Chapter Eight – Relationship Issues & Trends

1. Chapter Eight – Relationship Issues & Trends

2. Relationship Issues Intermarriage Same-Sex Marriage Infidelity Spousal Violence Divorce

3. Honesty Kindness Respect Compatibility Humour Dependability Love Values Religious Commonality Communication Top 10 Characteristics that people want in a Partner

4. Feeling that marriage signifies commitment Moral values Belief that children should have married parents It is the natural thing to do Financial security Religious beliefs Pressure from family Pressure from friends Source: Reginald Bibby, A Canadian Hopes & Dreams, published by the Vanier Institute of the Family, 2004 Top 8 Reasons People Marry

5. Different values & beliefs Abuse – physical & emotional Alcohol & drugs Infidelity Career-related conflict Source: Reginald Bibby, A Canadian Hopes & Dreams, published by the Vanier Institute of the Family, 2004 Top 5 Reasons Why Couples Divorce

6. Why are couples breaking up? • “Do your own thing” individualism has eroded the sanctity of marriage • Married too young • Knowing you partner for only a short time before marriage • Women earning their money Why Couples are Breaking Up?By Donna McCloskey (Transition Dec. 1997)

7. 15 yrs after the divorce, couples are still not settle, not happy More complicated, more depleting, more lonely than they expect Decline in the standard of living Many women are far behind their ex-husband in terms of education & job experience – most never catch up Non-custodial father finds his role in his children’s lives somewhat diminished What happens to people who divorce?

8. Divorced man has a larger pool of potential mates than the divorced women Women are more likely to report psychological symptoms, far more men received repeated or long-term psychiatric hospitalization More divorced men kill themselves than divorced women

9. Children are more affected by ongoing fights, lower standard of living, a move to a new Neighborhood or mommy’s or daddy’s new “friend” that by the divorce per se Preschoolers plagued by nightmares, teens 3x more likely to be in psychological counseling, 5x more likely to be suspended or expelled from school As adults, many avoid intimacy because they fear abandonment, less likely to earn a good income and are more likely to get divorced themselves What about the kids?

10. Two-tiered system that would make it harder for parents to get a divorce Make divorce counseling or courses mandatory before you can get a divorce Increase public awareness using the radio, TV to encourage divorcing parents to cooperate in the best interest of their children What can we do about divorce?

11. Offer more and better courses on how to have a good marriage Intensive marriage education in high school More people should have access to subsidized counseling through employee assistance plans

12. Few countries do not permit divorce • There are no written laws on divorce among Natives prior to European arrival • Between 1867 & 1968, the only effective ground for divorce was adultery • Canadian laws derived from English common law where a double law existed • Because divorce was difficult to obtain: • Some sought it in Mexico or USA • Some fabricated adultery • Some simply separated Divorce in Canada

13. Grounds included: • Addiction to drugs, alcohol • Desertion for not less than 5 years • Separation for not less than 3 years • Marital offence – adultery, physical, mental, cruelty • Divorce rate in Canada lower than in UK, USA • Median age for divorce has declined • Average length of marriage for those seeking divorce is 10.7 years - 1985 • Rates are highest in Alberta & BC and lowest in NFLD & PEI Divorce Act 1968

14. Grounds included: Mental or physical cruelty Adultery Living separate for 1 year Divorce Act 1985

15. More than 30% of marriages end in divorce The older you are when you marry the more likely you are stay married Average age of males & females at the time of divorce was 39, 37 Federal law – must reside in province 1 year before filing Can file immediately if adultery or abuse involved Spousal support is based on level of income, length of marriage and is payable if, as a consequence of the divorce, there is an economic difference between parties – could be 5 year of lifetime depending on many factors Must equalize assets that each party is receiving half Divorce Facts

16. 40% of children have a difficult time bouncing back – scarred, resentful Gender & age of child are influencing factors Children can’t take severe, prolonged conflict on a continuing basis Children need to feel assurance that it’s not their fault Boys are more prone to acting out, behavior problems Girls typically turn inward with distrust, become overly dependent on male Impact of Divorce on Children

17. Divorce is good for parents and bad for children – have to mourn and rebuild Custody & access regulated by Children’s Law Reform Act Children from divorced homes were lower in self-esteem, school performance, confidence in their future As adults many avoid intimacy because they fear abandonment Report low levels of satisfaction with leisure activities, friendship and family life More likely to get divorced themselves