Active listening skills (ALS)

1. Active listening skills (ALS) by Joshua Taylor, Psy.D Adapted from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Crisis Negotiation Manual

2. Be heard

3. Philosophy of Crisis Negotiation Self Control The only aspect of a crisis situation that we have absolute control over is our own emotions When confronted with a difficult subject, the first step is not to control his/her behavior, but to control your own behavior If you can’t control yourself , you can’t control the situation

4. Approach 1. Don’t confuse getting even with getting what you want 2. Work toward de-escalation of the confrontation in order to lower tension 3. Focus on the process 4. Give the person “a hearing”, People want to be understood and listening is the cheapest and most effective concession you can make 5. Show respect

5. Philosophy of Active Listening Skills Lower emotions & return person to “normal” Establish rapport & influence Gather Information Encourage behavioral change

6. Gathering information Official Voice Questions Interview and Interrogation Accusations & Confrontations Investigation Physical Police Presence

7. ALS Minimal Encourages Open Ended questions Reflecting/Mirroring Emotion Labeling Paraphrasing “I” Message Effective pauses Summary

8. “Voice” The way something is said can be 5x more important the What is said Tone Inflection Rate

9. Emotional Labeling State the emotions heard You sound angry You seem hurt I hear loneliness You sound betrayed….abandoned…

10. Paraphrasing Put meaning in your own words Person in Crisis- She’s always talking and doesn’t pay attention to what I say You- She doesn’t listen to you

11. Mirroring/Reflecting Repeating the last few words Person in Crisis- He doesn’t pay attention to what I say to him and it makes me angry You- It makes you angry

12. Minimal Encouragers Brief responses (sounds) that indicate you are present and listening Really Yeah Okay Best used when the person is talking through an extended thought or for an extended period of time

13. Open ended Question Questions that require more than a Yes or No answer What happened today How would you like tis to work out

14. Effective Pauses Immediately before or after saying something meaningful Help focus thought and interaction Can also be an appropriate response to anger

15. Behavioral Change Stairway

16. Empathy Identification/Understanding of another’s situation, feelings and motive Identification is not Opposition Understanding is not agreement Empathy is not Sympathy- sympathy is an expression of pity or sorrow for the distress of another Nor is empathy about being nice… Empathizing with someone therefore does not mean agreeing with or necessarily liking the other side

17. Rapport Phrases that damage Rapport Calm down- This may be perceived as an order which may provoke intense anger I understand- You may in fact understand, however understanding must be demonstrated to maintain rapport. Often the phrase others use to interrupt with, in order to jump into problem solving Why- Feels accusatory, creates defensiveness

18. Rapport Phrases that can help rapport I can see (hear) how angry you are I’m listening What’s causing that

19. Influence The power or capacity to cause a change in thought or action Persistent uncooperative behavior, left unaddressed, risks your ability to influence

20. Points to remember Your Voice may be your strongest tool Empathy is neither opposition nor agreement ALS= Perishable Skills Once learned If not used , they diminish The more they are used the better Can be used in all aspects of life

21. Questions