Assertive Conflict Resolution

1. Assertive Conflict Resolution Win-Win Solutions

2. Aggressive Behavior • When I take my own rights into account and not the other person’s. • Everyone should be like me • I’m never wrong • Closed minded • Interrupts • Domineering/Bullying • Handle conflict by harming others.

3. Passive Behavior • When I take the other person’s rights into account and not my own. • Don’t express your true feelings • Always agrees • Apologetic • Avoids ignores leaves • Powerlessness • Handle Conflict by doing nothing

4. Assertive Behavior • Believing we have a right to have ideas and feelings. Standing up for our rights and still respecting the rights of others. • Effective active listener • States limits, expectations • Decisive • Operates from choice • Eye Contact • Handle conflict by using problem solving.

5. Definitions Conflict: When two people Disagree on an issue. Conflict Resolution: A communication skill that encourages a better understanding of the other person’s point of view, helping to resolve conflicts in a positive way. Win-Win Conflict Resolution: A belief that everyone can win by co-operation and avoiding competition and comparing

6. What Doesn’t Work? • Yelling, • refusing to change or compromise, • refusing to work out the conflict, • Name calling, • hitting, • walking out, • belittling, etc. • Most Passive and Aggressive Behaviors.

7. What Does Work? • Assertive Techniques • Express feelings honestly • Say no without feeling guilty • Stand up for your beliefs without being attacking to others • Win-Win Attitude • Co-operation • Settling differences byboth parties giving in to find an agreement. • Negotiation • Working together to find a solution.

8. When is Conflict Positive? When we are able to resolve internal and interpersonal conflicts, Using win-win problem solving. Every relationship will have some conflicts at some time or other. When we use win-win problem solving, it strengthens the relationship. When we don’t, it destroys it.

9. Who Owns the Problem? The person who is negatively affected by the Problem. What is the Owner’s responsibility? To find a way to resolve the problem, even if he is not the Cause of it.

10. Gather Info / Identify the problem or issues • Use I Messages to explain your own concerns, needs and basic goals • Use reflective/active listening to hear and acknowledge the other’s needs and basic goals • Evaluate exactly what each of your actual needs are with the problem. List needs. • Don’t accept sudden promises not to cause the problem

11. What do you see…..

12. Look at things from another’s perspective and try to see their point Or view and look for a solution that meets both underlying needs.

13. Eskimo or Indian?

14. Moving or Still?

15. What is This?

16. Young or Old Woman?

17. Young or Old Woman?

18. What do you see?

20. Brainstorm Possible Solutions Car Sharing You and your spouse have one car. You need to go to a meeting tonight, and your spouse wants visit a good friend. How many Solutions can you come up with?

21. Brainstorm All Possible Solutions that meets both people’s needs Cake Cutting Exercise You are in charge of a Birthday party for four Children. You have one Cake and need to cut it in 4 equal parts. Brainstorm with your partner How many different ways you could cut it.

22. Or,cut it in equal layers ETC…

23. Brainstorm to Generate all possible solutions. • ·Think of any and all possible ways to solve the problem so that everyone will have needs met. • ·Evaluate later NOT NOW • ·Do not criticize any suggestion. Feed back with reflective listening • ·Write down all ideas suggested.

24. Evaluate the alternative solutions • Ask “Will it work? Does it meet all the needs of both people? Are there any problems likely?” • Don’t accept solutions for the sake of speed • Use reflective/active listening and I Messages

25. Decide on the best solution. • Find a solutions that is mutually acceptable to both of you. . • If agreement seems difficult, Summarize areas of agreement. Restate needs, and look for new solutions. • Make certain that both of you are committed to the solution

26. Implementing the Solutions • Write this down and check all agree to it • Refuse to remind or police the solutions • If you want to set criteria for success, work out these now • Get Agreement on who does what by when

27. Follow-up evaluation • If the agreed upon solution doesn’t work, remember it is the solution that failed, not the person, and seek for a new solution. • Ask from time to time if the solution is working for both of you. • Carry out agreed method. Wait to see if the conflicts seems resolved.

28. Mediator • If you can’t find a solution….call in a mediator • A third party person who has a non-bias opinion. • Examples: Teacher, counselor, mutual friend, co-worker • Mediator will propose the solution

29. Remember to use I-Messages and Active Listening!

30. Results of Win-Win Solutions • More creative in Thinking up solutions • Take more responsibility for helping everyone • have needs met • Feeling of mutual respect • Love grows deeper with every conflict resolved.