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What’s the point of English???

What’s the point of English???. Ok… so I get it… I do. Even I said it to my English teachers, when I was a rat-bag teenager who knew everything! “…I already know how to speak English… what’s the point of “learning” it at school!...”

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What’s the point of English???

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  1. What’s the point of English??? Ok… so I get it… I do. Even I said it to my English teachers, when I was a rat-bag teenager who knew everything! “…I already know how to speak English… what’s the point of “learning” it at school!...” “…how the *&%*!! is Shakespeare ever going to be of any use to me when I leave school?...” “…English is the biggest waste of time ever in the history of the universe!!! – I hate it!...” Well… let me tell you a little story! A TRUE story! …

  2. CHAPTER 1. Yal Once upon a time, in a galaxy not-so-far-away, a seemingly ordinary young Australian girl (let’s just call her Yal*) read “Heidi”. This book was set in the Swiss Alps. Yal (who was only 8 yrs old at the time) became enchanted with a dream that one day she would – like Heidi – live in the Alps.

  3. Must... get… “something more”… CHAPTER 2. Yal later… “You know, Yal, if you’re going to quit your job and head-off overseas – you should try and get “something more” out of the adventure. You know… ‘something more” than simply doing the post-card, back-packer. ski-bum thing that every other young Aussie ‘tourist’ does…” Norman yelled into the smokey haze of the noisy pub, “I mean – what’s the point of going to another country and just hanging-out with a bunch of other Aussie travellers who also want to ski in the Northern Hemisphere for a season?? Sure – you’ll be skiing… but shouldn’t you try to get “something more” out of it????” “Hmmmm…” Yal slurred through her tequila slammer. “…good point!”

  4. CHAPTER 3. Yal Chooses Something More The next morning, Yal takes herself… her hangover… and her credit card to the travel agent. Yal books a one-way flight to France (instead of Canada – where she had originally planned). “hmmm...” Yal muses at her plane ticket with vague amusement “ I guess I’ll have to learn French now. Not just the language – but the culture too!” Yal now had that “something more”. (She failed to notice that she was also about to live childhood her dream… living in the Alps!)

  5. CHAPTER 4. Yal wants some more “something more” In a French galaxy not-so-far-away, Yal lives in an apartment with her new friends in the French Alps. She skis everyday. She speaks French. Listens to French music. Watches French cartoons (The Simpsons with French voices amuses her!). She cooks French food. She drinks French wine and Pastisse. She walks to the Boulangerie every morning to collect warm baguettes and croissants. She wears French fashion. She even has a French boyfriend! (ooh la la!) Yal is very happy. She has become the “something more” that Norman had encouraged her to seek. But – Yal needs to find a job. And she needs to find a job fast! (9 months of no work and finding her “something more” had emptied Yal’s bank accounts!). “Bonjour Madame… can I have job please?”

  6. CHAPTER 5. Yal’s job-search dilemma. (Cue outrageous French accent…) “’ello Ma’amoiselle? … oi… we ‘av a job yes… bert, you must ‘av to write a letter off ’ow-you-say? – applicashun! ..oi.. ok… bye-bye” the boss hangs up the phone and Yal sighs. “sigh!”… You see? Do you understand Yal’s dilemma? Yal speaks French. She understands everything people say to her in French – even slang and humour. BUT – she can’t read or write or even spell in French! Her vocabulary (number of words she knows) in French is limited to conversational language. Yal knows that when she speaks French that she makes some grammar mistakes – but everyone understands what she means anyway.

  7. CHAPTER 6. Yal discovers… You see, the grammar of sentences and verbs and tenses and punctuation and all-that-stuff in French is very different to English. Yal has never learnt French grammar! She can’t write a formal business letter – which EVERY employer want’s before she can get a job! Yal doesn’t have the time or money to “learn” the complexities and craziness of French grammar. Besides, she knows that she’s now “too old” to really learn it anyway. Yal is 25 years old now. She knows that the best and easiest time to learn the complexities and craziness of ANY grammar is when you’re young. “sigh”… Yal sighs, again.

  8. CHAPTER 7. Yal’s next move… Yal’s nose lurks dangerously close to the reeking armpit of a greasy-looking skater-dude. The sharp edges of some suit’s brief-case crashes into her shin. And… eeeeuuuurrrrghhhhh????... the stinky-old-cheese gas of someone’s disgusting fart hit’s her in the nose like a sledgehammer! “Mind. The. Gap…” echoes through the station’s PA system as Yal squeezes through the 6 million bodies that pass through Victoria Station during London’s peak hour. Yal spots a quiet seat in a quiet café in the screaming chaos of the bulging city. The waitress delivers a grimy-looking cup of coffee. Yal takes out a pen – a writing pad – and the “Positions Vacant” section of a London newspaper… • Dear Sir/Madam, • I wish to apply for the position of Bar Attendant, as advertised in the London Standard, July 5th, 1995…..

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