Communication

1. Communication

2. Communication We communicate when we Ask questions Give directions Exclaim in anger/excitement Refuse to look someone in the eye Move over to make room for someone Sigh, roll our eyes, tap our feet, drum our fingers

3. Verbal & Nonverbal Verbal  using words to get our message across Nonverbal  facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures, posture, touch, eye contact

4. Conversational Dominance Men more often try to control conversations; they use conversation to establish status and authority, compete for attention and power Women tend to use communication to build connections with others, to be inclusive, supportive, cooperative, and responsive

5. Filled Pauses & Intrusive Interruptions Filled pauses: men tend to talk more than women (:-o) and try to “hold the floor” even when they are not saying anything (e.g., “uhm”, “ah”) Men tend to interrupt more than women Intrusive interruptions: aimed at taking away a speaker’s turn to speak

6. Interruptions • Interruptions take place when speakers have different conversational styles Men interrupt, overall, more often than women • Men interrupt other women more often than they interrupt men • Men are more successful at taking and maintaining the floor • Women’s interruptions take the form of questions and/or supportive statements

7. Speech Quantity • Who talks more? • half of all survey respondents say women • perception is not accurate • women are perceived to talk more but men actually talk more often and for longer periods of time

8. Listening & Conversational Maintenance Girls learn at an early age to pay attention Boys are less likely to learn these patterns but it does not mean that they are not listening Women work to keep conversations going Men are more likely (than women) to undermine conversations

9. “Troubles Talk” Some researchers suggest that women and men differ in the extent to which they provide supportive responses (e.g., when someone confides a problem) Other researchers suggest that it may be related to femininity and masculinity more than sex or gender

10. Speech Style Women More likely to use proper English More likely to use tag questions (e.g., “Isn’t that right”?) Overall, women seem to be more tentative in communications with men (but not with other women)

11. Language Topics All-male conversations and all-female conversations “shift” when another person (of the opposite sex) joins the conversation Is this because, as stereotypes suggest, women are always talking about relationships and men are always talking about sports?

12. Electronic Communication Female-only groups: more words per message, more individually oriented language, more self disclosure, more direct addressing of other individuals Male-only groups: more monologues than dialogues Mixed-sex groups: male conversational dominance Men sent more messages than women Messages were twice as long

13. Deborah Tannen • Professor of Sociolinguistics at Georgetown University • Selected Publications: • You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation • Talking from 9 to 5 • You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

14. Childhood Communication • As children, we learn different ways of speaking • Girls rapport • Boys status

15. Adult Communication Friendships Romantic relationships EXAMPLE: The workplace

16. Linguistic Style • Tone of voice • Rate • Volume • A person’s characteristic speaking pattern includes: • directness or indirectness • pacing and pausing • word choice • use of such elements as jokes, figures of speech, stories, questions, and apologies

17. Turn-taking • One element of linguistic style is turn-taking  one speaks, another responds • requires a subtle negotiation of signals so that you know when it is “your turn” • Pauses • Every utterance functions on two levels • Language communicates ideas • Language negotiates relationships

18. Directness and Indirectness Commands  Statement of need/description of a situation People with direct styles of asking see this as manipulative Women are often indirect; men are often direct Any individual’s ways will vary depending on who is being addressed

19. Pacing and Pausing • Tannen identifies two broad categories of conversational style: • high involvement • characterized by a faster rate of speech, faster turn-taking, an avoidance of interturn pauses, and frequent initiations of simultaneous speech • high involvement speakers use simultaneous speech to build rapport and signal involvement • high considerateness • consists of slower speech, slower turn-taking, longer pauses between turns, and an avoidance of simultaneous speech • high considerateness speakers avoid simultaneous speech to honour the principle not to impose

20. Word Choice • the "metamessage"  "the heart message" — the message the other person feels is behind your words • tone of voice, previous experiences with the person, the context in which the exchange takes place, etc. • regardless of how "perfectly" we compose the word message, the metamessage will speak louder • Women tend to be more attuned to metamessages • Men tend to be more attuned to messages

21. Other Elements One up, one down • Men say “I” • “I am hiring a new manager” • Women say “we” • “We are hiring a new manager”

22. Other Elements Confidence and boasting  women are more likely to downplay their certainty and men are more likely to minimize their doubts Asking questions e.g., men are less likely than women to stop and ask for directions

23. Women’s Speech • Tag questions • Midway between a question and a statement • “Karen is here, isn’t she?” • Use question forms with declarative functions • “What time will you be here?” “Oh, around 6:00 ...?” • The rising inflection indicates uncertainty, seeking confirmation • Use hedges • “Kind of”, “I guess”, “I think”, “sort of” • Use intensives • words like “so” and “very”

24. Conversational Rituals “how are you”  “good”, “fine” “where are you going”  “over there” Differing rituals can be problematic—particularly when we think that we are all speaking the same language

25. Ritual Communication • 1) Saying "I'm sorry" when you're not. • "I'm sorry" is not always an apology • Used to restore balance to a relationship • May mean “I am sorry that this happened to you”   • Studies show that, in general, women tend to use "I'm sorry" to establish or re-establish relational balance • Men, more hesitant to say, "I'm sorry," tend to   use it more literally, that is, to apologize and admit failure

26. Ritual Communication con’t ... • 2) Giving Criticism • Women use criticism to extend concern, interest, and ownership to equals • Often perceived as “nagging” • Men use criticism in a competitive manner to challenge others to greater excellence • “Oh, yeah? I can do better than THAT!” • Among males, it demonstrates their respect for the other's competence, strength, and prowess

27. Ritual Communication con’t ... 3) Confrontation Men are more likely to enter a direct challenge with opposition Women prefer an indirect approach

28. Ritual Communication con’t ... • 4) Asking, "What Do You Think?" • Women use "What do you think?“ to show consideration and build rapport   • may be misinterpreted by others as indicating a lack confidence and decisiveness

29. Ritual Communication con’t ... • 5) What's So Funny? • Men prefer razzing, teasing, and mock-hostile attacks; Women prefer self-mocking   • Among same-sex individuals, shared humorous communication rituals can be rapport enhancing • Opposite-sex interactions, however, can be perceived as insensitive, uncaring, merciless and unnecessary • e.g., women who observe--or are the focus of--the male "mock attack" ritual.  

30. The Power of Talk Communication isn’t as simple as saying what you mean. How you say what you mean is crucial, and differs from one person to the next, because using language is learned social behaviour: How we talk and listen are deeply influenced by cultural experience. Although we might think that our ways of saying what we mean are natural, we can run into trouble if we interpret and evaluate others as if they necessarily felt the same way we’d feel if we spoke the way they did.

31. John Gray Are Men Poor Listeners?

32. John Gray: Why Mars and Venus Collide Keeping Score in Relationships Related Videos: Part I Part II Part III Part IV

33. Nonverbal Communication

34. Nonverbal Communication Men: Women: • Use more physical space • Stare • Use commanding gestures • Hold their heads straight • Keep a “poker face” • Yield physical space • Use moderate eye contact • Use acquiescent gestures • Tilt their heads • Use more facial expressions

35. Gaze Looking at someone who is speaking is considered polite and respectful in our culture Visual dominance: high-powered individuals tend to look at their subordinates while speaking to them but look away when listening to them

36. Touch We tend to “touch downward” in a status hierarchy Men are more likely to touch women than women are to touch men

37. Posture Females have a more constricted stance, keeping their legs together and their arms and hands close to their bodies Males spread out, occupy more space, sit and stand with their legs apart

38. Facial Expressions “Smile! You’ll look so much prettier!”

39. Personal Space “comfort zone”

40. Why Gender is Related to Communication Patterns Gender differences in social power Childhood socialization Current cultural context Physical size