The Sense of Structure Writing From the Reader’s Perspective By George D. Gopen

1. The Sense of StructureWriting From the Reader’s PerspectiveBy George D. Gopen Benjamin Lok 9/21/06

2. Outline • Why should this interest me? • Gopen’s Approach • Sentences • Paragraphs • Summary

3. Who would benefit from this talk/book? • Writers of technical papers and proposals • Writers who write X, but get reviewers that complain of Y • Writers for whom English is not a primary language

4. Approach • The problem with writing is that: • We have an idea X • We write down a set of words w • Mentally we associate w -> X • When we ‘proofread’ w, we mentally get X • Because of the association • Not necessarily because w -> X • How can we solve this? • We can’t

5. Approach • However, we can try to raise the percentage chance that a reader will associate w->X • By understanding what readers comprehend when reading w • Note: This means that some people will still believe w!->X

6. Gopen’s Approach • Study writing from the reader’s perspective • Fewer rules! • Example: • In the second study, people performed the task twice. • Study participants, in the second study, twice performed the task.. • From the reader’s perspective, which sentence gave us more information? • Why? • While we’ve been taught writing rules are paramount, it really is secondary in impacting what the user comprehends. • So what is primary? • Not word choice. • Word order! • 85% word order, 15% word choice

7. Emphasis • Although Fred is a nice guy, he beats his dog. • #4 • Although Fred beats his dog, he’s a nice guy. • #1 • Fred is a nice guy, but he beats his dog. • #3 • Fred beat his dog, but he’s a nice guy. • #2 • Evaluate: Stress point, and dependent/independent clauses • Important things to consider: • Dog lovers always hate Fred • You can make Fred unlikable

8. Carrot • Confidence - the message you are writing will be the same message the reader is reading • Efficiency - spend less time with your writing • Persuasion - subtly shape reader’s perceptions • Tools not rules. You won’t be forced to memorize anything!

9. Motivating Examples • Gopen is a writing instructor and consultant • Studies what people perceive when the read a passage. • Example: Which is correct? • A. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is broken. • B. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake which is broken. • C. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake that is broken. • D. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is broken. • Answer: • A&C grammatically correct, B&D grammatically wrong • The issue? The which/that rule is hard to remember

10. One Motivating Example • Example 2: Which is correct? • My sister, who plays the violin, is visiting me this summer • My sister who plays the violin is visiting me this summer • What is the difference? • What does this tell us about the writer/reader relationship? • Ahh, the writer already KNOWS how many sisters he/she has • “Filling in the ignorant reader” is the academic task of the writer • No!

11. Sentences • A sentence by itself is: • Rarely good nor bad • Neither correct nor wrong • E.g. stick a sentence in from the Gettysburg Address into Dr. King’s “I have a Dream” speech • What matters? • Context Counts • Word Order counts

12. Links to Movies/Songs • You attend a concert. Freeze a moment in time about 15 minutes into the concert. What do you expect in the next minute? • Movies – • Watchers/Listeners/READERS have expectations • If you break expectations • They get confused (the muddled feeling you get) • They distrust you (this is difficult to recover from)

13. Reader Expectations of a Sentence • Word Order Counts! • Talk welcome this to • Welcome to this talk • Why? • Reader expects certain conventions • Readers of English expect that the action of a sentence will be articulated by its verb • Therefore: always make sure that the verb of a sentence is the action of what are you saying.

14. Reader Expectations of a Sentence • Readers of English expect that the action of a sentence will be articulated by its verb • Therefore: always make sure that the verb of a sentence is the action of what are you saying. • Note what is perceived from the following: • What would be the student reaction accorded the imposition of such a requirement? • How would the students react to such a requirement? • How would the students react if the Dean imposed the new requirement? • The main question is: what is the authors intent? This is formalized by the verb

15. Reader Expectations of a Sentence • Readers of English expect that the action of a sentence will be articulated by its verb • Persuasion example: • We are firing you because you failed to meet your sales quota, as required by clause IV(b) of your employment contract. • Discontinuation of your employment contract has become necessary because of noncompliance with clause IV(b). • Which is easier to take? For everyone? How much easier? Is their a ceiling/floor?

16. Whose Story is This Anyways? • Readers expect the a clause will tell the story of whoever or whatever shows up first • Why? • The mind synthesizes words as they arrive • The order of arrival significantly affects synthesis • Example: Jack loves Jill. • What does the reader process? • What about: • Jill is loved by Jack • The point is when starting a sentence, ask yourself: Who is the story about? • What else does this imply: • You shouldn’t wait to tell the reader the subject

17. What are you waiting for? • Readers expect the grammatical subject to be followed almost immediately by the grammatical verb • Ex. The combination of such confidence in understanding situations and such unwillingness – or perhaps inability – to step forward and be assertive was completely new to her • Completely new to her was the combination of such confidence in understanding situations and such unwillingness – or perhaps inability -- to be step forward an be assertive.

18. What are you waiting for? • Readers expect the grammatical subject to be followed almost immediately by the grammatical verb • Make the first word is the subject • Make what the subject does the second word • A side effect: If you don’t readers will less likely remember what you place between a subject and verb! • Example: Participants, in the second study, took twice as long to complete the task as those in the first study.

19. A reminder… so what? • So what if I don’t follow these guidelines? • SUBJECT VERB… • ?

20. Save the Best for Last • Humans like to save the best for last • Like eating! Dessert is last! • Tool: Readers of English expect the material most to be emphasized in the sentence will appear at a moment of full syntactic closure, called a Stress Point (SP). • Corollary: Readers of English expect that every Stress position will be filled with material intended to receive significant emphasis. • Ex. Jack loves Jill • What do we expect is the author’s main point? • What do we expect to follow?

21. Emphasis Example • I went downtown yesterday, and I had a car accident. • Weird that both seem equivalent! • I went downtown yesterday. I had a car accident. • Both are equivalent, and the author clearly intended it. • When I went downtown yesterday, I had a car accident. • Car accident is most important. • Downtown yesterday, I had a car accident. • Car accident is by far the most important. • When I had the car accident yesterday, I was downtown. • Being downtown was the most important part. • Again, order matters, not word choice.

22. Summary • Word order is important • Subject should be the first word • Verb should follow • Stress point should in the last part of the sentence. • Foreshadowing: You can manipulate the reader!!!

23. Another Emphasis Example • Please Score: 0-100: • Overall, although the proposal is scientifically sound, the preliminary results are not persuasive. • Although the preliminary results are not persuasive, overall this proposal is scientifically sound. • Overall, this proposal is scientifically sound, but the preliminary results are not persuasive. • The preliminary results are not persuasive, but overall this proposal is scientifically sound. • Avg scores 30, 70, 40, 60.

24. Topic Position • Tool: Readers expect the material at the beginning of a sentence to provide a connection backward to the previous sentence. • Look at a paragraph’s topic positions! • Backward-Linking old information + Whose story = CONTEXT

25. Subject->SP relationship • Tool: Readers expect the material at the beginning of a sentence to contextualize them for the new and important material to be presented later in the sentence. • Tool: Readers form that context by answer two questions: (1) Whose story is this? And (2) How does this sentence link backward to the sentence before it? • How am I to use this to help me write? • Tool: Make sure that your subject and stress points in a paragraph are connected!

26. Paragraphs connect sentences • Eg. Asbestos insulation installers who have inhaled asbestos fibers over a period of many years regularly contract these diseases. • What is the most important things? • Could be installers, asbestos fibers, insulation, over a period of many years • You control things. AND the reader expects things (SP). • If you don’t the odds of them picking up on what you meant drop considerably

27. But it feels too restrictive! • You can add phrases, etc. however you just need to know how they will be perceived • Boredom does not rise from structure, but from content • Lots of freedom! • If your Topic and Stress points are full of stupid and boring things, perhaps your idea is too.

28. Take Home Points • Write most sentences as: • Subject -> Verb ->Stress Point • Whose Story – Action – Stress

29. Take Home Points • Paragraph • The *point* of your paragraph should be in the first two sentences (almost always) • The point of your entire paper should be at the end of the first paragraph • Subject1 -> Verb1 ->Stress Point1. Subject2 -> Verb2 ->Stress Point2. • Stress Point1 should be clearly related to Subject2. • Controlling movement->controlling thought • Controlling the whose story let’s you say what is the ‘star’ of the text. Controlling the stress points means you control what is important.

30. Bad Advice • Myth: “Write the way you speak” • Speaking has more information (verbal/nonverbal cues) • Instead: “Write the way your readers read” • Myth: “To see if your writing is good, read it out loud” • You only reinforce the w->X linkage, not whether someone will comprehend w->X • Myth: “To make it better, make it shorter” • Longer sentences are harder to write, not read! • Myth: “Avoid the verb to be and other weak verbs” • Verbs gain meaning through context. This is more important • Myth: “Vary the way you begin sentences to keep your reader interested” • Linkages, plus beginning of a sentence is just too important for variety sake. What is the role of your writing?

31. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0205296327/104-7959275-5021534?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0205296327/104-7959275-5021534?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155 • Remember: Writing is a part of the thinking process.