Your Reactions to the Editing Assignment ?

1. Your Reactions to the Editing Assignment? • What was hard? • What was easy? • Was it a useful exercise? • Is there a way for me to tailor the assignment to make it more useful? • What did you learn? • Last thoughts…

2. Conciseness and the“Paramedic Method” May 23, 2012 Source for this presentation: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/572/1/

3. Conciseness • Use the most effective words. • Use not necessarily the fewest words, but the strongest ones. • Look for weak or unnecessary words that can be replaced or eliminated. • Interrogate every word in a sentence. • Combine sentences when they seem to convey much of the same material. Like bad employees, words that don't accomplish enough should be fired.

4. Combine Multiple Sentences that Say the Same Thing • Multiple sentences that say the same thing and can be combined/shortened • We have had several hour-long conversations with our TAs who sit in the back of the class, near our bench, to supervise the lab. During long periods of waiting for talking about proteins to incubate or gels to run, we often sit and chat with them. • I’d rephrase to shorten: We’ve had several hour-long conversations with our TAs who sit in the back of the class, near our bench, to supervise the lab, talking about proteins to incubate or gels to run. • Move from general sitting around to specifics of conversation, not losing any information. • Reduce word count (44 to 32 words) and make it easier to understand.

5. Eliminating Words • Eliminate words when they explain the obvious or provide excessive detail. • Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers.

6. Words that OftenCan Be Eliminated • kind of • sort of • type of • really • basically • currently • for all intents and purposes • definitely • actually • generally • individual • specific • particular • needless to say, it goes without saying

7. Omit Redundant Pairs • past memories • various differences • each individual _______ • basic fundamentals • true facts • important essentials • future plans • terrible tragedy • end result • final outcome • free gift • past history • unexpected surprise • sudden crisis

8. Omit Redundant Categories: Eliminate the General Category, Leave the Descriptive Word • large in size • often times • of a bright color • heavy in weight • period in time • round in shape • at an early time • economics field • of cheap quality • honest in character • of an uncertain condition • in a confused state • unusual in nature • extreme in degree • of a strange type

9. Changing Phrases • Change phrases into single words and adjectives. • The department showing the best performance (6 words) vs. • The best-performing department (4 words) • Change unnecessary that, who, which clauses into phrases. • The report, which was released recently, … (6 words) • The recently released report… (4 words) • Change passive to active verbs.

10. Avoid Common Pitfalls • Expletives at beginning of the sentence. • Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb. • It is imperative that we find a solution. • We must find a solution. • Noun forms of verbs. • Unnecessary infinitive phrases. • Wordy: The duty of a clerk is to check all incoming mail and to record it. (15 words) • Concise: A clerk checks and records all incoming mail. (8 words)

11. Avoid Circumlocutions in Favor of Direct Expressions • Circumlocutions: Commonly used, roundabout expressions that take several words to say what could be said more succinctly. • Use "because," "since," "why" instead of… • the reason for • for the reason that • owing/due to the fact that • in light of the fact that • considering the fact that • on the grounds that • this is why • Use "when" instead of… • on the occasion of • in a situation in which • under circumstances in which

12. Use the “Paramedic Method” to Edit Your Writing • It reduces word count by eliminating unnecessary words. • It activates your sentences by eliminating passive voice and redundancies.

13. The 7 Steps of the Paramedic Method of Editing • Circle prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into). • Draw a box around the "is" verb forms. • Ask: "Where's the action?" • Change the "action" into a simple verb. • Move the doer into the subject (who's influencing whom). (Like subject + verb + object.) • Eliminate any unnecessary “slow wind-ups.” • Eliminate redundancies.

14. Example of Paramedic Method

15. Now Let’s Edit These Examples as a Class • The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money. • It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years. • After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.

16. Example Concise Solutions • The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money. • Employees at this company need a better money manager. (Original word count: 26. New word count: 10). • It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years. • In recent years, engineers at Sandia Labs have participated in the Search and Rescue operations. (Original word count: 24. New word count: 16). • After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures. • After reviewing the results of your research, and within the context of the study, we find evidence supporting significant changes in our operating procedures. (Original word count: 36. New word count: 25).