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BE a real MAN

BE a real MAN. Session 5 Real Husbanding. Outline for series. The real man Week 1: a friend Week 2: his devotion to God Week 3: prayer Week 4: his marriage Week 5: Real Husbanding Week 6: Study your wife and understand her curse Week 7: his fatherhood Week 8: his .

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BE a real MAN

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  1. BE a real MAN Session 5 Real Husbanding BE a real man – God’s Way

  2. Outline for series • The real man • Week 1: a friend • Week 2: his devotion to God • Week 3: prayer • Week 4: his marriage • Week 5: Real Husbanding • Week 6: Study your wife and understand her curse • Week 7: his fatherhood • Week 8: his ... BE a real man – God’s Way

  3. Primary responsibility – love your wives! Eph 5:25 – 33 Col 3:19 BE a real man – God’s Way

  4. Why do you fail? ... BE a real man – God’s Way

  5. Reasons why you fail • Insincere Faith • Wrong Boss • Irresponsibility • Wilful Ignorance • Ungodly love • Ungodly responses BE a real man – God’s Way

  6. 1. Insincere Faith • Catch me if you can • Col 3:19 – assumes men were real believers • Circumcised with the circumcision made without hands (Col 2:12) • Died with Christ to the elementary principles of this world (Col 2:20) • Raised up with Christ (Col 3:1) • Real love = fruit of the spirit • No spirit = no real love • “Fix” relationship with Christ before wife BE a real man – God’s Way

  7. 2. Wrong Boss • Who’s the Boss? • Col 3 repeats Christ as “LORD” • Husband not final authority in home • Are you giving Jesus... • Lip service? • Head nod (and ignore his commands afterward)? • Who’s your boss? • Work? • Fear of man? • Getting wife to do what you want? • Relate to your wife for Christ, not yourself BE a real man – God’s Way

  8. 3. Irresponsibility • Realise stakes are high because... • Represent Christ on earth • ... As Christ is head of the church • Leader in home • Effect on entire family • Paul only commands love BE a real man – God’s Way

  9. 4. Wilful Ignorance • Not willing to learn • Listen but nor hear • Hearer of Word not Doer • Build a house • “The wise of heart will receive commands, but a babbling fool will be ruined” – Prov 10:8 BE a real man – God’s Way

  10. 5. Ungodly Love • As Christ loved the church... • No personal sacrifices? None of her interests? Selfish? • Jesus - Our interests above his own • Jesus - Our interests = His interests • Merit System • Waitress example • No love through action • “Love your wives” commands action • Lack of interest in wife’s spiritual growth • “so that He might sanctify, cleanse, wash with water of Word” – Eph 5:23 – 25 • Evaluate against Word, not World BE a real man – God’s Way

  11. 6. Ungodly Responses • Godly marriage != No Problems • Wife sins – your response? • “... Do not be embittered against them” • Bitterness festers – eventually abuse authority • Bitterness refuses to take responsibility • Forgive • Forgive • Forgive! BE a real man – God’s Way

  12. How to NOT fail ... BE a real man – God’s Way

  13. How NOT to fail • Cherish your wife • Nourish your wife • Follow Jesus’ example • Lead • Learn BE a real man – God’s Way

  14. 1. Cherish • “Love your wives as you love yourselves” – Eph 5:28 • Word study: Cherish • 1 Th 2:7 • 1 Pe 3:7 (similar idea) • “As with someone weaker” • Husband/wife authority • Root of feminism • Pride in the woman • Men abused authority BE a real man – God’s Way

  15. 2. Nourish your wife • “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,” – Eph 5:29 • Word study: nourish • Eph 6:4 • Gen 47:12 • Provide for your wife’s needs • 1 Tim 5:8 – fail and you’re worse than an unbeliever • What are her needs? Find out! • Shepherd BE a real man – God’s Way

  16. 2b. Nourish – Ps 23 BE a real man – God’s Way

  17. 3. History’s Greatest Example • “... love your wives, as Christ loved the church ...” - Eph 5:25–26 • Graciously • All of grace, church does not deserve any of it • Always, freely, volitionally • Unendingly, faithfully • Jn 13:1 – loved them to the end... - disciples • Jer 31:3 – with an everlasting love - Israel • Rom 8:38 – nothing can seperate – church body • Unselfishly • God self sufficient, all for our benefit (2 Cor 8:9) • Love does not seek its own (1 Cor 13:5) • Constructively • Christ’s love is purifying, it sanctifies, it cleanses • It works in us, makes us better • So... BE a real man – God’s Way

  18. 3b. History’s Greatest Example “When a husband’s love is like Christ’s love for his church, he will continually seek to help purify her from any sort of defilement. He will seek to protect her from the world’s contamination and protect her holiness, virtue, and purity in every area. He will never induce her to do that which is wrong or unwise or expose her to that which is less than good. Love wants only the best for the one it loves, and it cannot bear for a loved one to be corrupted or misled by anything evil or harmful. “ - John MacArthur BE a real man – God’s Way

  19. 3c. History’s Greatest Example • Sacrificially • More than time, energy. Gave life. • Sacrifice time, interests, feelings, desires • Especially • Church special in Christs’ eyes, so our wives • Wives above anything else, save God • Openly, aggressively • Not passive or hidden • No one should doubt our love for our wives • Forgivingly • Jesus’ forgiveness never runs out • “If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, that you may be feared.” (Psalm 130:3–4, ESV) BE a real man – God’s Way

  20. Primary responsibility – lead your wives! Eph 5:22 – 33 Col 3:19 As Jesus is head of the church BE a real man – God’s Way

  21. 4. Lead • Two principles from Eph 5 – love and lead • “head of the wife” • Lack of -/bad leadership • Recall chauvinist and coward examples last week BE a real man – God’s Way

  22. 4. Leading – how? • Others orientated • Jesus didn’t lead for His benefit • God’s commands are invitations to blessing (abide in me and I will abide in you...) • Sacrificial and selfless • Humble. Endured ignorance, insults, indignities • Humble not prideful • Goal orientated • “I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do.” (John 17:4, ESV) • Glorifying God in family/role as husband • Good problem solvers • Don’t abdicate decision making, yet don’t dictate either • Solve problem, find root • Give relevant, appropriate, meaningful, clear instruction like Jesus BE a real man – God’s Way

  23. 4b. Leading – how? • Good motivators, coaches • Christ always discussed/explained to disciples after preaching • “He did not speak to them without a parable, but privately to his own disciples he explained everything.” (Mark 4:34, ESV) • Be available • Christ travelled, ate, stayed overnight with disciples • Wives (and family) need to benefit from personal time • Provide with resources she requires • Make bricks without straw? • Christ gives us everything we need • “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33, ESV) • Gracefully handles failings • No insults, reminding of faults, I told you so... BE a real man – God’s Way

  24. Group discussion ... BE a real man – God’s Way

  25. Group discussion • How does the Bible’s teaching on marriage apply to • Supporting married friends? • Your own expectations of marriage? • What to look for in a potential wife? BE a real man – God’s Way

  26. 5. Learn • Next week’s session: • Study your wife and understand her curse BE a real man – God’s Way

  27. Recommended Reading • Sweethearts for a lifetime – Wayne and Carol Mack • Your family God’s way – Wayne Mack • Solving Marriage Problems – Jay E. Adams BE a real man – God’s Way

  28. Questions ? BE a real man – God’s Way

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