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A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement

A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement. Welcome. WHY BOTHER?: The ‘Have to’ and ‘Want To’ of Relationships …& a word on ‘deepening’. To: s hare the four most transformational practices that I have ever come across in building great relationships

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A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement

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  1. A Conversation about Conversation: deepening relationship & engagement Welcome

  2. WHY BOTHER?:The ‘Have to’ and ‘Want To’ of Relationships…& a word on ‘deepening’

  3. To: • share the four most transformational practices that I have ever come across in building great relationships • give you the five most powerful words you can use to shift any relationship • give you two improvements you can make immediately to the effectiveness of your conversations Intentions and Content

  4. Part 1

  5. CHANGE YOUR WORLD ONE WORD AT A TIME How the Way You Speak Creates Your Life A beautiful, poetic, forceful and, above all, useful book on the impact of words in shaping our futures. It argues for care in choosing the words (and the thoughts that precede them) so that we create what we would choose to create. I strongly recommend this book as a short but forceful course in living. PAUL BIRCH, VISIONJUICE, UK Firth has split the atom with this small and explosive book about words and their huge creative leverage... read this, and all your communication will increase in power. STEVE CHANDLER, AUTHOR OF TIME WARRIOR

  6. The Problem:‘There are other Humans’Human 2.0 The Upgrade is Available

  7. The Universal Human Paradigm:we are disappointed in others and want them to be different

  8. Part 2

  9. Practice 1Who will I be?

  10. Practice 2Avoidance doesn’t work!

  11. Relationship: the word late 14c., from Anglo-Fr. relacioun, O.Fr. relacion (14c.), from L. relationem (nom. relatio) “a bringing back, restoring,” from relatus (see relate)

  12. Only connect...and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. ~ EM Forster

  13. Conversation: the word conversation mid-14c., from O.Fr. conversation, from L. conversationem (nom. conversatio) "act of living with," prp. of conversari "to live with, keep company with," lit. "turn about with," from L. com- intens. prefix + vertare, freq. of vertere (see versus).

  14. Practice 3I have a say…

  15. Practice 4The two levels of every communication…

  16. Part 3

  17. FIVE WORDS…

  18. The five words:InvitationRequestPromiseOfferApology

  19. TWO WAYS…

  20. 1. The invitation“I would like to have a conversation with
you about [this aspect of our relationship]... because I want to try and change/fix/
improve [the problem, issue, barrier you’d both acknowledge exists]...Would you be willing to talk with me about that?”Authenticity vs pretending

  21. 2. The envelope

  22. Tell them what you are committed to in terms of a shared result or goal. Those of you who are married committed to some parameters around a shared goal. eg‘in sickness and in health.’ There is no way back into a relationship without articulating another shared goal or common aim. If you and I are going to change the world with our love, I might be prepared to listen to some of the ‘difficult’ things you have to say about me right now. Without that shared context, why would I hear all those painful things? Examples: “I really want us to have a loving, intimate relationship again...” “I can promise you I want us to laugh again like we used to when we first started being together...” “If we get our working relationship back on track, this project is going to be phenomenal...” This stage of the conversation puts us in the place of creating a shared future rather than attempting to fix the past.

  23. The five words:InvitationRequestPromiseOfferApology

  24. Beyond Leadership Colorado/Arizona – June 2013 – March 2014

  25. Adding Consulting to your Coaching Practice Phoenix/Denver May – October 2013

  26. MY GIFT: a free 45 minute coaching conversation with you During this conversation, we will look at your current situation, your goals, your roadblocks and give you focused, strategic advice. • Create a sense of clarity about the business and/or life and/or relationship that you really want to have • Find out the essential building blocks for having your vision become a reality • Discover the #1 thing stopping you from having what you want • Identify the most powerful actions that will move towards the business, career, relationship or life you desire • Complete the consultation with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to create what you truly want david@davidfirth.com

  27. Final Thought I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming. Goethe, 1749-1832 david@davidfirth.com

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