The Holiday Season: Ups and Downs

1. The Holiday Season: Ups and Downs Kate Moore

2. Ups and Downs – the Story of Life Are they more so during • Times of change? • Loss? • Celebration? What about at Christmas? Over the summer holidays?

3. What is the Holiday Season for you? • Christ’s Birthday • A celebration • A time of rest and catch up • An economic bonanza for the shops • A time for families and friends • A time to get away – to catch up/

4. What is the Holiday Season for you? • A lonely and/or expensive time • A time of stress • Brings back sad memories • What is it for you?

5. What is the Holiday Season for you? • Perhaps it’s a time for helping others • Being a volunteer / supporter • OR • Perhaps you need support?

6. Why is it like this? • History – always been like this? • OK Not OK Why NOT? Only YOU can answer this

7. Why is it like this? • Circumstances changed? • OK Not OK Why NOT? Control? / Challenge? / Communication ?

8. For you – Not OK Having identified why NOT? Accommodate or Change? How? To what? Stressor

9. So, I don’t like the change…. What DO I want  • Change – always difficult • Requires clear goal • Communication of that goal • Appropriate implementation of the goal • Preparedness to hang in there • Respect for self and others • In setting goals and • during the process  Stressful or Challenge

10. The Two Faces of Stress-Not always negative (Yerkes & Dobson, 1904; Wood et al., 1998) Constructive stress (eustress) • stress that acts in a positive way for the individual, family and/or organisation • Low to moderate levels of stress act in a constructive or energising way Destructive stress (distress) • stress that acts in a dysfunctional way for the individual, family and/or the organisation Which will it be for you?

11. Cognitions, Coping & Control • It is NOT the event but how we THINK about it that causes us the problem • Identify your thoughts • Challenge these • Change them!!!!!

12. Costs of Bad Cognitions Depression Anxiety and Stress • Physical factors • Increased risk of CVD • Raised BP, CHD, stroke • Unhealthy feelings - aches, pains, upset stomach • Restlessness, inability to concentrate, sleeplessness • Increased risk of accidents

13. Costs of Bad Stress(cont’d) • Psychological factors • Tense, uptight, feelings of nervousness, irritability • Loss of motivation • Burnout • emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, lowered personal accomplishment • Depression, anxiety • Pre-existing psychological disorders exacerbated • Any others?

14. Costs of Bad Stress(cont’d) • Behavioural factors • Change in eating habits • Increase of risky behaviours (e.g., alcohol, smoking, drug taking) • Increases in workplace conflict (e.g., aggression, harassment)

15. Impact of Bad Stress • Physical and mental health • anxiety/sleep/appetite/CHD/ulcers • concentration/ruminations • angry/cranky/irritable • cynicism • Cognitions • castrophizing • black & white thinking • Relationships • communication problems • aggression • lack of engagement • Job/course satisfaction & performance • Absenteeism & loss of productivity • Drop out/Quit/Withdraw • and you ………………………………………..?

16. What am I doing about it? • Identify the stressor • Decide why it is a stressor for me • Change my way of thinking about it • Ask the other person(s) to • change their approach • change the system • work with me to finish / alter the problem • Remain focused on the issue NOT the person • Ask: Is this issue worth the cost to me/others • Yes - see it as a challenge/goal not a demand or stressor

17. Ideas around Christmas shopping 1)plan and shop with a list 2) try making gifts/food 3) set a limit on the cost of presents and meals 4) leave your credit card at home when browsing for presents 5) pool cost of presents / meals by one person : one present and bring a plate 6) watch last minute spending

18. Ideas before Christmas Day • try to have a rest day before Christmas 2) reduce your expectations about a "perfect " Christmas day 3) organise parenting issues for the day well before so children OK 4) try and sort out relationship issues before Christmas Day 5) be flexible re changes to previous years' arrangements to suit family and friends 6) be aware of issues which might arise – try to anticipate/handle

19. Ideas for Christmas Day 1) share responsibility for the meal with all family not just the women 2) watch alcohol intake - sometimes regret what was said 3) do not bring up previous quarrels 4) do not be too hard on yourself if everyone does not behaviour how you hoped. 5) a cold lunch may reduce the stressors of cooking - family can come at various times 6) have your meal in the evening so f&f can visit others during the day 7) try and work out some positive thing about Aunt Maud rather than focus on the negative 8) visit someone who may be lonely or ask them to a meal 9) think about the real meaning of Christmas for you

20. In general • Remember some things are not worth making a fuss about • Avoid digging up the past • Christmas may not be the best time to confront or expose problems • Be assertive about what you want, but not aggressive • Plan activities - make sure you feel OK about this - If you feel you have been dragged along you are more likely to be resentful • Christmas is a time to look for the best in family and friends - Look and speak to the very best in them

21. Coping Appraisal Challenge Managing Demands Resources Avoidance

22. Benefits of Good Management (Good Stress) • Improved mood • Better health • Good social networks • Improved sense of control • Knowing my priorities • Happier, more relaxed • Nicer person to be with!! • Fun!!! • Striving – having goals – and Happier Holidays

23. General Tips that I can do today? • Confront a long-overdue job • Ask for help - offer my help • Accept support from others • Examine demands upon you - Say Yes : Say NO • Be decisive • Count the positives not the negatives • Take time out - meaningful leisure • Think positively but realistically • Eat well, relax, exercise sleep enough, smoke & drink less • Change my way of thinking - evaluate importance • Remain focused on the issue NOT the person :) Hug a friend

24. Positive approach - dealing with the problem the Hardy personality? Mastery over stress Using stressors (not stress) to achieve What about the 6 C’s to equal the 7th C Control Challenge Commitment taking CHARGE Cognitions Commitment Choice

26. It’s up to me!I can change my thoughts, behaviour, actions Communicate - with myself- with family and others- with the organisationCampaign to change the problemrather than complain about the problemChoose to change not avoidI can Well! Most of the time anyway

27. Let’s all take up the ChallengeAppraise what we currently do / do not doUse our resources - AND – share Stop AvoidingWe are responsible for ourselves(and our Christmas/Holidays)

28. It’s about…. Balance ………. in your life in your negotiations compromise Selfish Vs Unselfish – in self and others

29. Thank you for listening Just remember – Santa relieves his stress by an Ho! Ho! Ho! Laughter really is good

30. Happy Holidays and Good Health