Family Strengths

1. Family Strengths Marriage and Family Interaction HPER F258 Kathleen R. Gilbert, Ph.D. Indiana University

2. Small group discussion — Family Strengths • One of the things we have discussed in this class is the idea that we have (sometimes hidden) strengths in our families. For this assignment, group members are to identify the following: • At least one obvious strength in my family; • At least one hidden strength in my family (i.e., one that is not obvious); • At least one positive thing I learned about my family this semester • In discussion in your group, share these strengths and your ideas for building on them in the future.

3. Healthy families have high levels of the following: • Trust, commitment, and respect for one another • These factors underlie everything else • They facilitate healthy interaction and other behaviors, attitudes and beliefs about the family and other relationships.

4. What do we see in healthy families?

5. Affirmation and support for each other • Family members are supportive of each other in the face of stress • Family members encourage each other in both stressful and non-stressful times

6. A clear sense of membership in the family • Family members know who is in and who is out of the family • Family members also feel valued in that family membership

7. Sharing of responsibilities (and flexibility in carrying out tasks) • Family members extend their responsibility beyond their own—they watch out for each other and help each other out. • If someone in the family needs help, others step in.

8. A balance of interaction (sharing some information, respecting privacy in other ways) • Information is shared when needed and, when privacy (not secrecy) is desired, it’s respected

9. Effective communication (of both thoughts and feelings). This includes listening, one of the toughest things to do. • This is crucial for maintaining relationships.

10. Family rituals (especially critical are rituals of connection) • Families maintain connection through ritual • Family membership declared through ritual (I.e., who is in and who is out of the family)

11. A clear understanding of rules, but flexibility in implementing them • Remember that most rules are hidden • Rule sets are coherent (I.e., consistent with each other) • Absence of double binds and inconsistent application of rules

12. An overall positive outlook • Since you find what you’re looking for, if you look for positives, you ‘ll find them; if you look for negatives, you’ll find them, too. • Positive outlook increases likelihood of positive behavior being reinforced.

13. Playfulness with one another (i.e., family leisure, recreation) • The family that plays together stays together • Gives you opportunities to “let communication happen” (e.g., son and dad at batting cage, talking about school)

14. A sense of humor (affirming, not hurtful) • Humor, in and of itself, isn’t enough. It has to be affirming/gentle • Humor helps you get through tough times – reduces stress • Evidence that humor/laughter improves a person’s immune system

15. A shared core of religious/ spiritual/ values/ beliefs • Essentially, this is a shared world view. • Shared world view allows you to see and relate to things similarly • Does not need to be an organized religion

16. Behavior that indicates knowing right from wrong along with efforts to do right and avoid wrong • It is not enough to know what is moral, but to act on that belief • Remember the saying “actions speak louder than words”

17. Valuing of service to the community (i.e. to others) • Make contributions by doing things like volunteering time or helping out (e.g., coaching youth sports, helping with blood drives, leading church choir)

18. A broader sense of connection to the larger community and to the extended family • Connection extends beyond the immediate family to other relatives and friends in the community • This boils down to the idea that they are not isolated

19. An absence of drugs and/or alcohol abuse and/or overuse • This includes over the counter drugs and prescription drugs • Remember that overuse or abuse of legal drugs may be an indicator of stress in the family rather than a cause of stress/ dysfunction

20. An absence of the use of force, coercion or manipulation • This includes spanking – the use of force teaches force

21. An ability to come together to cope effectively with a crisis • Don’t single out one person as “the problem” who has to solve her/his own problem • Work together as a team to solve a problem

22. A willingness to recognize that they may have problems that are bigger than they can handle and are willing to seek outside help • Just because they are healthy doesn’t mean the can deal with all problems • Healthy families recognize their limitations and seek outside resources when needed

23. Final Thoughts and Conclusions • Working individually, draw up a list of 3 or more things you learned in this course that you plan to use to build your family strengths in the future. • In your small groups, discuss all of your lists. Compile these into a master list. • Spend some time saying goodbye to your fellow students.