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Understanding Generation ‘Y’

Understanding Generation ‘Y’. Presented by Kirri Campbell. WELCOME PARENTS!. Who am I? What we will be talking about today? Could all the parents with perfect teenagers please leave the room now!. ACTIVITY Could all the parents who were perfect as a teenager please stand up?.

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Understanding Generation ‘Y’

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  1. Understanding Generation ‘Y’ Presented by Kirri Campbell

  2. WELCOME PARENTS! • Who am I? • What we will be talking about today? • Could all the parents with perfect teenagers please leave the room now!

  3. ACTIVITYCould all the parents who were perfect as a teenager please stand up?

  4. Self-Esteem Generation

  5. One pair of jeans Rode our bike everywhere Presents only at Christmas Sat together at dinner Don’t answer back We had ‘alone time’ Have lots of jeans Mum drives us everywhere because it’s too dangerous Presents when we are good or just need something 70% of families eat separately (more often than not with the TV on) Comparing Gen ‘X’ to Gen ‘Y’

  6. Understand their interests Be honest One rule for all Negotiate Listen Show no judgement Be a role model Pick your moment Be calm Make time to communicate Set clear boundaries Focus on the positive Communicating with Generation ‘Y’

  7. Teenagers Think Differently

  8. Listening Tips • Rehearsing: spending your mental energy on preparing what you will say in response • Judging:  "writing off" a person as stupid or incompetent or uninformed and therefore not paying close attention to what they are saying • Identifying: relating everything the person says back to yourself so that the conversation becomes focused around you • Advising: trying to solve a problem or give advice without finishing listening to what the other person is saying • Sparring: being too quick to disagree or create an argument with the speaker • Derailing: constantly changing the topic of conversation (particularly when you aren’t winning) • Dreaming:  "checking out" or daydreaming rather than focusing on what the speaker is saying • Historian: Bringing up ancient history, stay in the moment, shows that you are listening.

  9. How Not to Communicate with Gen ‘Y’ • Criticizing • Commanding • Advising • Threatening • Diagnosing • Moralising • Reassuring • Excessive questions • Let me tell you my story.. Question: Are you sure you really have all the right answers?

  10. Teenage Priorities • Social Hierarchy • Social life • Partners • Friends • Self Image • Who shall I be today? • Public Image • How do friends/strangers perceive me? • Need to be viewed as capable and independent (Grown-up) • Love my family

  11. PHASES OF COMMUNICATION • Learning Phase (0-5 years) • Haven’t yet developed language. • Ie. Tantrums, yelling, crying, etc… • Independent Phase (6-12 years) • They really want to be independent yet desperately need you as support • Ie. Don’t, I can do it • Roll-the-eyes Phase (13-18 years) • Believe that life is like watching a “Learn to Surf” DVD, then believe that once it is over I will know how to surf! • Ie. Yeh, Yeh, I know how to do it!

  12. “I” STATEMENTS • “You really annoy me when you constantly interrupt me and I want you to stop it now.” VS. • “I feel very frustrated when you constantly interrupt me. What I would like is to complete my sentence uninterrupted then listen to your opinion.”

  13. Brady Bunch V’s Neighbours • The Home and Away Day • Romance • Intrigue • Sadness • Confrontation • Conflict • Gossip Does Home & Away and Neighbours accurately reflect life in the real world?

  14. Parenting Styles

  15. Parenting Styles

  16. CONFLICT RESOLUTION • Assertive • Standing up for yourself and your rights, while respecting others. • Check others’ feelings & come up with collaborative solutions • Aggressive • Standing up for yourself using violent language and/ or behaviour to dominate the other person • Blame, threaten or discount the other person • Passive • Allowing those around you to dictate your behaviour; not standing up for yourself • Remember YOU are the Parent!

  17. The Teenage Brain • What may appear obvious to you is not obvious to a teenager. • Brain is not finished developing • Can’t predict consequences • Communication is still cementing

  18. Not registering Testing boundaries Troubled Unimpressed Self-harming Lying High phone bills Lack of Appreciation Depression Dropping out of School Older partners Internet overuse Various Addictions Disobedience Disrespect WHAT IS CHALLENGING?

  19. Top Three Biggest Mistakes Made By Parents Best Friend Model • Does a best friend ground you? • Does a best friend put boundaries on behaviour? • How do we define “being cool?”

  20. Top Three Biggest Mistakes Made By Parents Consistency • Don’t punish yourself when punishing a teen • Follow through, follow through, follow through. • Make appropriate boundaries and stick to it.

  21. Top Three Biggest Mistakes Made By Parents The Let me fix it model • Question.... Are you raising a child or an adult? • Answer.... An adult, so teach responsibility! Pose questions rather than answers

  22. So How Do We Resolve The Challenging Behaviour?

  23. Tips… • Gold Fish Model (All RSPCA Sympathisers please leave the room now) • Parties • Mobile Phones • Messy bedrooms • Cold Sausages

  24. PREVENTION MODE • Suspect that there might be a problem • Stories not ringing true • Bad gut feeling • Not yet in trouble with drugs, alcohol or the police

  25. WARNING SIGNS • SECRETIVE/ GREATER PRIVACY • REGULAR/ SUDDEN ANGER • MISSING CURFEW • CHANGE IN PEER GROUP/IDENTITY • STOLEN MONEY • MOOD SWINGS • DROP IN GRADES • EXCESIVE SLEEPING

  26. CRISIS MODE • Teen is abusing drugs and or alcohol • Teen has been arrested • Teen has been kicked out of school • Teen has left home with no warning • Teen has self-harmed

  27. 10 THINGS PARENTS FORGET WITH TEENS 1. Lecture rather than discuss 2. Ignore the obvious 3. Not following through on rules and consequences 4. Setting unreasonable goals 5. Pointing out only the negative, expecting only the positive

  28. 10 THINGS PARENTS FORGET WITH TEENS 6. Leaving the education ‘up to someone else’ 7. Giving up on family time – too much hassle 8. Don’t burdening your teen with your problems. Allow your adolescent to remain a teenager. 9. Not taking the time to know what’s up with adolescents today 10. Fathers believing that parenting is woman’s work.. “Call me when there is a real problem”

  29. WHAT TO DO NOW? • KEEP THE DOOR OPEN AND ENCOURAGE OPEN COMMUNICATION • GET HELP, PHONE ANYONE AND EVERYONE, UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED • MAKE SURE YOU ARE STILL LOOKING AFTER YOU

  30. RESOURCES & QUESTIONS • MERCY RECONNECT 1800 800 046 • Triple-P – Positive Parenting Program (1800-654-432) • Parents Leadership Institute www.parentleaders.org • Children, Youth and Women’s Health www.cyh.sa.gov.au • Centrecare Any Questions?

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