Constructive Conflict

1. Constructive Conflict • Constructive Conflict

2. Our lives and everything we do are to • demonstrate the blessing that God has • brought to our lives and to our families • Genesis 12:1-3

3. "Therefore, let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ" • Acts 2:36

4. Philippians 2:12 • Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling

6. 1 John 4:12 • No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

7. Romans 12:18 • If it is possible, as far as it depends • on you, live at peace with everyone

8. Where Does Conflict Come From? • Constructive Conflict

9. Conflict results from real or perceived opposition to one’s... • 1. • Values • 2. • Actions • 3. • Desires / Interests • Colette L. Meehan • Constructive Conflict

10. 1. Values: The priorities that are in my life • Familia • Integrity • Money • My Values • God • Work • Constructive Conflict

11. Example: Conflictive Values • Today is Sunday. I want to attend church. It is important that we are in the church as a family, so that we may grow spiritually • Constructive Conflict

12. Example: Conflictive Values • Today is Sunday. I want to sleep. I've worked all week and I want to rest for a single day. I want to attend the church ... when it is convenient. • Conflictos Constructivos

13. Example: Conflictive Values • Conflict • Church • Rest • The Value: • Constructive Conflicts

14. 2. Actions: The way I live my life with others • I am driving and this man decides to turn to the left into my lane, without looking first. I blow my horn to worn him and now he wants to say that it was my fault! • Constructive Conflict

15. 3. Desires and General Interests:

16. My Perception of Conflict

17. Two Ways To See Conflict • Destructive • Constructive

18. Destructive Conflict • Constructive Conflict

19. Destructive Conflict • The destructive conflict occurs when the actions, the values or the behavior of two or more people result in an increase in antagonism, rather than seeking a mutually agreeable solution of the conflict. • It is Pure Reaction. • Conflictos Constructivos

20. Destructive Conflict • The Destructive Cycle • Disagreement • Conflict • Consequences • Confrontation • Constructive Conflict

21. Conflict of Values • We can’t spend this money • We should spend this money • There is a recommendation that the worship pastor has been given to us. He wants to buy a new piano and is going to cost " $X. .."

22. Downward Spiral • Constructive Conflict

23. Downward Spiral • 1. Disagreement • Is it good for us to spend the money or not • 2. Competition • Constructive Conflict

24. Downward Spiral • I know others are in agreement with me. We have to win. • I will not let him win. • I am right. • This is personal. • Constructive Conflict

25. Downward Spiral • 1. Disagreement • 2. Competition • 3. Destruction • Constructive Conflict

26. Downward Spiral • He always causes problems. It would be better if he was not part of this team! • I will win and destroy his reputation. It is better that nobody listens to him! • Constructive Conflict

27. Downward Spiral • 1. Disagreement • 2. Competition • 3. Destruction • 4. Adjustment • Constructive Conflict

28. Downward Spiral • If he stays in this church I am leaving. • If he stays in the church I am leaving. • Constructive Conflict

29. Destructive Conflict • 2 Carnal responses to conflict that lead us to Destructive Conflict • Flee • Fight • Constructive Conflict

30. 2 Types of Fleeing • Maybe it will go away • Pacifist • Avoider • It is all good, no problem here. • ¿Conflict...? What conflict? • Conflict is bad. • I am willing to lie to avoid conflict. • It is better to ignore it. • It will all take care of itself. • I would rather diminish sin • than confront it.

31. Hey! You stepped on me! • 2 Types of Fight • Defender • Attacker • Look at these teeth! Are you sure you want to fight me? • The most important thing is to not change my position. • The way to solve conflict is win. • I don’t care who you are, I am not going to change. • If I hurt you it is part of the process, not my fault! • It is all about power. • I will justify my way to victory.

32. Destructive Conflict • 2 Men...2 Sinful Reactions to Conflicto 2 Samuel 13-15

33. Constructive Conflict • Constructive Conflict

34. Constructive Conflict • The constructive conflict refers to the conflict where the benefits outweigh the costs; they generate productive decisions, and are mutually beneficial. • Colette L. Meehan • Constructive Conflict

36. Constructive Conflict • The Constructive Cycle • Disagreement • -Opposition to a value • -Emotions Grow • -40% The person 60% The problem • Conflictos Constructivos

37. Constructive Conflict • The Constructive Cycle • Disagreement • -Clarify • Solution • -Permit • -Active Listening • Constructive Conflict

38. James 1:19-20 • Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

39. Constructive Conflict • The Constructive Cycle • Disagreement • -The relationship is built up. • Solution • -Grace and Mercy • -They move forward together • Edification • Constructive Conflict

40. Philippians 2:3-4 • Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

41. Constructive Conflict • The Constructive Cycle • Disagreement • -Adjustment reflects restoration. • Solution • Adjustment • -Grace y Mercy • -The go forward together. • Edification • Constructive Conflict

42. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 • See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.

43. With Constructive Conflicts the process is just as importan as the result. • Cameron Woolford

44. With out conflict we don’t have change or growth • Cameron Woolford

45. The conflict does not divide the churches ... however, the mishandling of the conflict is very destructive. Handled well, the conflic will mature us as we put into practice His divine love. Handled poorly, our selfishness will grow and kill Christian unity. • Dave Graef

46. 3 Key abilities to Produce Constructive Conflict • 1. Clarify: Make sure that every one understands all points of view and differences (OICA). • 2. Permit: Make sure that each one feels that their views and values are valid. • 3. Active Listening: Understand the meaning behind the words. • Constructive Conflict

47. 1. Clarify • The O.I.C.A. Method • I have not seen you before 9:30 this morning. • O = Observation • I = Interpretation • C= Clarification • A = Accusation • Constructive Conflict

48. 1. Clarify • The O.I.C.A. Method • I am tempted to think you have not been very punctual lately. • O = Observation • I = Interpretation • C= Clarification • A = Accusation • Constructive Conflict

49. 1. Clarify • The O.I.C.A. Method • There is another explanation. I am part of the finance committee and we have had meetings every morning this week • Is there anything that I do not understand? Perhaps there is another explanation. • O = Observation • I = Interpretation • C= Clarification • A = Accusation • Constructive Conflict

50. 1. Clarify • The O.I.C.A. Method • Therefore, you haven't been very timely. Let me clarify. You have to arrive at 9:00am every day without exception, is that ok? • Uh... mmm... well, ... There has been a lot of traffic this week ... and ... my watch is broken ... • ¿Hay algo que yo no entiendo? Tal vez hay otra explicación. • O = Observation • I = Interpretation • C= Clarification • A = Accusation • Constructive Conflict