a conceptual model of high conflict divorce

1. A Conceptual Model of High Conflict Divorce . .

2. Contested Custody in California(25 % of Cases are Contested) These examples most clearly illustrate the attitudes of parties embroiled in intense divorce conflict. relationship between such parents shares qualities mutual distrust, & projection of bad or evil characteristics onto one another. Such parents engage in insulting, belittling or blaming statements, expressions of anger, enmity, accusation, & blame. Further describing their attitudes, such parents see the other as harmful to their children & often see themselves as blameless victims. r unable to make positive statements about one another & generally criticize parenting practices each other. Often express fear f other parent spending time with their children. Often deal with these attitudes by communicating these perceptions to their children, directly or indirectly There can be intense pressure for children to take sides, sometimes justified by a parent�s sense of danger, injustice. Some are persons who derive a sense of moral superiority from being victims, and who see others as either for or against them. Obviously, high levels of conflict are expected at the beginning of divorce, among parties who have not settled their divorce without the court�s involvement. CA as an example, due to organization of courts, mandated mediation, etc., has lots of data available. 1980, Only 10% of divorcing parents in Calif disputed about custody By 1992 this number had more than doubled, and it has appeared to rise since According to several reports, 70-80 % custody cases settled w/o court intervention, & 50 % of contested cases resolved in court-mandated mediation Of remaining 50 %, half settled after a court-ordered psychological evaluation, half required a ruling by the court. This contested half of the pie might seem to define high Conflict divorce. But Depner and her colleagues, studying this group. noted that serious family issues and allegations were pervasive in the mediation group. Four out of five cases included allegations of child Abduction, sexual and or physical abuse, neglect, substance abuse, domestic violence or criminal activity In 65% percent of mediated cases domestic violence was alleged (by 1 or both) parties) Following suggestion Janet Johnston, slightly modified, can define High Conflict Div in terms of the domain in which the parties attempt to resolve their differences, the tactics they use to resolve conflicts, or their attitudes towards one another. Domain refers to the use of mediation, arbitration, custody hearings, and relitigation, as opposed to the parties settling their conflicts privately. Tactics include verbal reasoning as opposed to verbal aggression, strategic use of allegations, denial of contact, refusal to communicate, physical coercion or physical aggression. Attitudes refer to the degree of hostility, suspicion, fear or even paranoia experienced by the parties in these disputes.These examples most clearly illustrate the attitudes of parties embroiled in intense divorce conflict. relationship between such parents shares qualities mutual distrust, & projection of bad or evil characteristics onto one another. Such parents engage in insulting, belittling or blaming statements, expressions of anger, enmity, accusation, & blame. Further describing their attitudes, such parents see the other as harmful to their children & often see themselves as blameless victims. r unable to make positive statements about one another & generally criticize parenting practices each other. Often express fear f other parent spending time with their children. Often deal with these attitudes by communicating these perceptions to their children, directly or indirectly There can be intense pressure for children to take sides, sometimes justified by a parent�s sense of danger, injustice. Some are persons who derive a sense of moral superiority from being victims, and who see others as either for or against them. Obviously, high levels of conflict are expected at the beginning of divorce, among parties who have not settled their divorce without the court�s involvement. CA as an example, due to organization of courts, mandated mediation, etc., has lots of data available. 1980, Only 10% of divorcing parents in Calif disputed about custody By 1992 this number had more than doubled, and it has appeared to rise since According to several reports, 70-80 % custody cases settled w/o court intervention, & 50 % of contested cases resolved in court-mandated mediation Of remaining 50 %, half settled after a court-ordered psychological evaluation, half required a ruling by the court. This contested half of the pie might seem to define high Conflict divorce. But Depner and her colleagues, studying this group. noted that serious family issues and allegations were pervasive in the mediation group. Four out of five cases included allegations of child Abduction, sexual and or physical abuse, neglect, substance abuse, domestic violence or criminal activity In 65% percent of mediated cases domestic violence was alleged (by 1 or both) parties) Following suggestion Janet Johnston, slightly modified, can define High Conflict Div in terms of the domain in which the parties attempt to resolve their differences, the tactics they use to resolve conflicts, or their attitudes towards one another. Domain refers to the use of mediation, arbitration, custody hearings, and relitigation, as opposed to the parties settling their conflicts privately. Tactics include verbal reasoning as opposed to verbal aggression, strategic use of allegations, denial of contact, refusal to communicate, physical coercion or physical aggression. Attitudes refer to the degree of hostility, suspicion, fear or even paranoia experienced by the parties in these disputes.

3. Patterns of Coparenting in the Fourth Year after Separation Maccoby & Mnookin First factor emerged from measures was discord: freq argument, emotional outbursts, logistical problems in transfer, perceived interference in parenting, refusal or threatened refusal of parenting. satisfaction w res arrangement strong negative correl to discord 2nd factor was: coop�ve communication: how often talk abt children, attempts to coordinate rules, attempts to limit contacts between parents Found at the three year follow-up, four groups according to the combination of discord and communication: a) Disengaged: seldom talk, d coordinate any rules or activities, and have little conflict, often bec mk exchanges at times and places where they d hv to communicate b) Cooperative: parents isolate conflicts in thr rel from children, discuss children and plans, back each other up, coordinate rules and activities. This was the gp self-rated to be most satisfied w the residential arrangement c) Conflicted: parents who don't cooperate and d disengage. Their conflicts remained active and spill over into parenting. Seldom discuss children, d attempt to coordinate parenting. But they do argue,don�t manage transitions well, may threaten to cut off parenting time, report that other parent is undermining thr parenting. Kids in this group most likely to witness verbal or phy aggression between parents d) Mixed group- they discuss children's welfare and attempt to coordinate schedules, but maintain high degrees of conflict. Children in this group as likely to witness altercations as in the conflicted group. By the third year after divorce most former spouses have disengaged from conflict, but Wallerstein, and Maccoby and Mnookin found that in 25-33% percent of families displaying high Conflict at the time of divorce, high levels of conflict were sustained 3/5 yrs after the divorce . It never decreased during the childhood of this portion of their samples. A practical consideration: much more likely, with whatever intervention we make, to move people from the Conflicted to the Disengaged group than from Conflicted to CooperativeFirst factor emerged from measures was discord: freq argument, emotional outbursts, logistical problems in transfer, perceived interference in parenting, refusal or threatened refusal of parenting. satisfaction w res arrangement strong negative correl to discord 2nd factor was: coop�ve communication: how often talk abt children, attempts to coordinate rules, attempts to limit contacts between parents Found at the three year follow-up, four groups according to the combination of discord and communication: a) Disengaged: seldom talk, d coordinate any rules or activities, and have little conflict, often bec mk exchanges at times and places where they d hv to communicate b) Cooperative: parents isolate conflicts in thr rel from children, discuss children and plans, back each other up, coordinate rules and activities. This was the gp self-rated to be most satisfied w the residential arrangement c) Conflicted: parents who don't cooperate and d disengage. Their conflicts remained active and spill over into parenting. Seldom discuss children, d attempt to coordinate parenting. But they do argue,don�t manage transitions well, may threaten to cut off parenting time, report that other parent is undermining thr parenting. Kids in this group most likely to witness verbal or phy aggression between parents d) Mixed group- they discuss children's welfare and attempt to coordinate schedules, but maintain high degrees of conflict. Children in this group as likely to witness altercations as in the conflicted group. By the third year after divorce most former spouses have disengaged from conflict, but Wallerstein, and Maccoby and Mnookin found that in 25-33% percent of families displaying high Conflict at the time of divorce, high levels of conflict were sustained 3/5 yrs after the divorce . It never decreased during the childhood of this portion of their samples. A practical consideration: much more likely, with whatever intervention we make, to move people from the Conflicted to the Disengaged group than from Conflicted to Cooperative

4. Conflict Assessment Scale (based on Garrity and Baris) The children�s needs are paramount in the parents� interactions with one another and are separated from their relationship problems. The parents support another. At this end of the scale, the children receive maximal protection. This is where we hope parents to be; and this level of cooperation is what we expect when joint custody is considered. Incidentally, several studies of joint custody are consistent with Michigan law with regard to the requirements for joint custody: children whose parents shared joint custody do poorly in terms of their psychological adjustment if the parents are in the high Conflict group, and when parents are cooperative, they experience beneficial effects The high of the scale is characterized by physical endangerment to the child, physical or sexual abuse, substance abuse, and mental illness on the part of one or more parents. Clearly, protection of the child is an urgent objective at this level. Children at this level are often psychologically traumatized Some kind of abuse allegation appears to occur much more frequently than one might assume. In Depner�s study of mediated cases physical abuse of the child was alleged in 18 % of cases, sexual abuse in 8 %. In one review of 9,000 disputed custody cases in another jurisdiction, 1.5 percent, or 169 cases involved allegations of sexual abuse. Investigators who reviewed these cases felt that abuse probably did occur in fifty percent of cases, probably did not in 27 percent, could not tell in remaining 23 percent. Even mild Conflict, as defined by this scale, is harmful. At this level it is important to distinguish the acute conflict characterizing esp the first year after filing and chronic conflict and Conflict which endures over the long term. Lets look at a case Example (-------): (Case 1 slide) 4 children Referral to review a letter from a psychologist to whom father took his three year old daughter Therapist writes letter: supervised only contact w mgm, based upon report by father and by five year old who notes that he has secrets w gm. Father indic that l girl made gestures sugg�ing that mgm was quizzing her about poss sexual abuse by father Tx rec�ds order that father only be able to bring c to tx w him, when he has parenting time 2 kids acc father of physical abuse: CPS indic�s father has been overly rough, but no abuse. Kids refuse to see. One boy has been hospital this year, for slashing his own chest with Xacto knife Father in hospital this year, w a dx of dissociative disorder. Also has a history of sexual assault Family has seen multiple therapists, all of those who have seen children have seen both parents with children, with exception of the father�s hired gun PPO: Father�s atty says will drop supervision issue if m drops PPO We�ll come back to this chart with other case examples The children�s needs are paramount in the parents� interactions with one another and are separated from their relationship problems. The parents support another. At this end of the scale, the children receive maximal protection. This is where we hope parents to be; and this level of cooperation is what we expect when joint custody is considered. Incidentally, several studies of joint custody are consistent with Michigan law with regard to the requirements for joint custody: children whose parents shared joint custody do poorly in terms of their psychological adjustment if the parents are in the high Conflict group, and when parents are cooperative, they experience beneficial effects The high of the scale is characterized by physical endangerment to the child, physical or sexual abuse, substance abuse, and mental illness on the part of one or more parents. Clearly, protection of the child is an urgent objective at this level. Children at this level are often psychologically traumatized Some kind of abuse allegation appears to occur much more frequently than one might assume. In Depner�s study of mediated cases physical abuse of the child was alleged in 18 % of cases, sexual abuse in 8 %. In one review of 9,000 disputed custody cases in another jurisdiction, 1.5 percent, or 169 cases involved allegations of sexual abuse. Investigators who reviewed these cases felt that abuse probably did occur in fifty percent of cases, probably did not in 27 percent, could not tell in remaining 23 percent. Even mild Conflict, as defined by this scale, is harmful. At this level it is important to distinguish the acute conflict characterizing esp the first year after filing and chronic conflict and Conflict which endures over the long term. Lets look at a case Example (-------): (Case 1 slide) 4 children Referral to review a letter from a psychologist to whom father took his three year old daughter Therapist writes letter: supervised only contact w mgm, based upon report by father and by five year old who notes that he has secrets w gm. Father indic that l girl made gestures sugg�ing that mgm was quizzing her about poss sexual abuse by father Tx rec�ds order that father only be able to bring c to tx w him, when he has parenting time 2 kids acc father of physical abuse: CPS indic�s father has been overly rough, but no abuse. Kids refuse to see. One boy has been hospital this year, for slashing his own chest with Xacto knife Father in hospital this year, w a dx of dissociative disorder. Also has a history of sexual assault Family has seen multiple therapists, all of those who have seen children have seen both parents with children, with exception of the father�s hired gun PPO: Father�s atty says will drop supervision issue if m drops PPO We�ll come back to this chart with other case examples

5. Level of Conflict Changes Over Time With this chart I am trying to make a rather simple point: conflict changes over time needs to be studied over time, and its implications for child development needs to be understood in time. This chart is a hypothetical, conceptual depiction of the data from a series of studies including studies by Maccoby & Mnookin, Wallerstein and Johnston Imagine the intensity of conflict as the steps in the Conflict Assessment Scale (in your packets) The red and yellow groups might be conceptualized as chronically enmeshed in high levels of Conflict. These are the 10 to 25 % of divorcing couples whose level of conflict remains high. Such persons, who can be distinguished with increasing ease over time, are the core group about whom I am here concerned. The group described in green are characterized by acute Conflict at the time of filing for divorce, with the level of conflict diminishing over time in a series of steps. Many parents who contest custody, but whose level of hostility, personality functioning, and conflict tactics differ from the high Conflict groups, are in this category. 50% of Wallerstein�s longitudinal study of divorcing families demonstrated high levels of conflict at the time of divorce. Wallerstein and other researchers found that in half of these high conflict families the level of hostility was significantly reduced in the first two years after separation, but that in ten to twenty five percent of divorces the level of conflict between former spouses does not diminish. With this chart I am trying to make a rather simple point: conflict changes over time needs to be studied over time, and its implications for child development needs to be understood in time. This chart is a hypothetical, conceptual depiction of the data from a series of studies including studies by Maccoby & Mnookin, Wallerstein and Johnston Imagine the intensity of conflict as the steps in the Conflict Assessment Scale (in your packets) The red and yellow groups might be conceptualized as chronically enmeshed in high levels of Conflict. These are the 10 to 25 % of divorcing couples whose level of conflict remains high. Such persons, who can be distinguished with increasing ease over time, are the core group about whom I am here concerned. The group described in green are characterized by acute Conflict at the time of filing for divorce, with the level of conflict diminishing over time in a series of steps. Many parents who contest custody, but whose level of hostility, personality functioning, and conflict tactics differ from the high Conflict groups, are in this category. 50% of Wallerstein�s longitudinal study of divorcing families demonstrated high levels of conflict at the time of divorce. Wallerstein and other researchers found that in half of these high conflict families the level of hostility was significantly reduced in the first two years after separation, but that in ten to twenty five percent of divorces the level of conflict between former spouses does not diminish.

6. A Conceptual Model of High Conflict Divorce . .

7. Interventions for High Conflict Families and Visitation Refusal

8. Intervention Options in Relation to Level of Conflict The children�s needs are paramount in the parents� interactions with one another and are separated from their relationship problems. The parents support another. At this end of the scale, the children receive maximal protection. This is where we hope parents to be; and this level of cooperation is what we expect when joint custody is considered. Incidentally, several studies of joint custody are consistent with Michigan law with regard to the requirements for joint custody: children whose parents shared joint custody do poorly in terms of their psychological adjustment if the parents are in the high Conflict group, and when parents are cooperative, they experience beneficial effects The high of the scale is characterized by physical endangerment to the child, physical or sexual abuse, substance abuse, and mental illness on the part of one or more parents. Clearly, protection of the child is an urgent objective at this level. Children at this level are often psychologically traumatized Some kind of abuse allegation appears to occur much more frequently than one might assume. In Depner�s study of mediated cases physical abuse of the child was alleged in 18 % of cases, sexual abuse in 8 %. In one review of 9,000 disputed custody cases in another jurisdiction, 1.5 percent, or 169 cases involved allegations of sexual abuse. Investigators who reviewed these cases felt that abuse probably did occur in fifty percent of cases, probably did not in 27 percent, could not tell in remaining 23 percent. Even mild Conflict, as defined by this scale, is harmful. At this level it is important to distinguish the acute conflict characterizing esp the first year after filing and chronic conflict and Conflict which endures over the long term. Lets look at a case Example (): (Case 1 slide) 4 children Referral to review a letter from a psychologist to whom father took his three year old daughter Therapist writes letter: supervised only contact w mgm, based upon report by father and by five year old who notes that he has secrets w gm. Father indic that l girl made gestures sugg�ing that mgm was quizzing her about poss sexual abuse by father Tx rec�ds order that father only be able to bring c to tx w him, when he has parenting time 2 kids acc father of physical abuse: CPS indic�s father has been overly rough, but no abuse. Kids refuse to see. One boy has been hospital this year, for slashing his own chest with Xacto knife Father in hospital this year, w a dx of dissociative disorder. Also has a history of sexual assault Family has seen multiple therapists, all of those who have seen children have seen both parents with children, with exception of the father�s hired gun PPO: Father�s atty says will drop supervision issue if m drops PPO We�ll come back to this chart with other case examples The children�s needs are paramount in the parents� interactions with one another and are separated from their relationship problems. The parents support another. At this end of the scale, the children receive maximal protection. This is where we hope parents to be; and this level of cooperation is what we expect when joint custody is considered. Incidentally, several studies of joint custody are consistent with Michigan law with regard to the requirements for joint custody: children whose parents shared joint custody do poorly in terms of their psychological adjustment if the parents are in the high Conflict group, and when parents are cooperative, they experience beneficial effects The high of the scale is characterized by physical endangerment to the child, physical or sexual abuse, substance abuse, and mental illness on the part of one or more parents. Clearly, protection of the child is an urgent objective at this level. Children at this level are often psychologically traumatized Some kind of abuse allegation appears to occur much more frequently than one might assume. In Depner�s study of mediated cases physical abuse of the child was alleged in 18 % of cases, sexual abuse in 8 %. In one review of 9,000 disputed custody cases in another jurisdiction, 1.5 percent, or 169 cases involved allegations of sexual abuse. Investigators who reviewed these cases felt that abuse probably did occur in fifty percent of cases, probably did not in 27 percent, could not tell in remaining 23 percent. Even mild Conflict, as defined by this scale, is harmful. At this level it is important to distinguish the acute conflict characterizing esp the first year after filing and chronic conflict and Conflict which endures over the long term. Lets look at a case Example (): (Case 1 slide) 4 children Referral to review a letter from a psychologist to whom father took his three year old daughter Therapist writes letter: supervised only contact w mgm, based upon report by father and by five year old who notes that he has secrets w gm. Father indic that l girl made gestures sugg�ing that mgm was quizzing her about poss sexual abuse by father Tx rec�ds order that father only be able to bring c to tx w him, when he has parenting time 2 kids acc father of physical abuse: CPS indic�s father has been overly rough, but no abuse. Kids refuse to see. One boy has been hospital this year, for slashing his own chest with Xacto knife Father in hospital this year, w a dx of dissociative disorder. Also has a history of sexual assault Family has seen multiple therapists, all of those who have seen children have seen both parents with children, with exception of the father�s hired gun PPO: Father�s atty says will drop supervision issue if m drops PPO We�ll come back to this chart with other case examples

9. Interventions for High Conflict Families Idea: Keep out of court except when court is necessary, resolve disputes, reduce level of Conflict to which children are exposesIdea: Keep out of court except when court is necessary, resolve disputes, reduce level of Conflict to which children are exposes

10. Sources of the Divorce Impasse (based on Johnston and Campbell) Custody evaluators who focus on who is the better or worse parent rather than on how to meet the child�s needs. Allies who confirm the polarized, highly distorted view Interactional: 1) a continuation of marital struggles over power, intimacy; 2) effects of traumatic separation (Woman discovers that her husband has been seeing prostitutes); 3) the difference between being the left and the leaver. Traumatic separations can lead to what Johnston calls the negative reconstruction of reality: he never loved me, she was only ever interested in my money; we weren�t really married, I was just a sperm and money donor. Allies make these perceptions real. These beliefs contribute to distrust In another case, the loss of a child due to crib death was the core interactional issue between two parents whose struggle for their two remaining children was a study in desperation Intrapsychic: Divorce has two key psychological components, acc to such writers as Robert Emery and Janet Johnston: Loss and Rejection. There is a grieving process for the lost relationship, often most intense for the parent who is left, rather than the person who instigates the divorce. Clearly, people have different psychological vulnerabilities to loss and rejection. Some parents respond to the dissolution of their marriage with feelings of panic, which are linked to traumatic losses in childhood or to early deprivation and ungratifying experiences in the family of origin. Such parents desperately cling to their children, feeling unable to survive on their own. In one recent case a woman, who was both neglected and abused as a child, had fits of rage which were directed at her daughter. At the same time, she refused to let her husband put the daughter to bed, blocked his involvement in activities with her. Her serious psychological difficulties Vulnerability to feelings of rejection, or especially to feelings of shame, a core psychological dynamic of high Conflict divorce. Johnston has written extensively on she describes as a continuum of narcissistic vulnerability. Refers to the regulation of self esteem and the injury to self-esteem caused by divorce. At the mildest level is the feeling of personal inadequacy naturally caused by the failure of the marriage, or by being left by the spouse. If you say to such a parent that you feel that they have good qualities, as a parent or person, they will feel reassured. The next level is the level of extreme self-righteousness, superiority, feelings of entitlement. Such persons refuse to accept responsibility for any problems, blame others for all difficulties, and feel ownership of their children, as if they were an extension of themselves. strong narcissistic characteristics. If tell such a person they have good qualities, they will think you mean that they are good and the other parent is bad. At the extreme end are persons who experience their spouse or ex-spouse as evil, feel exploited, paranoid. For example, the mom who used her children as co-conspirators in an attempt to accuse their father of abuse and eliminate him from their life. (give example) A positive message, and I mean an honest one, will be perceived as you plotting against them Can see interaction of levels, adversarial custody Conflict clearly a ceremony of degradation and shame Custody evaluators who focus on who is the better or worse parent rather than on how to meet the child�s needs. Allies who confirm the polarized, highly distorted view Interactional: 1) a continuation of marital struggles over power, intimacy; 2) effects of traumatic separation (Woman discovers that her husband has been seeing prostitutes); 3) the difference between being the left and the leaver. Traumatic separations can lead to what Johnston calls the negative reconstruction of reality: he never loved me, she was only ever interested in my money; we weren�t really married, I was just a sperm and money donor. Allies make these perceptions real. These beliefs contribute to distrust In another case, the loss of a child due to crib death was the core interactional issue between two parents whose struggle for their two remaining children was a study in desperation Intrapsychic: Divorce has two key psychological components, acc to such writers as Robert Emery and Janet Johnston: Loss and Rejection. There is a grieving process for the lost relationship, often most intense for the parent who is left, rather than the person who instigates the divorce. Clearly, people have different psychological vulnerabilities to loss and rejection. Some parents respond to the dissolution of their marriage with feelings of panic, which are linked to traumatic losses in childhood or to early deprivation and ungratifying experiences in the family of origin. Such parents desperately cling to their children, feeling unable to survive on their own. In one recent case a woman, who was both neglected and abused as a child, had fits of rage which were directed at her daughter. At the same time, she refused to let her husband put the daughter to bed, blocked his involvement in activities with her. Her serious psychological difficulties Vulnerability to feelings of rejection, or especially to feelings of shame, a core psychological dynamic of high Conflict divorce. Johnston has written extensively on she describes as a continuum of narcissistic vulnerability. Refers to the regulation of self esteem and the injury to self-esteem caused by divorce. At the mildest level is the feeling of personal inadequacy naturally caused by the failure of the marriage, or by being left by the spouse. If you say to such a parent that you feel that they have good qualities, as a parent or person, they will feel reassured. The next level is the level of extreme self-righteousness, superiority, feelings of entitlement. Such persons refuse to accept responsibility for any problems, blame others for all difficulties, and feel ownership of their children, as if they were an extension of themselves. strong narcissistic characteristics. If tell such a person they have good qualities, they will think you mean that they are good and the other parent is bad. At the extreme end are persons who experience their spouse or ex-spouse as evil, feel exploited, paranoid. For example, the mom who used her children as co-conspirators in an attempt to accuse their father of abuse and eliminate him from their life. (give example) A positive message, and I mean an honest one, will be perceived as you plotting against them Can see interaction of levels, adversarial custody Conflict clearly a ceremony of degradation and shame

11. Reasons Why Children Refuse Visitation Separation Anxiety Deficits in Parenting Skills Oppositional Behavior Serious Problems of Non-Custodial Parent Response to Conflict Between Parents Parental Programming By deficits in parenting skills I am talking about problems due not to severe parent psychopathology, but rather to parent inexperience, a parent�s difficulties in making the transition to single parenthood and out of marriage. Parent education, supportive psychotherapy for parent are generally all required Some refusal is simply an expression of the normal phases of the development of autonomy, which in preadolescene and adol. in particular, is associated with periods where one or the other parent and the child butt heads for a period of time. Think of your own children. Parent guidance is genrally all that is necessary, sometimes the parent needs more flexibility, esp w teens Serious problems in the non-custodial parent have been seen by me in several cases. In such cases the non-custodial parent has psychological problems which render them frightening- one child I saw had a father who suffered from a paranoid personality disorder, and another child�s father was a chronic schizophrenic. While his doctor assured the court that he was capable of parenting time, this was always a very disturbing experience for the child. Children tend to develop a variety of difficulties when the level of conflict between their parents is mild or moderate and prolonged (show slide) ----Parental counseling, mediation or arbitration of specific issues, court orders that encourage disengaged, parallel parenting I�ve left off two that requires special attention: First is the child being witness to traumatic scenes of violence between the parents. Fear and even refusal to visit are expectable here, as the child may be suffering from PTSD and require treatment for same. Supervised access may be necessary, with a phase-in of contact with the abuser Second is the child being a victim of abuse, or cases (about 1 in 6) where the status of abuse is unclear. By deficits in parenting skills I am talking about problems due not to severe parent psychopathology, but rather to parent inexperience, a parent�s difficulties in making the transition to single parenthood and out of marriage. Parent education, supportive psychotherapy for parent are generally all required Some refusal is simply an expression of the normal phases of the development of autonomy, which in preadolescene and adol. in particular, is associated with periods where one or the other parent and the child butt heads for a period of time. Think of your own children. Parent guidance is genrally all that is necessary, sometimes the parent needs more flexibility, esp w teens Serious problems in the non-custodial parent have been seen by me in several cases. In such cases the non-custodial parent has psychological problems which render them frightening- one child I saw had a father who suffered from a paranoid personality disorder, and another child�s father was a chronic schizophrenic. While his doctor assured the court that he was capable of parenting time, this was always a very disturbing experience for the child. Children tend to develop a variety of difficulties when the level of conflict between their parents is mild or moderate and prolonged (show slide) ----Parental counseling, mediation or arbitration of specific issues, court orders that encourage disengaged, parallel parenting I�ve left off two that requires special attention: First is the child being witness to traumatic scenes of violence between the parents. Fear and even refusal to visit are expectable here, as the child may be suffering from PTSD and require treatment for same. Supervised access may be necessary, with a phase-in of contact with the abuser Second is the child being a victim of abuse, or cases (about 1 in 6) where the status of abuse is unclear.

12. Responses to Post-Divorce Parental Conflict (Emery) Children who live in highly conflictual or violent divorced families are chronically subjected to parental efforts to disrupt their relationship with the other parent- whether placing the child in a loyalty bind, encouraging the child to choose one or the other, or making active efforts to program or brainwash the child The child may become a mediator, trying to resolve their parents� problems, which can be exhausting, subject the child to feelings of helplessness, and reverse roles between the child who takes care of the parents as opposed to the opposed The child may try to be an angel, be perfect, please both parents, believing that somehow they must be responsible for the conflict The child may withdraw from both parents, who are frightening due to their lack of control The child may try to act as a �lightning rod�, getting into trouble to get the parents to cooperate Older children, particularly 9-12 years olds are very likely to form an opinion of who is right and who is wrong, in a specific instance or in general. According to one study, 75% of children of high conflict have such opinions, but don�t tell their parents 25% strongly align with one parent, refuse to visit the other parent and may actually reject and persecute the other parent. Such children are typically adopting the attitude of the parent with whom they align, who has been making active efforts to create just that sort of a situation Parents provide a model for the child to imitate a model of male-female relationships dominated by conflict, inability to resolve conflict, unhappiness, aggression, anger and bitterness Some studies show that in high conflict cases the children are witnessing verbal abuse on a frequent basis, once per week, and in a substantial number of cases they witness physical fights or abuse post divorce They are exposed to one or both parent speaking badly about the other They are used to pass insults and messages to the other parent They may be more likely to ask the child to make decisions- e.g. do you want to go up North with me or go with your father Children who live in highly conflictual or violent divorced families are chronically subjected to parental efforts to disrupt their relationship with the other parent- whether placing the child in a loyalty bind, encouraging the child to choose one or the other, or making active efforts to program or brainwash the child The child may become a mediator, trying to resolve their parents� problems, which can be exhausting, subject the child to feelings of helplessness, and reverse roles between the child who takes care of the parents as opposed to the opposed The child may try to be an angel, be perfect, please both parents, believing that somehow they must be responsible for the conflict The child may withdraw from both parents, who are frightening due to their lack of control The child may try to act as a �lightning rod�, getting into trouble to get the parents to cooperate Older children, particularly 9-12 years olds are very likely to form an opinion of who is right and who is wrong, in a specific instance or in general. According to one study, 75% of children of high conflict have such opinions, but don�t tell their parents 25% strongly align with one parent, refuse to visit the other parent and may actually reject and persecute the other parent. Such children are typically adopting the attitude of the parent with whom they align, who has been making active efforts to create just that sort of a situation Parents provide a model for the child to imitate a model of male-female relationships dominated by conflict, inability to resolve conflict, unhappiness, aggression, anger and bitterness Some studies show that in high conflict cases the children are witnessing verbal abuse on a frequent basis, once per week, and in a substantial number of cases they witness physical fights or abuse post divorce They are exposed to one or both parent speaking badly about the other They are used to pass insults and messages to the other parent They may be more likely to ask the child to make decisions- e.g. do you want to go up North with me or go with your father