Mirror, Mirror on the Wall …

1. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall … Southern Central Counseling Association December 7, 2012 Dr. Susan R. Rose, Ph.D., NCC

2. Agenda 8:30 – 8:40 Meet & Greet/Introductions 8:40 – 8:55 Introduction of Body Image • Positive and Negative Body Image 8:55 – 9:55 How Body Image is Formed • Life Experience • Feelings & Mood • Imagination • Environment • Self-Esteem/Self-Concept 9:55 – 10:05 Break 10:05 – 10:15 Statistics • Diets and Dollars 10:15 – 10:25 Body Image & Disordered Eating 10:25 – 11:00 The Media • Messages from the Media • Example from Figi • Media Statistics • Media Techniques/Manipulation 11:00 – 11:15 Changing the Thought Process 11:15 – 11:30 Questions/Comments/Concerns

3. Introduction • We are not born with a body image; it is learned. • Our culture consistently communicates that we don’t “measure up”. • Insecurity about appearance has become a global norm.

4. A Positive Body Image Is A clear and true perception about one’s body and physical characteristics. 1 Appreciating and caring for your body. 2 Accepting others holistically – not just their physical appearance. 3 Feeling comfortable and confident in your own skin. 4

5. A Negative Body Image Is An unaccepting perception of one’s body (shape) and physical characteristics. 1 Believing you would be accepted by others if you looked different. 2 Believing that others are better looking and liked more because of their physical characteristics. 3 Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin or, even worse, embarrassed around others. 4

6. Feelings & Mood Body Image Self-Esteem/ Self-Concept Life Experiences Imagination Environment How Body Image Is Formed

7. Schema Defined • 1.a diagram, plan, or scheme. • Synonyms: outline, framework, model. • 2. an underlying organizational pattern or structure; conceptual framework • A schema provides the basis by which someone relates to the events he or sheexperiences. Life Experiences

8. Think about the models from the sixteenth century. In their day, they were considered the ultimate of perfection and beauty. • Yet, they would have been a size 16 or bigger in today’s society. • Consider the ladies with their parasols at the turn of the 19th century. • Fair skin was the rage. A tan face and body meant you had to work. • Now, we all risk skin cancer for that same tan skin. Once again, perception rules! Feelings & Mood: Perception

9. Feelings & Mood Activity: Gift

10. Feelings & Mood Activity: Gift Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Compassion Fairness Respect

11. Did you care how beautiful the package was? • What was your primary concern? • What was on the inside! • That’s what our bodies are. They are simply the package that carries us around. We are not the package, but rather the personality on the inside. Learn to appreciate that beautiful person just like elementary children! • When I leave this old world, I surely hope that I am remembered for more than the package. • Let’s stop and think for a minute, what do you want your legacy to be? • That’s what creates our self-esteem – those lasting things we do, not the body that we see. Feelings & Mood Activity: Gift

12. Imagination • Who is Norma Jean Mortenson-Baker? Imagination

13. Imagination: Your Own or Somebody Else’s • In today’s society, she would shop in the “plus size” section as she was a size 14. But, in her day, she gained fame from a society that glamorized the curvy figure. • Here again, perception rules! • The tragedy happens when we look deeper to see the personal perception that Marilyn had of herself. • Whether you believe that she committed suicide or was murdered, the fact remains that she was unhappy. • She was always reaching to fit into that “Beautiful People” group or the “Success Regime”. • The sad fact was that she had already arrived. • The brass ring was not obtainable for her because of her self-image.

14. We can think of several such figures throughout history and within the modern day society. • Discussion: Who are some of these figures that allowed their imagination to either allow their success or “demise”? Imagination: Other Examples

15. A major factor: the message we receive from our parents. • To a great extent, our body image comes from the physical and emotional input we received as children. • Although media driven images and expectations certainly have an effect, messages from significant others have an even more dramatic impact on how we feel physically and emotionally about our bodies as adults. • Our parents have the most profound effect on our body image. • If they like how we look and tell us so, we face the world with a head start. • If, on the other hand, our parents dislike our appearance, our body image will be tremendously influenced in a negative way. (Engel, 2006) Environment

16. Barbara Streisand [Jay Carr (1996), The Boston Globe]. • She said, “It’s actually my mother who never told me I was pretty. The words in the film The Mirror Has Two Faces are her words when I asked her what I looked like when I was a little girl. You know we play out the roles that our parents assign to us. I was the smart kid. I was the funny kid. My sister was the pretty kid. We play our roles until we come into a state of consciousness that says, ‘I will separate from my parents’ view of me’ once you get mature enough. That’s what’s wonderful about getting older. You’re not stuck in the mud of the pattern. You make your choices.” Environment: Example

17. My husband replied to me one day when I fell into the trap of comparing myself to another, “Don’t be so insecure. It doesn’t look good on you.” • What he meant by this was to remember who I was: I was his wife, the mother of his children. Do not be so foolish as to think that he had chosen second best for himself. • I am lucky because he reminds me of this each and every time I fall into this line of thinking that I “so affectionately” call the Rudolph Syndrome. Environment: Example

18. Rudolph was given a special gift. • This could have made him feel “puffed up” or conceited. • But, he allowed the other reindeer (Those in his Environment) to cause him to feel ashamed of his gift. • The other reindeer “never let him play”. • He allowed the others to make him feel less than the rest. • When we begin comparing ourselves, we allow others to pull us down with them. • What is your “Rudolph gift”? • Find these gifts and make the most of them for yourself and your students. • Remember who you are! • Whoever you are, you can count on being special to someone. Environment: The Rudolph Syndrome

19. One of my favorite stories is from my daughter. • One day, when she was a mere preschooler, she looked at me and said, “Mom, will I look like you when I grow up?” • At that time, she looked so much like me that I said, “Yes, honey, I’m sorry, but you will.” • She threw her hands up as if in a cheer and said, “Yes!” • That was the biggest compliment I have ever received. She loved me enough to want to look just like me. • This love is most important as Rudolph taught us. When Rudolph accepted his nose and loved himself, others did as well. • Now, lest we forget, we know that Rudolph was a fictional character. Still, the moral of his story is significant for us today. Because he accepted himself right down to what others considered his faults, he “went down in history”. We cannot love others fully if we do not first love ourselves. Environment: Another Example

20. Environment: Getting Out of the Muck • Eliminate the negative, accentuate the positive • Be accepting of others, so that we can learn to accept ourselves and teach our students to accept themselves! • Have you ever wondered why some people turn heads when they enter a room? • Because they are the most beautiful or magnificent? • Then, why don’t all people of the same category turn heads? • And – a more difficult question – why do some people whom society would deem merely average also turn heads? • The answer this time – it’s the presence. • Attitude rules! It’s confidence that counts. • Their own perceptions of themselves breed a positive attitude that is inviting and contagious. • We need to unload our bags of negativity before we can move on to help our students.

21. Activity: Facing Our Negativity so we can accentuate the Positive • Before we move on to Self-Esteem, let’s promise that beautiful self that you will not put it through any emotional threatening molds or moods again! • The truest form of tragedy is when others can recognize your gifts, while you cannot. • Allow those compliments and that praise from those who love you to set the stage for you. • This is a primary step in helping your students, because they see themselves as reflections of you. • Now, write at least five good things about your body image. Pull out more paper when you need it. (Notice I said “when”, not “if”.)

22. Activity Discussion • We live up to self-fulfilling prophecy. • If someone we loved and respected (their counselor or teachers) told us we were valued and beautiful, then we believed it. • This gift of a positive self-image can be given at any time in a person’s life by almost any body. • If a person does not receive affirmation of a positive self-image, they can develop it on their own. • This activity provides that outlet for you. • Be the one to love yourself enough to give yourself that gift.

23. Visual Kinesthetic Mental Emotional Self-Esteem/Self-Concept: Factors to Consider There are four main components to an individuals self-concept of their body. • How you see yourself • How you feel about your body • What you believe to be true about your body • How you feel inside of your skin

24. Self-Esteem/Self-Concept: Let’s Talk About It "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time." ~ Anna Freud • We must first heal ourselves before we can help others. • Your body image and the way you feel and care about your body is an essential part of your overall sense of self worth and level of self-esteem, therefore improving your body image can help you make lasting and meaningful improvements to your overall self-image and vice versa. • For many people, low self-esteem is caused by a negative body image, while for others it is low self-esteem that comes first and the negative body image that follows. • Does your body say, “I feel really good about myself” or does it say, “I feel really inferior about myself?”

25. Self-Esteem/Self-Concept: Reflection • Just as every little thing is beautiful in its own way, so are all of us. • Each house with its unique structure is lived in and wanted by someone. • Each perfume, with its distinctive smell is purchased, worn and appreciated by someone. • Each flower with its special blossom smells sweet and appears beautiful to someone. • Even dandelions are enjoyed by children! • Each animal with its distinguished character and look is cherished by someone. • Even Pumba, the warthog, is cute in his own way. And, he teaches a wonderful lesson in “Akuna Matata”. Just listen to the words. • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOPm0GqthGY

26. Statistics • 42% of 1st – 3rd grade girls want to be thinner. • 45% of boys and girls in grades 3 – 6 want to be thinner. • 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat. • A study found that 53% of 13-year-old American girls are unhappy with their bodies. • This number grows to 78% by the time girls reach 17. • About 7% of 12 grade males have used steroids in order to become more muscular. • One out of every 5 college aged woman has an eating disorder. • It is estimated that 40-50% of American women are trying to lose weight in any point in time.

27. Statistics • In 2007, there were about 11.7 million cosmetic procedures performed in the U.S. • 91% of those were performed on women. • The average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 pounds. • Twenty years ago, models weighed 8% less than the average woman. • Today, they weigh 23 % less than the average woman. • The average American model is 5”11” tall and weighs 117 pounds.

28. The Diet Wars $$$ $$$ The Diet Wars Statistics: Diets and Dollars The diet industry is a MULTI-BILLION dollar industry with a 99% failure rate! 46% of 9-11 year old are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets. 82% of their families are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets. 25% of American Men and 45% of American Women are on a diet on any given day. Americans spend over $40 billion on dieting and diet-related products each year.

29. Body Image & Disordered Eating • Negative body image can lead to disordered eating and/or eating disorders. • Having a negative body image does not mean an eating disorder exists. • What are eating disorders? • Anorexia • Bulimia • Binge Eating Disorder • EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) • Obesity and Body Image • Overweight children/teens are most negatively impacted by body image concerns • Obesity issues are multi-faceted

30. Normalcy • Fat is common table talk • Size discrimination is often the reason students are bullied and directly correlated with significantly lower self-esteem • The inherent goal of most teenagers is to fit in. • Often, teens will go to extremes to feel included.

31. The Media

32. There is Something Wrong with You … Messages from the Media And we’ll fix it! If you buy our product, You will be better!

33. Ellen Goodman (1999) writes of the “Joy of Fat” in this remote country. The women greet each other with cheerful exchanges of ritual compliments of “You look wonderful! You’ve put on weight!” • In Fiji, before 1995, big was beautiful and bigger was more beautiful. • Food was not only love, it was a cultural imperative. • Eating and overeating were rites of mutual hospitality. • Everyone worried about losing weight. • “Going thin” was considered to be a sign of some social problem – a worrisome indication the person wasn’t getting enough to eat. • But, something happened in 1995. A Western mirror was shoved into the face of the Fijian people. Television came to the island. Example from Figi

34. Within 38 months, the number of teens at risk for eating disorders more than doubled to 29 percent. • The number of high school girls who vomited for weight control went up five times to 15 percent. • 74 percent of the Fiji teens in the study said they felt “too big or fat” at least some of the time, and 62 percent said they had dieted in the past month. (Goodman, 1999) • While a direct causal link between television, magazines, advertisements and eating disorders cannot be proven, this is certainly a good argument. • The beautiful starlet does not cause anorexia. • Nor does the pencil thin fashion magazine model cause bulimia. • Nevertheless, you don’t get a much better lab experiment than this. • In just 38 months, a television-free culture that defined a fat person as robust has become a television culture that sees robust as repulsive. Example from Figi cont.

35. Media Statistics • By the time adolescents graduate from high school, they will have spent about 15,000 hours with the media and 12,000 hours in school. • The average 8 – 18 year old in the United States spends almost 6 ½ hours consuming media in a typical day. • Marketing strategies exploit consumer’s tendencies to distort their body images by preying on insecurities and appearance. • 1 out of every 3.8 commercials sends some type of “attractiveness message”.

36. Media Techniques

37. Computer Retouching Katie Couric didn’t ask for this to be done!

38. Computer Retouching • And More: • http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2067474/Back-reality-Computer-program-shows-EXACTLY-images-magazine-photoshopped.html

39. Food Marketing Immersive Advertising Other Media Techniques Co-Branding Product Placement Contests

40. Media Manipulation • Promises of “quick fixes” and “immediate results” • Expensive and extravagant lighting • Body part replacement • Using celebrities to sell a product • Vanity sizing • Propaganda and bombardment • Subliminal messages

41. Changing the Thought Process • We must all love our bodies – no matter what our differences are! • The important focus should be on a healthy body, healthy self-image and a positive attitude! • Your self-worth is not defined by the packaging! • The truest form of tragedy is when others can recognize your gifts, while you cannot. • Attitude rules! It’s confidence that counts. • People with a positive self-image have one thing in common: the ability to leave baggage behind. • They don’t allow insignificant people to determine their self-worth.

42. Focus on the Positive/Celebrate the “Good”

43. The Dove® Campaign for Real Beauty • http://www.dove.us/Social-Mission/campaign-for-real-beauty.aspx

44. Questions, Comments, Thoughts

45. References Brooks, R. (1991). The Self-Esteem Teacher. American Guidance Service.  Carr, Jay. (Boston Globe). Streisand looks in mirror, See a funny girl. The Courier Journal. Louisville, Kentucky. November 17, 1996. Engel, B. (2006, February 24). Working together to create an abuse free future. Retrieved January 31, 2008, from Beverly Engel’s Newsletter. <http://www.beverlyengel.com/newsletter/2-24-2006.htm>. Goodman, E. (May 1999). The Joy of Fat. The Courier Journal. Louisville, Kentucky. Statistics: dosomething.org Studenmund, G. (June 1999). When weight gain is the goal. American Health.

46. Thank You! Dr. Susan R. Rose, Ph.D., NCC susan.rose@ucumberlands.edu www.counselingtoday.com