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Arrangement Conference

Arrangement Conference. “Show me the manner in which a nation or a community cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the law of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals.” William Gladstone. Form vs. Function.

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Arrangement Conference

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  1. Arrangement Conference

  2. “Show me the manner in which a nation or a community cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the law of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals.” William Gladstone

  3. Form vs. Function • If the need to create meaningful ceremonies is so obvious….why has it posed such a challenge to the profession? • Bill Hillbrick • 2 reasons: • 1) form follows function • 2) changing what you cannot control

  4. Deritualization of the Funeral (Wolfelt) • 1) we live in the world’s first death-free generation • 2) we live in a mobile fast-paced culture • 3) we value self-reliance • 4) we are adopting a more academic attitude toward life and death • 5) we don’t understand the role of pain and suffering • 6) we have lost the symbolism of death • 7) we deny our own mortality

  5. Purposes of the Meaningful Funeral (Wolfelt) • 1) confirm that someone we love has died • 2) help us understand that death is final • 3) allow us to say goodbye • 4) serve as a private and public transition between our lives before the death to our lives after the death • 5) encourage us to embrace and express our pain • 6) help us to remember the person who died and encourage us to share those memories with others

  6. Purposes of the Meaningful Funeral (cont’d) • 7) offer a time and place for us to talk about the life and death of the deceased • 8) affirm the worth of our relationship with the person who died • 9) provide a social support system for us and other mourners • 10) help integrate mourners back into the community • 11) allow us to search for meaning in life and death • 12) reinforce the fact of death in all our lives • 13) establish ongoing helping relationships among mourners

  7. Funeral Misconceptions (Wolfelt) • Funerals are too expensive. • Funerals make us too sad. • Funerals are barbaric. • Funerals are inconvenient. • Funerals and cremation are mutually exclusive. • Funerals require the body to be embalmed.

  8. Funeral Misconceptions(cont’d) • Funerals are only for religious people. • Funerals are rote and meaningless. • Funerals should reflect what the dead person wanted. • Funerals are only for grown-ups.

  9. Reconciliation Needs of Mourning • 1) acknowledge the reality of the death • 2) move toward the pain of the loss • 3) remember the person who died • 4) develop a new self-identity • 5) search for meaning • 6) receive ongoing support from others

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