He’s Just NOT that into you

1. He’s Just NOT that into you Jennifer Gomes De Almeida- dealmediaj1@mail.montclair.edu Jackie Kernaghan- kernaghanj1@mail.montclair.edu Amanda Merkle- merklea1@mail.montclair.edu Allison White- whitea8@mail.montclair.edu

2. Summary: • By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo • Based on a popular episode of Sex and the City. • Consists of scenarios in which single women really like a guy, but the guy is giving mixed messages, so the women come up with excuses and prefers to believe that he is afraid of commitment, instead of realizing that he isn’t into her. • Educates women on relationship guidelines, on how to tell when a guy isn’t really into them. • That despite the women’s good intention, they are wasting their time. • It focuses on empowering women to believe that they are worth more than that. • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fYpADFLJl0

3. About the authors: • Gregory Behrendt -Born on July 21, 1963 - Lives in L.A with wife and two daughters -Bachelor’s degree in theater from University of Oregon - Worked as a script consultant to the HBO sitcom, Sex and the City -Stand- up comedian and author

4. About the authors: • Liz Tuccillo -Executive story editor for HBO’s Sex and the City - Author of the novel, How to Be Single - Currently single and lives in NYC

5. Main thesis: • The only reason why a man doesn’t approach a woman is because he doesn’t want to. • If your partner isn't giving you the attention you expect, don't hang around and wait for change - just move on.

6. Lessons Learned: • An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of ruining the friendship. • Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking. • If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will. • Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone. • You are good enough to be asked out.

7. Context: • Why men don’t commit to a relationship. • Men face little social pressure to get married because unlike in times past it is a lot easier for a man to get sex without having to say I do. • Men dread the possible consequences in the likely event the relationship does not work out. • It is men’s nature to delay anything that can cause drastic changes to their lives. • Before they take that final plunge however they want to be sure they are making the best possible choice. • Men cannot handle "emotionally heavy" women. • Women try to change them.

8. Data: Collected data? • The book is addressed to … • urbane, heterosexual women • looking for marriage. • It's not exactly an under-served market, but it is only slightly narrower than the Sex and the City demographic

9. What their advise would say … • Two or three advice-column style questions from women, which Greg answers; a paragraph or two under the heading "It's so simple," which reinforces the chapter titles • EXAMPLE: He’s Just Not that Into you if he’s not calling you … Page 24 The “But He’s been Traveling A LOT” Excuse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCWvVSE0WMk&feature=related

10. Example of Data • When conducting Studies, The authors would survey their friends or a specific group of individuals. • Example: Page 20, on the topic of “He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out” • We did an incredibly unscientific poll where we polled twenty of our male friends (ranging from ages 26- 45) who are in serious long-term relationships. Not one of their relationships started with the women asking them out first. One guy even said that if she had, “It would have spoiled all the fun.” - Reliable, creditable information? NO WAY!

11. Seemingly Innocent Words and phrases that can also be used for Evil • What it should mean: • Friend: I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you • Busy: I was just inaugurated president of the United States today • Call me: I just dropped my cell phone in the ocean ad I lost your number • I’m not ready: I can’t find my pants • What it sometimes means: • Friend: I’m just not that into you. • Busy: I’m just not that into you. • Call me: I’m just not that into you. • I’m not ready: I’m just not that into you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APdfCXufnOA

12. Results • Is this book actually helpful? Why or why not? - This book is helpful for women to understand a male’s perspective of why perhaps a man is not calling them, marrying them etc. - Advice is blunt and brutally honest - However, advice that is given is not always appropriate for all scenarios.

13. Results con’t • Is the author properly trained to write a self-help book? - NO! - Neither of them are educated in counseling or have studied relationships from a “scholarly” point of view - Not “dating experts” Basically they are just a couple of co-workers who came together to write a book in hopes of helping women realize when men are just not interested.

14. Friends with Benefits (FWB)(Mcgrinty, Knox, and Zusman, 2007) • 170 students • 75% were female and 25% were male • Women were more emotionally involved • 61.4% admit to this

15. Lies and Detecting Liars(Seager, & Wiseman, 1999), (Kornet, 1997), and • White lies and major lies • Everyone lies • Dating couples lie about 1/3 of the time • Reduced eye contact • Slower speech • Increased shift in posture

16. Final Exam Question #1 • The book, He’s Just Not that into you, is based off of what TV sitcom? a. Friends b. Will and Grace c. Sex and the City d. Three and a Half Men Answer: C. Sex and the City

17. Final Exam Question #2 • What was one aspect we learned one lying in the Seagar & Wiseman and Kornet articles? a. Only men lie b. When lying there is reduced eye contact c. Only women lie d. There is only one type of lie one can tell Answer: B. When lying there is reduced eye contact.

18. Final Exam Question #3 • From the articles" Friends with benefits: women want friends, men want benefits” and “Fooling all of the people half of the time” what is one way someone can tell their partner is lying? a. Reduced eye contact b. Increased shift in posture c. Slower speech d. All the above Answer: D. All the Above

19. Reference • McGinty, K., Knox, D., & Zusman, M. E. (2007). Friends with benefits:women want “friends,” men want “benefits.” College Student Journal, 41(4), 1128-1131. • Seager, P., & Wiseman, R. (1999). Fooling all of the people half of the time?. Science Spectra, (15), 32-37. • Kornet, A. (1997). The truth about lying. Psychology Today, 30(3), 52-57. • Beebe, S.A., Beebe, S.J., & Redmond, M.V. (2010).Interpersonal communication: relating to others. Allyn and Bacon.