Revving Up – Calming Down How to Deal with Angry or Difficult Students Amy Andersen, M.S.E. Counselor, MPTC

1. Revving Up – Calming Down How to Deal with Angry or Difficult Students Amy Andersen, M.S.E. Counselor, MPTC

2. Revving Up - Happiness at Work • “Those who help others are happier at work than those who don't prioritize helping others.” • "Being motivated to help and believing your work makes a difference is associated with greater happiness in our analysis.“ • "It is also about creating a common sense of purpose and the mentality that we are in it together.” UW Madison Research http://www.news.wisc.edu/21983

3. A number of studies have also shed light on the value of friendship in the workplace, suggesting that strong social support can boost an employee's productivity and make him or her feel more passionate about their work (and less likely to quit!). And more….. Revving Up - Happiness at Work

4. Happiness Activity • Write down 26 things that make you happy at work. • A-Z • 1-26 • Write down 5 things that concern you about work. • 1-5

5. Control or Can’t Control?

6. Happiness Plan • Consciously let go of things you cannot control (number 3’s). • Communicate your thoughts and feelings. • Be supportive of each other. • Go in with a desire to help students. • Be friendly. • Go into work without stress. • Take breaks. • Remind yourself you are helping people realize their dreams and goals!!!

7. Calming Down When faced with a difficult situation or person: +

8. The Angry or Upset Student • Think about the last time you were angry • What was really going on? • hurt– because you care about “it” • scared-something you wanted to help you feel valuable and/or safe is not going to happen • scared – fear that you are not going to get “it” and/or that something bad is going to happen if you don’t get “it”

9. “It” is Financial Aid • Thoughts under the anger: • Without it, they are probably not coming to school • Without it, they are not getting a degree • Without it, they are not getting a job • Without it, they are losing their home • Without it, they are not paying bills • Without it, they have let down their family • Without it, they have let down themselves • Without it, their life is ruined • How much of this can you control?

10. Calming a Student Down • 1. First calm yourself down (breathe) by reminding yourself you are not responsible for policies or behaviors that block a student from receiving financial aid (never SAY this aloud to a student)! • 2. Calm down the student by noticing and acknowledging they are upset. • “I can see/hear you are upset and this is very important to you.” • 3. Move to hope and finding a solution with them. • “I am here to help you with all your options.”

11. Calming Down • 4. Move into problem solving mode, start with any good news first. • “It looks like the hold up is due to…(late filing, acceptance to college/program, past default on a loan, SAP standards, etc.) and you will be able to get financial aid in the future AND we can help you get all set for that time. • 5. Show compassion for the hurt and fear they are experiencing even if you think the situation is all their fault. • We feel badly that you feel disappointed. • 6. Move onto action steps. • We would be happy to answer any questions or concerns you have and… write down your next steps, help you fill out missing forms, refer you to XYZ, etc.”

12. Calming Down • 7. Just listen to whatever the student says. Repeat steps 1-6 if necessary. Keep trying to move them toward a solution-filling out paperwork, paying on the loan, setting up a payment plan, # of classes to take to get back in good standing, etc. • “I want to help you move forward to getting this figured out so you can get back on track.”

13. Who is Responsible? • Did I do everything I could and was supposed to do to help this student get financial aid? • Sometimes our processes or communications to students do need revising. • Did the student do all they were supposed to do to get and keep financial aid? • No matter how much we want to help others, sometimes they don’t follow through on their end. • We also need to compassionately teach others to help themselves by sometimes saying “no” and re-teaching about the processes and standards.

14. Very Difficult Students • You do not need to put up with behaviors that violate student conduct policies. • Profanity • Threats • Screaming • Say firmly, but calmly (check with your supervisor/campus policy): • “I want to help you, but if you continue screaming or cursing at me, I will have to hang up on you and turn your name over to the Dean of Students office/my supervisor.” • “You are violating the student code of conduct by threatening me… cursing at me… screaming at me, please stop now so we can go back to finding a solution to your financial aid issues.” • If student continues…”If you continue…I will be forced to hang up on you and turn your name over to the Dean of Students office/my supervisor.”

15. Bottom Line • Try to keep yourself focused on what you can control. • Try to keep yourself happy, healthy and connected to other staff. • Try to keep yourself focused on helping students reach their dreams and goals. • Try to keep yourself focused on educating students about the processes and standards so there are no surprises. • Review and change processes if there a lot of issues coming up. • Refer to other support services if you have a needy student. • Don’t tolerate abusive behavior that violates student conduct.

16. Wrap Up • Acknowledge the feeling and experience of hearing bad news. • Listen to concerns. • Help explore options. • Give next steps. • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f87UGWdMMo