Raising Smart, Strong & Sensitive Children

1. Maureen D. Healywww.highlysensitivekids.com Raising Smart, Strong & Sensitive Children

2. The Sensitive Child • Emotions • Building Strength – 5 Building Blocks • Questions Our Time Together

3. - Award-winning author - Speaker - Global Experience- Psychology Today, PBS- Helped during 9-11, & other disasters Maureen D. Healy Tibetan Refugee Children Base of the Himalayas, India

4. The Energetic Keys to Indigo Kids (New Page Books) www.highlysensitivekids.com Growing Happy Kids (HCI Books)

5. 1 Sensitive & Gifted Children Raising Smart, Strong and Sensitive Children

6. Highly Sensitive Kids • What is Sensitivity? • Types of Sensitivity • Learning how to make sensitivity a strength • The Starting Point

7. The Sensitive Child & Emotions Cultivating EQ Manage their energy Build Skills Cultivate awareness Help them make smart choices

8. Sensitivity and Giftedness • Sensitivity is positively correlated to • Giftedness • Learning differences • Intuition • Sensory issues (i.e. tactile, audio, defensiveness) • Creativity • Strong-willed nature • Inner motivation

9. The Gifted Child may: Not fit into “regular school” Learn in a different way Need help building relationships, and managing emotions Get frustrated easily Need a mentor (someone “cut from same cloth” to help / her learn how this world works)

10. The World of Children 1 3 2 Sensitivity Inner Strength Culture Giftedness The Recipe for Real Success

11. 2 5 Blocks for Strong Kids Planting the Seeds of Real Resilience

12. “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it” - Helen Keller“In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity.” - Albert Einstein

13. Inner Confidence • Growing Happy Kids: How to Cultivate Inner Confidence, Success and Happiness shares how to cultivate resilience or inner confidence as a foundation for a life of true happiness • Brings eastern and western ideas together • Eastern idea (Outer and Inner Confidence) • Confidence exists on a continuum from doubt, uncertainty, certainty, outer confidence, to inner confidence • Creating inner confidence builds real power, and the ability to overcome obstacles on the path to success • Inner Confidence = Resilience

14. 5 Steps to Build Resilience 1. Biological2. Beliefs3. Emotional4. Social 5. Spiritual

15. “We really have a choice as human beings as to whetherwe wish let our brains be shaped by willy-nilly forces, which impact us or take a more active responsibility for shaping our own brains in ways to promote more positive kinds of qualities” – Dr. Richard Davidson

16. Step One: Biological Brain & body must be working for you • Sleep • Nutrition • Hydration • Exercise • Regular check-ups

17. Biology of Resilience • Balanced brain chemistry • Healthy Outlets • Depression is unbalanced brain chemistry. It can be managed naturally for many (exercise, eating right, directed thoughts) but others need medicine to help. • Suicidal thoughts are a tip there is a brain chemistry problem • Addictions are also biologically based • There is no shame in seeking help (medical) to balance your brain chemistry, and right yourself. • Resilient people make a habit of creating new pathways in the brain and rewiring their brain chemistry. This is possible for anyone. • Without your body working “for you” --- you cannot grow resiliency easily.

18. “People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.” - Norman Vincent Peale

19. Step Two: Beliefs • What you think, you are • Direct your Thoughts • Feed Mind with uplifting thoughts(books, audios) • See self as resilient I am an optimist. It does not seem to much use to be anything else. – Winston Churchill

20. Resilient People If you can survive disappointment, you can survive anything. You are unbeatable. – Louis CK Realize it’s their Choice(You either get better, or bitter. It’s your choice) Flip the Script(reframe) Create healthy thinking habits Learn “how to think” aboutsomething(for example, rejection is god’s protection)

21. “Researchers have found even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelingswill determine your success and happiness in all walks of life.” Dr. John Gottman

22. Step Three: Emotional • We should not pretend to understandthe world only by the intellect; we apprehend it just as much by feeling. Carl JungEmotions Intensify Thoughts • Honda opened a plant and produced piston rings for Toyota in 1937 • 1944 during WWII his plant was destroyed • 1945 his other plant was destroyed in Earthquake • 1948 he built a motorized bicycle (a big need in town) • Eventually turned company into billion dollar business but after many failures, losses and unimaginable setbacks Soichiro Honda Resilient people not only direct their thoughts, but feel the feelings. They learn how to not let fear defeat them, and they do things to grow a feeling of resiliency.

23. Resilient Adults & Children Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance. Bruce Barton Remember their inner power Feel it Create a practice of connecting to it daily(prayer, reading, exercise, play, skill-building) Feel like they are being of service to something Use obstacles as stepping stones to success

24. “Every waking moment we talk to ourselves about the things we experience. Our self-talk, the thoughts we communicate to ourselves, in turn control the way we feel and act.” – John Lembo

25. Step Four: Social • FEEDBACK LOOPS • Inner Feedback Loop (self-talk) • Outer Feedback Loop(what the people around youconsistently say to you --- do they help you see your inner power,strength and ability to thrive?)

26. People who feel their lives have meaning and value, and who develop deep, quality relationships – both measures of spirituality – are happier. -Dr. Mark Holder

27. Step Five: Spiritual • Belief in something greater • Belief that greater is withinyou, and it gives you power • Something greater may be a love of Nature, Art, God, or something else that inspires you

28. Putting it Together 1. Biological – Foundation 2. Beliefs – Creator3. Emotional – Amplifier4. Social – Reinforcement5. Spiritual - Expander

29. Tips for Children • Daily Practice • Make it Fun • Connect them to confidence mentors • Praise their inner power, strength and courage • Mirror to them their talents, and capabilities

30. Tips for Adults • Quality is not an act. It is a habit. - Aristotle • Create a daily practice • Make a real connection (friend, colleague) • Exercise • Celebrate Life (have fun) • Stay connected to people whosethoughts lift you up. • Great people make you believe you can become great too. – Mark Twain (paraphrase)

31. 3 Habit of Strength Creating groups of courageous people

32. “Whatever you habitually think yourself to be, that youare. You must form, now, a greater and better habit; you must form a conception of yourself as being of limitless power, and habitually think you are that being. It is the habitual, not the periodical thought that decides your destiny.” - Wallace Wattles, The Science of Being Great

33. “I was always looking outside of myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It was there all along.” Anna Freud

34. “I cannot always control what goes on outside. I can always control what goes on inside.”- Wayne Dyer

35. “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know there is something inside of you greaterthan any obstacle.” Christopher D. Larson

36. Practically Speaking • It’s the habitual, not periodic that creates resilience • Focus on resilience-building activities • Make any changes needed(+/-) • Enjoy growing stronger from the inside out, and laying a strong foundation for life success

37. Questions

38. The End What’s Your Message?

39. Schools • Don’t mistake culture as: • Color • Appearances • Language • Geography • Last Name • Anything on the outside • Or any one thing, we all belong to different cultures especially kids where you cannot see ethnicity or country of birth on the outside.

40. Remembering Past Successes Color means different things to different cultures and geographies. For example, white is considered a sign of purity in the US and many wear white wedding dresses, while in China white is considered symbolic of death and mourning. This is a big difference. Children are influenced by culture between 3-5 years old depending on influence of parents, school & others. Color’s meanings are dynamic too.

41. Carry Over Troubled Waters • Encouragement • White is purity (i.e. Snow White & Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother changes her into white dress) in US. • Japan and China is mourning / death • Unhappiness in India • Color of a flag of Truce (peace) in wartime • Help you get your “mind” • Black symbolizes evil, darkness and scary things to most young children in US (i.e. scared of the dark). As they grow it can become a color of confidence and sophistication. Certain cultures hold in a “more neutral” position from the start though. • Children’s Mythology – Evil (i.e. Severus Snape from Harry Potter wore Black, and Disney’s upcoming: Malificent) • Sophisticated – Black Tie Event (formal attire) • Aztec Culture – Black means war • China – Black is traditional clothing color for boys • Mourning – Rural parts of Italy, Spain, Greece, Portugal and Mexico widows wear black the rest of their lives. Ancient Egyptians and Romans used black for mourning while most of US & Europe do too. • Black Cats – Bad luck in some cultures (Western Europe) • Black Belt in Karate (Japan) is an Expert • “In the Black” – Cash-flow positive

42. Help Each Other • Role Modeling • Mentoring Most children are activated (energized) by the color red. In US, boys prefer red more than girls. • Celebration in Indonesia, China and India(Wedding dresses are red, babies given name at red-egg ceremony) • Love in US • Beautiful in Russia • Danger in Middle East • Mourning for South Africa • Japan associates it with Life (blood) and also Anger • Medical Supplies (Red Cross) • Red symbolizes strength and anger(i.e. Lion King) • Business “in red” losing money

43. Example • Orange • Orange is an activating (energizing) color for most children. • Orange shroud used in India or deceased married women • Mourning and Loss in Middle East • Color of monks robes in Thailand, Burma and certain parts of Asia • Sikh children wear yellowand orange turbans as part of traditional dress • Yellow • Yellow is an alerting color which is why so many classrooms are painted yellow in the US to keep kids awake. • Buses are painted yellow in US because you are supposed to see them better and now it’s a law. • Royalty in China • Only high ranking officials in Africa can wear yellow • Egypt and Burma yellow signifies mourning • Gold is enlightenment in Buddhism (rainbow too) along with other spiritual paths • Color of care and caution (middle color of streetlight) in US

44. Example • Blue is considered a calming color to most children and they feel safe in blue surroundings. • Prince Charming (from fairytales) is called the Blue Prince in Italy and Spain • Cinderella wears a blue dress in all Disney movies • Blue is color used in mourning in Iran, Mexico and Latin America (considered heavenly) • Blue is heavenly in India (Krishna’s skin) • Blue is calming and used most often for bedrooms in US • Sadness (Indonesia) • Blue is considered safest color worldwide since most cultures / religions deem is a color of safety and protection.

45. Military Families Green is thought to be the most soothing colorto the visual eye(calming color). - Green is a sacred color to Muslims- Forbidden color in Indonesia- Color of death in some Latin American countriesLondon’s Blackfriar bridge waspainted green and their suiciderate dropped by 34%(on this bridge)

46. Sensitivity & Giftedness • EQ and SQ are success factors for sensitivity • Gif

47. “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” - Nelson Mandela“Life is like riding a bicycle, in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving” - Einstein

48. Raising Strong Kids Origin of the word resilience comes from the Latin word “resiliens” that means to rebound and “re” that means to go back plus “salire” meaning to jump. Resilience literally means to jump back, after a defeator unexpected problem / situation.

49. Science of Resilience STUDIES show: Resilience isn’t a genetic trait that only a few “super people” have. It is our inborn capacity for self-righting (Werner & Smith, 1992) (NY Times 2014) Resilience is also our capacity for transformation and change (Lifton, 1993). When adversity is relieved and basic human needs are restored, then resilience has a chance to emerge (Maston, 1994) Resilience research shows it’s a process Many approaches to fostering resilience work, however they all shared common a common (and empowering) belief system Resiliency is improved with connectedness to people, interests and ultimately life itself (Pines, 1984). (All is not lost) Sense of community improves resiliency(Sergiovanni)

50. Art of Resilience • Resilience in nature (i.e. turtles) –Migrate over long distances in the ocean, and female sea turtlesreturn to beach they were born atto give birth. • We are part of nature • Within us is the power to be resilient