Dating

1. Dating and "The way you make me feel" Marriage

2. Choosing a Partner • Most people pair with someone who… • Lives in the same geographic area • Has a similar ethnic and socioeconomic background • Similar education • Similar lifestyle • Similar level of physical attractiveness

3. First Attraction Looks Dress Social Status Reciprocated Interest The observable characteristics

4. What basic values are important later on?

5. Traditional Dating Rules • Men did the asking • A gentleman always paid • A girl always got picked up • Couples spent real time together • …and a date WAS ONLY A DATE.

6. Dating Today ? ? • Dating today can be a very different game. A date might be an hour at a coffee shop or a weekend trip to the country. Since men and women can be friends without romance, when a member of the opposite sex calls to make plans, it can be hard to tell if it’s even a date at all. ? ? ?

7. The NEW dating Rules • Anyone can ask! • It’s not a date UNTIL it’s OBVIOUSLY a date! • No one knows who will pay! • You could just meet somewhere. • Dates can be very casual, and so can the “good stuff” at the end of the night! SO MUCH IS UP IN THE AIR!

8. Other Dating Trends Today Living Together

9. Living Together • Cohabitation is one of the most rapid and dramatic social changes that has ever occurred in our society. • About 4 million heterosexual couples and an estimate of 1.5 million gay and lesbian couples are currently living together.

10. Living Together • Several factors are involved in this change • Greater acceptance of premarital sex • Tendency for people to wait longer before getting married • Larger pool of people not ready to make the committment and divorced individuals

11. What are some benefits of living together before marriage?

12. Are there any disadvantages of living together before marriage?

13. Other Dating Trends Today Same-Sex Partnerships

14. Same-Sex Partnerships • Regardless of sexual orientation, most people look for love in a close, satisfying, committed relationship. • Tend to be more egalitarian and less organized around traditional gender roles. • Often deal with societal hostility and disapproval from family as well.

15. 10 Things Not to say on a First Date #1 “My Ex is Crazy” If someone even mentions their ex on a first date, watch out, you could be entering into a three-way relationship. Brace yourself, drama ahead!! If you’re not over your ex, keep it to yourself. Your date doesn’t want to hear about it!!

16. “I would like to get married and have kids ASAP” Slow that Roll! Whether you’re a man or woman, uttering those words automatically puts pressure on an already delicate, stressful meeting. It’s a foolproof way to scare someone off and fast!

17. “Who Are You Voting For?” When you are trying to make a good first impression, it’s probably best to avoid emotional topics in order to avoid a sparring match.

18. “Can you pay the check, I’m broke!” Hey, the economy is in the toilet. Of course you’re broke. We’re all broke. But common courtesy dictates that the person who did the date asking offer to pay the bill. Chance are, if your date has good manners, they’ll offer to split it or pay the tip.

19. “What’s your favorite TV show?” C’mon, we do better than that. Asking about hobbies and other interests can lead to great conversation, but the last message you want to convey is that your favorite activity is watching the tube!

20. “Where did you go to School?” Believe it or not, many people didn’t go to college and totally resent being put on the spot with the tired old question. And while plenty of grad are happy to wax on about their “glory years”, it’s probably better to ask something like, “Have you always lived here?” “How did you choose your career?”

21. “Can I Take your Picture?”

22. “So, I just got out of Rehab” Everybody has problems big and small, but the first date is more about showing off your personality, not painting yourself as a psychotic addict! (even if you are!)

23. “So, you wanna come back to my place!” Not everyone is old-fashioned about first dates. The right time to sleep with someone is up to you, but numerous polls, um, around the office show that when a guy propositions a woman for sex on the first date, she tends to get skeeved!

24. The Facts about Marriage

25. In the 1900’s, what was the average age for someone to get married? • Median age at first marriage: Males: 26.9 Females: 25.3 • Median age at first divorce: Males: 30.5Females: 29 18-21 What is the average age today for males? What about females?

26. Facts • About 95% of all Americans marry at some time in their life. • There are many important social, moral, economic and political aspects of marriage. In the past, why did people marry?

27. Marriage Today • People marry more for personal and emotional reasons. • This shift places a greater burden on marriage to fulfill certain expectations that are sometimes unreasonably high.

28. Benefits of Marriage • Steady give and take of intimacy (affection, personal affirmation and sexual fulfillment) • Provides a setting to raise kids. • Having a lifelong companion

29. Issues in Marriage • Love is NOT enough to make a successful marriage. • Couples have to be strong and successful in their relationship before getting married, because relationship problems will be magnified rather than solved by marriage.

30. Tasks Couples Face • Negotiating and establishing marital/domestic roles • Establishing career priorities • Handling finances • Managing boundaries and relationships with extended families • Raising children

31. The best predictors of a happy marriage • The partners have realistic expectations about their relationship • Each feels good about the personality of the other • They have effective ways of resolving conflicts • Agree on religious/ethical values • They have an egalitarian role relationship • Have a good balance of interests

32. The Role of COMMITTMENT • Coping with challenges requires couples to be committed to remaining in the relationship through it’s inevitable ups and downs. • Commitment is based on conscious choice rather than feelings

33. The Facts about Divorce • People marrying today have a 50-55% chance of divorcing. • High rate reflects our high expectations for emotional fulfillment • Also indicates that we no longer believe in the permanence of marriage

34. Reasons for Divorce • Money • Infidelity • Poor Communication • Change in Priorities (kids/ jobs) • Lack of Commitment to the Marriage • Sexual Problems • Addictions • Failed Expectations • Physical, Emotional, or Sexual Abuse

35. The Process of Divorce Emotional Separation: One partner is unhappy and looks beyond the relationship for other forms of validation. May continue long after…. Physical Separation: One partner moves out or away from the other.

36. The Stress of Divorce • Except for the death of a spouse or family member, divorce is the greatest stress producing event in life. • Separation distress and loneliness can be experienced anywhere between 1-3 years. • Negative stress can be balanced later with the exciting possibility of meeting a more suitable partner.

37. 75% of all people who get divorce remarry, often within 5 years.