Sara Hay, School Counselor Kelly Blair, Counseling Intern

1. Bullying: What Parents Need to Know Sara Hay, School CounselorKelly Blair, Counseling Intern

2. Agenda • Introduction • What is Bullying/Types • Girl vs. Boy Bullying • Why do students bully? • Signs that watch out for • What can you do to help? • What is A.G. Bell doing? • Resources!

3. Post-it Question: What is one thing you would like to know about bullying?

4. Case Study #1: • Each day, 10-year-old Seth asked his mom for more and more lunch money. Yet he seemed skinnier than ever and came home from school hungry. It turned out that Seth was handing his lunch money to a fifth-grader, who was threatening to beat him up if he didn't pay. • Pretend for a minute that you are the parent of this child: • How would you respond? • What would you say to your child? • What could you do to help?

5. Case Study #2 • Kayla, 13, thought things were going well at her new school, since all the popular girls were being so nice to her. But then she found out that one of them had posted mean rumors about her on a website. Kayla cried herself to sleep that night and started going to the nurse's office complaining of a stomachache to avoid the girls in study hall. • Pretend for a minute that you are the parent of this child: • How would you respond? • What would you say to your child? • What could you do to help?

6. What is Bullying? “Bullying is unfair and one-sided. It happens when someone keeps hurting, frightening, threatening, or leaving someone out on purpose.” (Steps to Respect, 2001)

7. Types of Bullying • Verbal: (Name-calling, teasing) • Physical: (Hitting, punching, shoving) • Social: (Spreading rumors, leaving people out on purpose, breaking up friendships) • Cyberbullying: (Using the Internet, mobile phones or other digital technologies to harm others)

8. Girl Bullying vs. Boy Bullying • How girls bully and boys bullying is very different • Boys tend to get physical, threatening bodily harm to their victims. (face to face bullying) • Easier to recognize and defuse • Girls tend to go for the emotions. By socially isolating or ostracizing, calling names, spreading rumors, and humiliating their victims. (behind the back bullying) • Harder to recognize and stop

9. Why Does Bullying Occur? • Establish a social order • Dominance/power • Control resources • Keep others way

10. Children who are bullied tend to: • Experience further rejection from peers. • Have lower self-esteem than other children. • Feel more lonely, anxious, and insecure. • Avoid and dislike school. (Steps to Respect, 2001)

11. Signs that your student might be getting bullied: • Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick • Has changes in eating habits/trouble sleeping • Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends • Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers • Loses interest or begins to do poorly in school • Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed • Talks about suicide/hurts themselves • Feels helpless • Often feels like they are not good enough • Blames themselves for their problems • Avoids certain places (Stopbullying.gov)

12. Signs that your student might be bullying others: • Becomes violent with others • Gets into physical or verbal fights with others • Gets sent to the principal’s office or detention a lot • Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained • Is quick to blame others • Will not accept responsibility for their actions • Has friends who bully others • Needs to win or be best at everything (Stopbullying.gov)

13. What can you do to help? Research shows that when adults become actively involved in handling bullying situations, bullying behaviors decrease. • CNN Video (Steps to Respect, 2001)

14. What can you do if your student is being bullied? • Never tell your student to ignore the bullying. • Don’t blame your student for the bullying. • Talk with your student. • Empathize with your student. • If you disagree with how your student handled the bullying situation, don’t criticize him or her. • Document ongoing bullying. • Do not encourage physical retaliation. • Work together to find solutions.

15. What can you do if your student is being bullied? (CONT) • Check your emotions.   • Contact a teacher, school counselor, or principal at your school immediately. • Encourage your student to make contact with friendly students in his or her class. • Help your student develop strategies and skills for handling bullying. (Ways to respond to bullying to follow). • If you or your student need additional help, seek help from a school counselor and/or mental health professional. (United States Department of Health and Human Services, 2011)

16. Ways a student can respond to bullying? • Speak up against bullying: Say something like, “stop it.” • Avoid the bully and use the buddy system: Staying with a group might help. • Hold the anger: use “cool down” strategies like counting to 10, taking breaths or walking away • Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully: firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Act like you do not care, even if you really do. • Tell an adult you trust:They may have ideas about what you can do. • Remove the incentives: If someone is taking their money, start bringing lunch. • Remind them: They are not alone. (United States Department of Health and Human Services, 2011)

17. LWSD/A.G. Bell School Policy Harassment, intimidation, or bullying means any intentional electronic, written, verbal, or physical act, including but not limited to one shown to be motivated because of his/her perceptions of the victim’s race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, or mental, physical, or sensory handicap or other distinguishing characteristics, when the intentional electronic, written, verbal, or physical act: • Physically harms a student or damages the student’s property • Has the effect of substantially interfering with a student’s education • Is so severe, persistent, or pervasive that it creates an intimidating or threatening educational environment • Has the effect of substantially disrupting the orderly operation of the school

18. How Do We Identify & Respond to Bullying in Our School? Bullying is often identified at A.G. Bell through student, parent, or teacher report When bullying is reported, Mr. Madsen and/or Mrs. Hay will start an investigation. Depending on the severity of the situation, different types of conflict resolution may happen. 1. Conflict Mediation 2. Loss of recess 3. Phone call home to parents 4. In school suspension 5. Out of school suspension

19. Our goal is to make A.G. Bell a bully-free zone! We do this by: • Teaching students to recognize, refuse, and report bullying. • KELSO • Recognizing students through our “Living the Bulldog Way” program.

20. Resources: Books and websites to learn more about Bullying

21. Websites to Check Out: • Stopbullying.gov A website that provides information how kids, teens, adults, educators, and community members can prevent or stop bullying. • Bullying.org A project for kids by kids. Youth can contribute their personal reflections, poems, music, drawings, photographs, and even films. • Finding Kind, findingkind.indieflix.com A documentary about girl bullying. Click on the link above to find a screening near you.

22. Children's Books We Recommend: • Stop Picking on Me: A first look at bullying, by Pat Thomas • Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns about Bullies, by Howard Binkow • Simon’s Hook: A story about teases and put-downs, by Karen G. Burnett • Say Something, by Peggy Moss • Enemy Pie, by Derek Munson • The Recess Queen, by Alexis O’Neill & Laura Huliska-Beith

23. Informational Books about Bullying • Queen Bees & Wannabees, by: Rosalind Wiseman • The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, by Barbara Coloroso • Odd Girl Out: The hidden culture of aggression in girls, by Rachel Simmons • Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four steps to bully-proof girls in the early grades, by Michelle Anthony & Reyna Lindert

24. Wrap-up Question: What is one thing you will take home with you today and use with your children?

25. Questions