切忌把衝突當成恐佈的事!!

15. Objective目標2 Identify typical responses when needs are violated. 認識當雙方意見不合時的一般反應

16. Four Basic Psychological Needs四個基本心理需要: • To be valued and treated as an individual 受到重視,受到「人」的對待 • To be in control 有控制權 • To have strong self-esteem 有强烈的自尊 • To be consistent 前後一致

17. When needs are violated, individuals respond 當雙方意見不合時，一般的反應是.. • Retaliate 報復 • Momentary 短時間內發生 • Always a mistake 總是一時衝動 • Intimidate 威嚇/恐嚇 • Short tempers 脾氣暴躁 • Strong opinions 強烈個性 • Hard on the long term relationship 影響長期合作關係

18. When needs are violated, individuals respond當雙方意見不合時，一般的反應是.. • Isolate 孤立 • Appear to accept the situation 表面上接受現實 • They may actually be suppressing it 實則是抑制不滿的情緒 • This is how small problems grow into huge misunderstandings 這就是小問題變成大誤會的原因

19. When needs are violated, individuals respond當雙方意見不合時，一般的反應是.. • Cooperate 合作 • Confront the issue immediately 立刻面對問題 • Address the problem by putting it on the table 雙方坦誠地討論問題 • Greatest long term benefit 長遠來說是有益的

20. Is this your wish for all of the difficult people in your life?你是不是希望所有難應付的人，都得到這樣的待遇呢? • If so, you might not be in a cooperative spirit! 如果是的話，那你可能不屬於合作的類型!

21. Objective目標3 Distinguish among three stages of conflict 辨別三種不同層次的衝突

22. 3 Stages of Conflict 衝突的三種層次 • Stage One 第一層次 —Everyday Difficulties每日的衝突: • Low intensity 緊張的程度低 • Day-to-day irritations 被人激怒 • Discomfort & anger are quickly passed off 不安和憤怒的情緒很快就消失 • “No big deal” attitude 覺得「沒有什麼大不了」

23. 3 Stages of Conflict 衝突的三種層次 • Strategies 應對方法: • Avoidance 避免起衝突 • Obliging 樂於助人 • Jointly examine both sides 同時觀察事情的正反面 • Evaluate the proportion of the reaction to the situation 評估對事情的反應程度

24. 3 Stages of Conflict 衝突的三種層次 • Stage Two 第二層次 —Significant Difficulties重大的衝突: • Win-lose attitude 抱著輸贏的態度 • More personal investment 更多個人的投入 • Self interest & saving face is important 個人利益和面子問題 • Victories/mistakes are remembered 記著哪一方是勝利和失誤 • Alliances & cliques are formed 形成黨派

25. 3 Stages of Conflict 衝突的三種層次 • Strategies 應對方法: • Create a safe environment - informal setting, neutral turf, agenda, control, set tone, be vulnerable 締造一種安全的環境 － 簡單的設置, 中立地帶，日程、控制, 緩和氣氛, 開放自己 • Hard on facts and soft on people 對事執著，但對人卻寬大 • Do initial work as a team 以團隊合作方式做前期工作 • Look for middle ground 雙方尋找滿意的解決方法 • Allow enough time 允許足夠時間考慮 • Seat people next to each other 兩人坐下傾談

26. 3 Stages of Conflict 衝突的三種層次 • Stage Three 第三層次 —Overt Battles明顯的鬥爭 • Shift from wanting to win to wanting to hurt 從想贏的心態轉移到想傷害別人的心態 • Being right and punishing the wrong is a consuming motivation 主要的動機是顯明自己有理，要處罰錯的對方 • Positions are polarized 極端的立場 • Logic and reason are ineffective 不講道理和邏輯

27. 3 Stages of Conflict 衝突的三種層次 • Strategies 應對方法 • Negotiation - discussion & compromise 談判– 用討論、和解的方法 • Mediation - third party serves as a go-between in order to reconcile 調解 – 由第三者作中間人來調停 • Arbitration - determination of a case in controversy by a person selected by the parties 仲裁– 由雙方認可一人來解決糾紛

28. Objective目標4 Define the five conflict handling modes discussed in the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument 解釋　TKI(Thomas-Kilmann Instrument) 裡五個處理衝突的模式.

29. What’s Your Conflict Management Style?你是用哪一種處理衝突方式呢？ • How do you react during a conflict...and how do others react to you? 當你遇到衝突時，你的反應是怎樣…對方向你的反應又怎樣呢? • Thomas-Kilman Instrument (TKI) -Provides information about an individual’s style of handling conflict, compared to five distinct modes. Thomas-Kilman Instrument (TKI) 　提供有關個人衝突處理方式的資料, 並將資料分成五個不同的模式。

30. What’s Your Conflict Management Style?你是用哪一種處理衝突方式呢？ • ASSERTIVENESS (Trying to satisfy your own concerns) vs. COOPERATIVENESS (Trying to satisfy the other’s concerns) 堅持己見態度(試圖要人滿足你的想法) 合作態度 (試圖滿足他人的想法)

31. Graph of Conflict Handling Modes處理衝突模式圖解 Assertive堅持己見 競爭 Competing 合作Collaborating 妥協Compromising Unassertive 不堅持己見 廻避Avoiding 順應Accommodating Uncooperative 不合作 Cooperative 合作

32. TKI Conflict Handling ModesTKI　處理衝突模式 • Competing: High assertiveness and low cooperativeness —the goal is to “win” 競爭:高度堅持己見，低度合作— 目的是「贏」 • Occurs when you take a position that meets your concerns but not the other person’s. A win-lose mode. 當你要別人不理會其他人的意見，只接納你的意見時，競爭就會出現。這是一個贏輸的模式.

33. TKI Conflict Handling ModesTKI　處理衝突模式 • Accommodating: Low assertiveness and high cooperativeness — the goal is to “yield” 順應:不堅持己見，高度合作 — 目的是「讓」 • Occurs when you accept a position that meets the other person’s concerns over yours. A win-lose mode. 你願意放下自己的意見來接受別人的意見，就是順應。這是一個贏輸的模式.

34. TKI Conflict Handling ModesTKI　處理衝突模式 • Avoiding: Low assertiveness and low cooperativeness — the goal is to “delay” 廻避:不堅持己見，低度合作— 目的是「拖延」 • Occurs when you try not to engage in a conflict issue. It is a lose-lose mode. 當你不想置身在一場衝突之內，你就會廻避。這是一個雙輸的模式.

35. TKI Conflict Handling ModesTKI　處理衝突模式 • Compromising: Moderate assertiveness and moderate cooperativeness — the goal is to “find a middle ground" 妥協:堅持己見和合作的程度中等　— 目的是「尋找雙方同意的解決方法」 • Settle for a position that partially satisfies your concerns and those of the other person. A win-lose mode. 你的立場是既有部分自己的意見，又可以有部分別人的意見。這是一個贏輸的模式.

36. TKI Conflict Handling ModesTKI　處理衝突模式 • Collaborating: High assertiveness and high cooperativeness — the goal is to “find a win-win solution” 合作:堅持己見和合作的程度高　—目的是「尋找一個雙贏局面」 • Occurs when you find a position that fully satisfies your own and the other person’s concerns. A win-win mode. 當你的決定既能有自己的全部意見，又有別人的全部意見，這就是合作，是一個雙贏的模式.

37. Uses of Each TKI Mode每個 TKI 模式的使用方法 Scenario: A parent has submitted a somewhat controversial proposal to the Church Board which has led to conflict between the parent and the youth department leader. 例子: 一位家長向教會堂董會提交了一份稍微有爭議性的提案, 導致這位家長和青年部領袖起衝突。 We’ll first look at a poor use and then a more effective use of each mode. 　我們先看看不適當運用這些方法的情況, 然後再看有效運用它們的情況。

38. Uses of Each TKI Mode每個 TKI 模式的使用方法 Scenario: A parent has submitted a somewhat controversial proposal to the Church Board which has led to conflict between the parent and the youth department leader. 例子: 一位家長向教會堂董會提交了一份稍微有爭議性的提案, 導致這位家長跟青年部領袖起衝突。

39. Uses of Each TKI Mode每個 TKI 模式的使用方法 We’ll first look at a poor use and then a more effective use of each mode. 我們先看看不適當運用這些方法的情況, 然後再看有效運用它們的情況。

40. Competing 競爭 • Poor use 不適當運用: • Youth leader… “Look, I don’t care what you think or how unfair you think this is! Rules are rules, and I’ve been hired to enforce them with no exceptions! I’m right in this situation, and the case is closed!” 青年領袖… 「我不在乎你怎樣想或者你怎樣覺得不公平! 規則就是規則。他們雇用我就是要去執行這些規則, 一視同仁!我處理這事是絕對正確, 事情已經完結，再沒有討論的必要!」

41. Competing 競爭 • Effective use 有效運用: • Youth leader… “I understand that this is an important issue for you. However, as your proposal is currently stated, it does not fit in the guidelines set by the youth department. As youth leader, it is my job to enforce the rules that have been set no matter how unpopular they may be. The Church Board has set the rules so that the youth program is within guidelines. I am not asking you to agree with my position, but I do hope that you will respect it.” 青年領袖… 「我明白這問題對你來說是很重要。不過，根據你所提交的建議，並不符合青年部所定的指引。作為青年領袖,　無論規則受不受人歡迎，我的責任就是執行。堂董會制定這些規則，讓所有青年活動都有指引去做。我不是要求你贊同我的立場, 但我希望你會尊重我的立場.」

42. Avoiding 廻避 • Poor use 不適當運用: • Youth leader (has received a call from the secretary)… “No, I don’t want to talk to him now. Tell him I’m not in. No…tell him I’m in a meeting and can’t be disturbed. I don’t care what you tell him…just get rid of him!” 青年領袖 (收到秘書的電話)… 「我現在不想跟他談。你回覆他說我不在辦公室。不…說我正在開會, 不方便跟他談話好了。我不理你用什麼理由去打發他…總之，別讓他來煩我!」

43. Avoiding 廻避 • Effective use 有效運用: • Youth leader… “Look, this is obviously an emotional issue for you. I know that you have a lot invested in it. Why don’t we take some time away from the issue right now and plan to talk again tomorrow? How does 10 a.m. sound? In the mean time, I will do some research on your issue to see if I can find additional options for us to consider regarding your situation.” 青年領袖… 「很明顯這事情確實困擾你的心情。我知道你花了很多心血在這事情上。可不可以暫時將這事擱下，明天再抽點時間來討論它呢?明天早上十點鐘，好嗎? 我想用點時間去調查一下這個問題, 看看有沒有別的選擇可以考慮來處理你的情況。」

44. Accommodating 順應 • Poor use 不適當的運用: • Youth leader… “Hey…I understand this is important to you. So, even though your proposal doesn’t fit within the department’s guidelines, I’ll overlook it this time and recommend it for approval. You’re an important member of the church, and I don’t want to damage our relationship in the future.” 青年領袖… 「我了解這事對你很重要。所以，即使你的提案不符合部門的規則, 今次我都會通融，把你的提案提到堂董會通過。你是教會裡重要的一員，我也不想破壞你和我的關係。」

45. Accommodating 順應 • Effective use 有效的運用: • Youth leader… “I don’t want to seem unresponsive to your concerns on this important issue. However, I don’t have authority to overturn the Church Board’s decision. So, what I suggest is that I put your issue on the agenda of the next Church Board meeting and invite you to attend, to see if the board has some additional options for you to consider.” 青年領袖… 「我不想你認為我對你所關心的重要事件沒有反應。然而我沒有權力去推翻堂董會的決定。我可以將你的提議寫在下次堂董會的議程上, 並邀請你列席, 看看堂董們有沒有其他可行建議，讓你考慮。」

46. Compromising 妥協 • Poor use不適當運用: • Youth leader… “You’ve heard the expression, ‘You scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours’? I bet we can come to some agreement here. You’ve got season tickets to the basketball games this year, right? How ‘bout you letting me have tickets for a couple of games, and I’ll see if I can’t get this proposal to slip right through the Board? They have so many issues to deal with, they won’t even know!” 青年領袖...「你聽過一句叫, “互惠互利, 禮尚往來”的話嗎? 我想我們可以來協議一下。你有這季度的籃球比賽門票，是嗎? 不如你給我幾場比賽的門票，我就想辦法，在堂董會順利通過這提案。他們有很多問題要商討，都不會記得所有議案。」

47. Compromising 妥協 • Effective use 有效的運用: • Youth leader… “The Church board has set some pretty tight guidelines for me to follow. However, they understand that there are times that some allowances may need to be made. If you would agree to a revision here in Part A of your proposal to be in line with the Board’s guidelines, I believe that they would be willing to consent to your request in Part B. Would you consider that revision?” 青年領袖… 「堂董會制定了若干嚴謹的指引要我遵從。不過，他們也明白，有時都要酌情處理。若你同意遵照堂董會指引，稍為修改你的提案A部分，我相信他們會同意接納你在B部份的要求。你會考慮我所建議的修改嗎？」

48. Collaborating 合作 • Poor use 不適當的運用: • Youth leader… “O.K., we have an obvious difference of opinion here. I’m not willing to take the responsibility by myself, so let’s call together a series of meetings with the Board, their sub-committees, some other Leaders, parents, and members. We’ll see if we can’t research this issue in depth, discuss it extensively, and come up with a solution in which all parties are in agreement. I’m guessing this process will only take about 6-8 months. That’s not too long of a wait for you, is it?” 青年領袖… 「好吧，我們很明顯有意見分歧。我不願一人負責，我想召開幾個會議，召集堂董，其他委員，家長和會員共同商討，一起深入研究，廣泛討論，務求取得一致同意的解決方案。我想這過程需時約6到8個月，對你來說，會覺得是值得的，對嗎？」

49. Collaborating 合作 • Effective use 有效運用: • Youth leader… “Since this is such an important issue both to you and the youth department, I suggest that we sit down at a special meeting of the Board to try to better understand each others’ concerns. We don’t want this issue to be unresolved too long, because there are a lot of resources involved here, but I do think it is important to try to reach a mutual decision that we can all agree upon. Let’s plan for a one-hour meeting with the Board next week, O.K.?” 青年領袖… 「我相信這事對你對青年部都關係重大. 我建議召開一次特別堂董會，嘗試互相了解大家的意見。我們都希望事件迅速解決，因為牽涉資源太多。但我認為雙方都同意的決定是非常重要。下週召開一小時堂董會，共同研究，好嗎？」

50. What is the Best Way to Handle Conflict 什麼方法才是處理衝突的最好方法? • No silver bullet or magic formula. 沒有子彈或魔術程式能使衝突立刻消失。 • Key is knowing when to use each strategy, and not to let the situation get out of control. 關鍵是知道在什麼時候用哪一種應對方法，讓事情受到控制. • Remember…Negative Behavior never confronted, never changes!!!! 記住…不要有消極的行為，它不會改變事實!!!!