Bronx Masquerade Character Essay

1. Bronx Masquerade Character Essay Corrections for Mrs. Michel

2. Some General Comments: • A good title shows your reader the direction of your essay. • Write about literature in the present tense (even if the story happened a long time ago.) • You do not (and should not) write about yourself or your essay within your essay.

3. Don’t talk about yourself • My character is Devon. I chose him because he is the character I relate to the most in the story. • I think Gloria is being a good friend by sharing her feelings with Lupe. Gloria doesn’t want Lupe to end up in the same situation.

4. Don’t Talk about your essay • In my essay I am going to talk about how Raynard is really a smart character even though the people in his class think that he is not.. • Tanisha is a bold and confident character as proven by the quotations in this paragraph.

5. Integrating Quotations #1: Shelia Gamberoni is a hard-working person. “The only one who wants a career instead of babies” (Grimes 109). Shelia would rather have a nice job before raising a family. She wants a nice job and in order to have a nice job she has to work hard in school. She would rather be off working hard and making money before she has kids. “I was watching the way Porscha walked trying to study it” (Grimes 133). Shelia was studying Porsha’s walk so that she wouldn’t be different anymore. Shelia was studying Porscha’s so that she could copy it and use it as her own. So as you can see, Shelia is a hardworking person.

6. Integrating Quotations #2: Shelia Gamberoni is a hard-working person. Her work ethic makes her feels different from the people around her when she says that she is the “only one who wants a career instead of babies” (Grimes 109). Shelia would rather have a nice job before raising a family, the role that is expected of her. She wants a nice job and in In order to have a nice job she has to work hard in school. She would rather be off working hard and making money before she has kids. Shelia also works hard to fit in. She says, “I was watching the way Porscha walked trying to study it” (Grimes 133). Shelia was studying Porsha’s walk so that she wouldn’t be different anymore. Shelia was studying Porscha’s so that she could copy it and use it as her own. Shelia believes that by working as hard at being like her classmates as she does in her schoolwork, she will fit in. So as you can see, Shelia is a hardworking person.

7. To Revise a Paragraph: “I nod, then go back to reading Imams Amis Baraka “”prepare to a twenty volume suicide note” (29). I choose poet to be one of the characteristic of Devon because he likes to read Baraka books and likes poetry. He thinks poetry is not the only thing jocks can read. “No, man, it’s not for class. I’m reading it for me, actually.” (83) This part of the quotation proves that Devon is not a dumb jock, but actually reading it for himself. He really loves Baraka and his work. This quotation proves that he loves poetry as well. Devon, a person who is a poet to the soul of his heart, will show jocks that reading poetry isn’t so bad.

8. Devon is a Poet Paragraph: What is done well? What needs to be improved? Stays focused on one topic throughout the whole paragraph. The supporting quotations do a good job proving the paragraph’s topic. The paragraph has a conclusion sentence to remind the reader what the paragraph is about. The paragraph needs a topic sentence to say what the paragraph is about. The quotations don’t make sense all by themselves. Some of the sentences have phrases that do not help the clarity of the paragraph. Ambiguous pronoun MLA errors

9. Revised Paragraph Though most of his classmates think of him as a jock, Devon really is an intellectual and a poet. He spends much of his time in the library, and when he sees a classmate there, too, he says, “I nod, then go back to reading Imams Amis Baraka’s Preface to a Twenty-Volume Suicide Note”(29). Devon likes to read Baraka books and likes poetry. He begins to be comfortable with his classmates knowing that he has depth and is a thinker. He thinks poetry is not the only thing jocks can read. He even tells one of his teammates, one of the guys who might judge him, “No, man, it’s not for class. I’m reading it for me, actually” (83). Devon is not a dumb jock, but rather, he is reading poetry for himself. He isn’t afraid of letting people see who is really is on the inside. Devon, a person who is a poet to the soul of his heart, will show jocks that reading poetry isn’t so bad.

10. Problems with grammar? “Major” Errors

11. Subject / Verb Agreement • Devon Hope, to many he is the next Kobe, but throughout the book he show that he more than that. • Correction: Devon Hope, to many he is just the next Kobe, but he shows that he is more than that.

12. Sentence Fragment • “He didn’t always treat me that way” (102). Especially anyone close to him. • Correction: Amy’s parents got divorced, her mom left, and her dad stopped loving the people closest to him. It hurt Amy because “He didn’t always treat [her] that way” (102).

13. Ambiguous Pronoun Reference • “Jump Shot. What kind of name is that? Not mine, but try telling that to the brothers at school. That’s all they ever call me” (Grimes 29). This means he’s saying he’s not just about basketball; he likes to do other stuff, too. • Correction: Devon Hope is saying that he’s not just about basketball; he likes to do other stuff, too.

14. Comma Splice • Raynard’s a dynamic character in Bronx Masquerade, he made people look at people with disorders differently. And he just changed the class in an overall major way. • Correction: Raynard is a dynamic character in Bronx Masquerade. He made people look at people with disorders differently, and doing so changed the class in a major way.

15. Quotation Error • “School ain’tnothin but a joke.” Correction: “School ain’t nothin but a joke” (Grimes 7). • “Shoot. If I had moves like Devon, I’d be crosscourt with Scotty Pippin! That’s probaly what the brotha’sgonna end up doing, anyway cause he ain’thaft the word man I am.” (33) Correction: “Shoot. If I had moves like Devon, I’d be crusin crosscourt with Scotty Pippin! That’s probably what the brotha’sgonna end up doing, anyway cause he ain’thalf the word man I am” (33).

16. Work Cited Grimes, Nikki. Bronx Masquerade. New York: Penguin, 2002. Print.

17. Want a Better grade???

18. Corrections – Due Friday Major Errors (Mandatory) New Final Draft (Important!) On separate, lined paper: copy the original sentence that contains the major error (sentences marked with “X” in the left margin) name the error the sentence contains write a corrected version of the sentence. Hand in a new final draft of your essay, changing as much or as little as you see fit. Make sure that all of your changes (even major errors) are highlighted in your new final draft. You will hand in your first final draft with the new final draft by class on Friday.