Marital and Partnership Communication

1. Marital and Partnership Communication Chapter 13

2. Gender Differences in Communication • Some scholars believe that men and women come from different “cultures” • This would explain differences in communication styles between men and women

3. Sex and Gender • Sex • Biological classification of a male or female • Gender • Socially prescribed expectations for roles of people of a particular sex • Masculine Traits • Traditionally male stereotypes such as strength and aggression • Feminine Traits • Traditionally female stereotypes such as nurturing and emotion • Androgynous Traits • Some combination of masculine and feminine traits

4. Gender and Nonverbal Communication • Research indicates that there are differences in communication styles between men and women • However, there are also cultural, contextual, and individual differences in communication styles as well

5. Space and Touch • Women tend to exhibit more immediacy behaviors than men • Women are more likely to exchange affectionate touches than are men • Men use fewer touches during interaction with men than do women in • interaction with women

6. Space and Touch continued • Men tend to use space and touch to assume positions of authority—and this finding is seen in different cultures, too • Men tend to take up more physical space than do women by sprawling out when seated or moving around when standing

7. Facial expressions • Women tend to be more expressive than men and better at decoding facial expressions in others • Gender influences which expressions we show and which expressions we perceive: • Men show more anger, contempt, disgust, and pride • Women show more happiness, shame, fear, sadness, and embarrassment

8. Facial expressions continued • Women smile more than men do in many social situations • There is more social pressure to smile on women than there is on men • Women are more likely to smile strategically while men are more likely to smile to express positive emotions

9. Voice and Gesture • We can distinguish male and female voices in most cases, even when people whisper • Men tend to gesture in more expansive and relaxed postures compared to women

10. Gender and Language • Feminine speech… • …establishes equality between people • …show support for others • …attends to the emotional and relational meaning of communication • …engages in conversational maintenance work • …is personal and concrete • …is tentative

11. Gender and Language • Masculine speech… • …seeks to establish status and control • …pursues instrumental objectives • …aims for conversational command • …is direct and assertive • …is abstract • …is less emotionally responsive

12. Language Features of Female Communication

13. Language Features of Female Communication

14. Language Features of Male Communication

15. Marital Communication

16. Selecting a Partner • Teen marriages fail at a higher rate than do marriages of people in their 20s or 30s • Similar values, backgrounds, and life goals are correlated with marital success • Women are more likely to marry if they do not become single parents prior to marriage • Higher education is associated with marital stability

17. Selecting a Partner, continued • Cohabitation prior to marriage is not associated with marital success • Married sex tends to be more satisfying than single sex

18. Issues that lower the divorce rate: • First marriage • Higher education (college and above) • Married in 20s or 30s (not teens) • Not lived with many partners prior to marriage • Religious convictions

19. Marriage and Partnership • Marriage is a legal, lasting union that is created in a public ritual • Weddings are the ritual events that create a marriage • Weddings involve a community of people • Weddings involve rituals, which are traditional events with great significance to the participants

20. Marital Communication • Fitzpatrick’s Marital Typology • Marriages differ in terms of: Partner Roles: conventional v. nonconventional Connectedness: interdependent v. autonomous Conflict Behavior: engage v. avoid

21. Marital Communication Fitzpatrick’s Marriage Types • Traditionals- conventional ideological values, have high degree of interdependence, share information and intimacy and do not avoid conflict. • Independents- non-conventional ideological values, high level of companionship and sharing, psychologically close but autonomous in activities and space. • Separates- profess traditional values but place higher degree on autonomy, less companionship and sharing, maintain psychological and physical distance, avoid conflict.

22. Marriage Types & Ideology

23. Marital Conflict Gottman’s Theory of Marital Ecology • Marital Conflict Styles • Damaging Forms of Communication • Breaking the Cycle

24. Research Results • Gottman and his teams can predict with 96% accuracy whether a couple will be together in three years based on observing 45 minutes of interaction • 15 minutes neutral • 15 minutes positive • 15 minutes negative • Five basic marital types in terms of conflict resolution behaviors • Two types are unstable and will lead to dissolution • Three of the types are stable

25. Theory of Marital Ecology • Stable Marital Conflict Styles – Couples adopt an emotional-communicative style for dealing with conflict: • Validating – openly address conflict, share differences calmly and respectfully, listen attentively, empathize and compromise. • Volatile –frequent and intense conflict, hostile, listen poorly, argue fiercely, rarely empathize. One wins, one looses. • Avoiding –minimize disagreement, repress or deny conflict, rarely engage, agree to disagree.

26. Marital Ecology • Gottman’s research shows that no one stable style is better than another for marital success • Overall emotional quality of interaction which is predictive of harmony • Benchmark is 5:1 ratio of positive to negative exchanges (yet not all forms of negative communication are equal).

27. Damaging Forms of Negativity • The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse • Criticism (v. complaint) • Contempt • Defensiveness • Stonewalling

28. Criticism • Refers to attacking a spouse’s personality or character • Includes three types • Passing judgment • Bringing in long lists of complaints • Indicating lack of trust in a spouse

29. Contempt • Refers to the practice of partners insulting one another • Globalization of criticism statements • Includes • Name calling • Insults • Hostile humor • Mockery

30. What is OK? • Complaining is OK • A Complaint is a specific statement of displeasure directed at a specific action or event • A Criticism is much less specific and has blaming language in it • A Contempt statement involves language that is intended to insult and psychologically abuse the other

31. Defensiveness • Occurs when neither partner takes responsibility for their behaviors • Occurs when one perceives or anticipates a threat to face or relational definition by the other • Includes • Making excuses • Cross-complaining • Whining

32. Stonewalling • Occurs when the communication between the partners has broken down • Men are more likely to stonewall and women are more likely to respond defensively

33. Breaking the Negative Cycle • Take a break (20 minutes) • Learn to Calm Yourself • understand the danger of emotional flooding • Become Non-defensive • learn to respond non-defensively and to minimize defensiveness in others with your messages • Validate • you can acknowledge the other’s perceptions or feelings without agreeing with them • Over-learn the Strategies

34. Domestic Violence

35. Domestic Violence • IS violence • More than four million incidents against women each year

36. Types of Domestic Violence • Physical Battering • Slapping, hitting, choking, punching, kicking, and using objects as weapons • Sexual Abuse • Forced sexual activities • Psychological Violence • Threats, isolation, extreme jealousy, degradation, threats to children, symbolic violence • Property Violence • Threatened or actual destruction of property