The Descriptive Essay

1. The Descriptive Essay Tips

2. Problem#1 - Paraphrasing • What is paraphrasing: • A restatement of a text in another form or other words, often to simplify or clarify meaning. • You must paraphrase. You can not copy text word for word. • Ex. Here is the original text: Annie Oakley's life spanned years of tremendous change for American women. By the time of her death in 1926, Americans were celebrating the liberated, urban-focused, modern times of the Jazz Age. Women had won the right to vote, wore less restrictive clothes, and followed a changing ideal that was loosening some of the restrictions on women's roles and behavior that had reigned through the nineteenth century.

3. Incorrect paraphrasing: Annie Oakley’s life spanned years of significant changes for American women. By the time she died in 1926, women had the vote, wore looser clothing, and embraced the freedom from restrictive 19th century roles and behaviors. • (Sounds too much like the original passage. Also the sentence structure is too similar to the original text.)

4. Correct paraphrasing: Sharpshooter, Annie Oakley lived through a period of many liberating changes for women, from the Victorian era through the first quarter of the 20th century. Examples include voting rights for women as well as the freedom to wear comfortable and practical clothing.

5. Let’s look at some facts and try to paraphrase. • Mickey's VoiceWalt Disney, from 1929 to 1946, provided the original voices for both Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Since, only two others have had the honour; Jim MacDonald (1946 to 1983) and Wayne Allwine (1983 +). Walt Disney was the main voice of Mickey Mouse. Jim MacDonald and Wayne Allwine have also voiced Mickey Mouse.

6. 3. What's the Password?During World War II, when the Allied forces invaded Normandy on D-Day in 1944, "Mickey Mouse" was used as a secret password between intelligence officers. Mickey Mouse was the secret password used by the army on D-Day.

7. 4. FearThe irony of Mickey Mouse's creation is that Walt Disney was in fact scared of mice. However, he pictured mice as sympathetic creatures, despite people being scared of them. It is ironic. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

8. 5. Thirty Year WaitDue to commitments with other Disney projects, Walt Disney stopped making Mickey Mouse shorts following The Simple Things in 1953. This would prove to be his last ever Mickey Mouse short, following his death to cancer in 1966. Mickey wouldn't be in a cartoon feature next until 1983 with Mickey's Christmas Carol, some 30 years after his last. Yet, his next proper short wouldn't come until 1995 with Runaway Brain, after an incredible 42 years of waiting. The last Mickey Mouse short made by Walt Disney was “The Simple Things” in 1953. Mr. Disney died in 1966, and a new Mickey Mouse cartoon wasn’t made until 1983.

9. Problem #2 - Unity • You must have unity. • What is unity? • Ideas must be presented in a way so that they add to each other. Otherwise, you essay sounds choppy. • *Your information in paragraph 2 should be introduced a little in paragraph 1.

10. Example Roberto Clemente was a famous baseball player and humanitarian. He was born August 18th, 1934 in Carolina, Puerto Rico. He played 18 seasons in Major League Baseball for the Pittsburgh Pirates. Roberto’s accomplishments came on and off the field. While being a star baseball player, he had to overcome the difficulties of racial tension and in doing so, was an inspiration for all Latin Americans. He was a man who always wanted to help people in need in any way that he could. Roberto Clemente died in a plane crash in 1972 while delivering aid to earthquake victims in Nicaragua. At the beginning of Roberto’s career with the Pittsburgh Pirates, he had experienced lots of racial tension coming from his teammates and from local media. Some newspapers called him a “Puerto Rican Hot Dog,” and others would even make fun of how he talked. Even with all the negativity surrounding him everyday, he continued to stay positive and on many different occasions was noted saying that he didn’t believe in color.Roberto wanted to be remembered as a player who gave all he had to give in every aspect of his life. When a massive earthquake hit Nicaragua, Clemente immediately gathered aid packages and sent three planes to deliver the relief to the people. The packages never arrived! They were stolen by corrupt government officials. Clemente decided to personally deliver a fourth relief flight. The plane crashed immediately after take off and Clemente’s body was never recovered.