QUEER RELIGIOUS TRAUMA & GROWTH

1. QUEER RELIGIOUS TRAUMA & GROWTH Lee Beckstead, PhD Leebeckstead.com Sept 28, 2019 Mormons Building Bridges & tanner humanities center

2. What Causes Trauma? • Minority Stress / Structural Oppression • Racism, sexism, faith-ism, heterosexism/homophobia, bisexual erasure/invisibility, transphobia, etc. • Negating and coercive messages and experiences • Deficiency, pathological viewpoints of who you are • No affirmation • 3-5 words to describe being LGBTQ? • Effect on mental health, self-concept, options, coping, actions, relationships, etc.

3. What Causes Trauma? • Attachment wounds • “We learn to see ourselvesfirst in the responses of our caregivers.” Dan Siegel • Caregiver is also source of threat: Biological paradox • body goes toward and away from the same figure • “Fear without solution” Mary Main and Erik Hess • Dissociation, detachment, preoccupation, avoidance • What were the rules of engagement growing up? • Complex trauma • Prolonged, developmental, no resolution

4. Effects of Trauma • Your process of self-determination • Inhibited, postponed, hijacked, distracted, distorted, impaired, etc. • Disconnect from self, others, God • Self-shame; cut off from your feelings, needs, limits • Poor relationships with peers, no community, loneliness • Lose spiritual center, meaning and purpose of life • Psychache: Psychological pain • Rejection by others and by yourself of you

5. Internalize Shame • Copy self-negationand self-neglect • Wish to be heterosexual and cisgender, rather than you • Being SSA/LGBTQ+ is a personal shortcoming  • LGBTQ relationships are inferior to heterosexual ones • It’s best to avoid contact with LGBTQ people  • Negative self-beliefs • I am defective, unlovable, and inferior • I am powerless / no choices • I am unsafe • It’s not okay or safe to be who I am

6. Healing / Growth from Trauma • Need corrective emotional experiences • Safety, Affirmation, & Options • Develop resilience • Individual and community resources • Need proactive skills • Self-awareness / Self-acceptance • Self-compassion • Self-nurture: Needs met: Thrive • Personal positive meaning of life

7. Experience Safety • Safety comes in two ways • Environment makes it safe for you • You make it safe for you • Am I safe now and eternally? • Navigating safety across contexts • Minorities need safe spaces as a recharging station • What do you need from others to be safe? • What do you need from yourself to be safe? • What do we need as a community to make it safer?

8. Proactive Skills • Trauma gets stored separately from adult brain • Triggers / reenactments • Physical sensations, unconscious negative thoughts of self, feelings, coping • Trauma / shame vortex • Mindfulness skills : Prefrontal cortex : Love • Nonjudgmental awareness, curiosity • A here-and-now presence / reality check • Unblend / dual awareness • Connect with yourself and others • Act with more self-direction: Meet your needs

9. Improve Your Response to Rejection / Discrimination • Affirming • Value aspects of yourself that others can’t • Compassion toward self and others (forgiveness) • Separating / Yielding • Not personalize their limits: Let them do them • Focus on nurturing you: Go in your own direction • Nonaggressive resistance • Reject what doesn't fit you; refuse the status quo • Value diversity & equality

10. Reclaim Compassionate Anger • Recognize when you’re harmed, boundary protection • Know your rights • Equality, autonomy, fairness, value diversity, do no harm • Set limits to focus on positive changes in your life • Enmeshed anger: controlling what you can’t control • Examine and reject inappropriate guilt (false accusations) • Push away and refuse what doesn’t fit you • Difference between aggression and passive-aggressiveness • Love without power is ineffective. Power without love is brutal. • Promote social justice

11. Counter Shame & Minority Stress • Turn toward yourself with kindness • Be aware of the impact of self-hatred • Empathy for self • A wound needs a witness IyanlaVanzant • Develop awareness of your boundaries of what is okay for you and what is not • Value your uniqueness & needs • Feel equal and proud • I’m different and I deserve good treatment • Live positively as a minority

12. Counter Shame & Minority Stress • Explore a wide range of options from different sources • Develop your sexual self-knowledge • Develop your gender self-knowledge • Develop personal and social congruence • Promote well-being • Authentic to you and available to you • Informed decision about which life options fit you

13. Find Places to Belong: You Do You • You’re not alone & who you are is valuable • Meet needs for connection, intimacy, mutual understanding • Take your place • Integrate who you are • A collective wisdom and strength can provide you with more skills, resources, and options for growth • Evaluate if people are red, yellow, or green lights

14. Reclaim Your Spirituality / Purpose of Life • Positive religious coping weakens harmful impact of internalized heterosexism on well-being • Spiritual connectedness with oneself and others • Secure relationship with God • Turn to God for spiritual support; God turns to you with love • Quest orientation • What is true for you? What is no longer true for you? What are you currently questioning?