The 3 C’s of Positive Human Interaction: Managing C ommunication, C onflict & C hange

1. The 3 C’s of Positive Human Interaction: Managing Communication, Conflict & Change Molly B. Ames - mba7@cornell.edu Ruth A. Maltz - Ralice@aol.com 1

2. Problem Solving Cycle Define define Control DMAIC* Approach *adapted from Six Sigma Measure Improve Combine alternative generation, decision making and tactical planning Analyze You are Here

3. Attributes of Farm Family Businesses Dynamic integration of the: Family Business Living and working together

4. Good Communication! What makes a good communicator?

5. Tools for Communication • Be positive and respectful • Active listening • Be inclusive • Seek common ground

6. Conflict Issues in Farm Family Business • Differences • Personality/values/goals • Who is in Charge? • Role clarity • Unequal ownership • Purse strings/ management • Family and business compete for resources • A new piece of equipment or a washing machine

7. Many Farms are Family Businesses Conflict beliefs shaped by history If they shout and insist things be done “Their way!” • The result looks like this:

8. Many Farms are Family Businesses continued.. Conflict beliefs shaped by history If they stop talking and withdraw in angry silence • The result looks like this:

9. I to I: Phases in building interpersonal relationships Inclusion Control Integration Who is in and who is out Influence and power exertion Make a whole from the sum of the parts Adapted from the Fundamental Interpersonal Relationship Orientation

10. Conflict People pulling in opposite directions doesn’t have to equal hostility &/or fighting

11. Benefits of Conflict • Signal change is needed • See problem in a new light • Understand another person better • Find new and better ways to do things • Improve a situation • People learn & grow through conflict • Provide energy for change

12. Downside of Conflict continued • Prolonged conflict injures physical & mental health • Diverts time, money & energy from important goals • Can put individual interest over the organization

13. Downside of Conflict continued.. • Intense conflict can result in lies & distortion • Recurrent conflict decreases productivity • Creates distance between people • Brings up old history

14. Workshop Activity Family Dairy Business Case • Mom, Son and 2 daughters run the family business • Recently brother-in-law (BIL) started working as herdsman • BIL is increasingly difficult to work with: • He acts like a “Know It All” • He gets combative, bossy or defensive when criticized • He holds his position over the other employees. “If he wasn’t part of the family he wouldn’t be working in this capacity.” Resigning employee said. “I don’t want to hurt my family but, BIL’s refusal to listen has caused good employees to leave.” the sister’s said • Identify the problem(s) • Steps to improve

15. Conflict Resolution Basics 15 If feelings are strong, schedule a time to talk after a brief cooling off period. Both people need time to focus on the situation without interruptions. Set ground rules - Take turns (one talks- other listens) Stay on ONE TOPIC, Be respectful of each other. 4. Share information in the form of I see, I feel, I think, I want, I need 5. Negotiate creatively for a win-win strategy

16. Types of Negotiation • Competitive • Win – Lose • Competitive • Negotiation • Demand & Claim All • Suspicious & Closed • Tug of War • Mutual Gains • Seek Win - Win • Agreements • Find Mutual Interests • Trusting & Open • Cooperative

17. Change is Part of Life • Businesses can’t survive without change • View change as a loss • Delay decisions • Respond reactively • You need luck to survive For Sale by Owner

18. Change is Part of Life continued.. • View change as an opportunity • Watch for new trends • Respond proactively • Business thrives

19. Another Look at Change

20. What is Resilience? The ability to bounce back and try again when things don’t turn out as we’ve planned

21. Building Resilience We increase our ability to overcome adversity by coping with life’s challenges

22. Building Resilience continued..

23. Building Resiliencecontinued.. • Farmers’ experiences of coping with many crises help them: • develop a sense of personal mastery • have a positive outlook • have a social network of friends and family

24. Ways to Increase Resilience • Make time for yourself • Develop calming method • Recognize pros and cons of the job • Settle for less than perfect • Take care of yourself; set limits • Cultivate a support network • Explore options & be open to new ideas

25. Maintaining Resilience

26. When Do You Need a Mediator? • Large gap between positions • Too many issues • Power imbalance between parties. • Trouble finding common interests. • Need help to consider how the other sees the problem • Need help to find common ground. • Need ideas not previously considered 26

27. Putting 3 Cs Skills to Use At Family/business Meetings • Create organization chart & job descriptions • Take a personality test (True Colors, Personality IQ, etc) • Design a compelling vision • Use planning process to address upcoming change proactively • Share information openly & respectfully

28. Resources • Fisher, R, Ury, W.,& Patton, B.( 1991) Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving in( 2nd Ed.), Penguin Books, and Deetz, S.A., & Stevenson, S.L. (1986) • Heitler,Ph. D., S.M (1990). From Conflict to Resolution, W.W. Norton & Company • Covey, S. (1989) Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, NY: Simon & Schuster • Danes, Sharon M. (1999) Change: Loss, Opportunity and Resilience, University of Minnesota, FO-07421 • Billikoph, G., Conflict Management Skills, UC Berkeley, URL http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/13.htm &http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/13.pdf • Hutt, G., Milligan, R., Kauffman., Claypoole,E,(1988) Managing For Success Work Group, Farm Management Resource Notebook, Pro Dairy & CCE • Managing Conflict, Purdue Univ., URL http://www2.ctic.purdue.edu/KYW/Brochures/ManangConflict.html