Definition of Elaboration

1. Definition of Elaboration • Elaboration means . . . • To tell the reader more and answer the reader’s questions using • Specific words • Onion-like layering of vivid sensory details (related to sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) • Specific strategies, for example: being specific, and using anecdotes, definitions, examples, descriptions, quotations, statistics, facts, etc.

2. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. My sister has many wonderful qualities. What wonderful qualities does she have?

3. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. • My sister has many wonderful qualities. For example, she’s patient, compassionate, curious, intelligent, helpful, athletic, caring, passionate, and funny. What are some things she does (or that she has done) that demonstrate these traits? How do you know she has these traits? What are some actions she has done or that she does that SHOW she has these traits?

4. Elaboration answers questions for the reader. • My sister volunteers with Habitat for Humanity building houses for low-income people who otherwise could not afford to have houses. Once, I went with her to a build site to help out, too, and she was joking with the other volunteers, making everyone laugh. At one point, another volunteer couldn’t figure out how to move a large section of dry-wall through a narrow space and she looked at the problem for awhile, patiently examining all aspects of the situation, and eventually figured out a way to do it using math.

5. What does elaboration look like? • ANECDOTES– An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like . . . Once when I was in middle school, my mom had to … Hey, I remember the time when my best friend and I …

6. Develop your point with an anecdote. My uncle coached my Little League team, and he taught me to persevere through difficulties and to strive to maintain a positive attitude. I remember one time when we were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then he said, “Time to rally! You’ve done it before and you can do it again now. You know this. Dig deep. Now get out there and turn this game around!”

7. What does elaboration look like? • EXAMPLES – provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like . . . My friend has a lot of interests and does a lot of activities: playing guitar, writing poetry/song lyrics, swimming, running track, building and modding his own computers … My brother always used to pick on me. For instance, he would hide my soccer shoes before a game and pretend he didn’t know where they were … My dad is an avid hiker. For example, one summer we hiked up along Mount Baker, Rattlesnake Ridge, and Mount Si …

8. Develop your point with an example. My friend enjoys playing golf because she is independent and very spur-of-the-moment, and she can go out and play a round of golf whenever she wants, unlike with sports that require teams in order to play them. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play.With everybody having such busy schedules, it’s not exactly easy to get ten friends to go play a game of football, soccer, or volleyball together at a moment’s notice.

9. What does elaboration look like? • QUOTATIONS– words someone says that can help support your idea or argument. My dad once told me: “I live my life by one simple rule: I try never to do anything I’d feel ashamed to have someone else find out I had done. And I’m not talking about, like, nose-picking or farting, but, you know, like doing something morally wrong.”

10. What does elaboration look like? • DESCRIPTIONS– ways to create vivid images for the reader. My brother might not be the best at everything he tries, but he does do everything with such enthusiasm. When he was learning to skate-board, I watched him get the board up on to a sloping metal hand rail for about a half-second before the board tilted to one side and he flew through the air with all the grace of a penguin doing so and came crashing down on to the pavement at the bottom of the steps with his arms splayed out and his palms hitting first. He scraped up his palms and hurt his knees and elbows somewhat despite the pads he wore (thankfully he was also wearing a helmet, sparing his head and face from anything more than minor bruising and scratches). The board clattered down the stairwell and skidded to a stop, upside-down. Immediately he got up from the ground, dusted himself off a bit, checked to make sure nothing was actually broken, grinned impishly, and said, “Well, I’d better try that again!” and retrieved his skateboard to give it another go. Through many such spectacular fails, he did eventually get better. He’s still no Tony Hawk, but he definitely improved, and what he still lacks in skill, he makes up for with gusto.

11. Develop your point with description. My cousin walked across the well-manicured green expanse of the cemetery. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her. Their long green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out. She paused in front of our grandfather’s square marble headstone.

12. Show rather than tell • Telling: My older brother’s room was a mess, as usual. • Showing: A rumpled bedspread, piled up clothes, and a jumbled dresser greeted me as I pushed my way into the room, the door grudgingly opening against the mess piled up behind it. The stench of sweaty old gym socks and stale pizza crusts assaulted my nostrils.

13. Definition of Telling and Showing • Telling is the use of broad generalizations. • Showing is the use of facts, statistics, examples, anecdotes, vivid sensory details, quotations/dialogue, and so on, to develop, persuade, explain, or enliven a story. It “paints a picture” with words, or better yet, helps the reader see a “movie” playing in his or her mind.

14. Telling vs. Showing Rows of tangerines, crisp red apples, long purple eggplants, and succulent strawberries invite shoppers to visit my aunt and uncle’s fruits and vegetables stand at the Farmers’ Market. Watermelons larger than basketballs jostle for position with cantaloupes. The dried leaves of the ears of corn rustle as shoppers pick them up and examine them, looking for just the right ones. The potatoes look rough and dirty, and smell of the soil in which they grew, but once rinsed and scrubbed, they’ll be perfect. The carrots still have their stems on, and they are not just orange, but also yellow and purple. There are several varieties of cauliflower, including purple, yellow, and orange. The Romanesco cauliflowers particularly shock people with their intense green color and strange, almost alien shapes. My aunt and uncle own an organic farm; sometimes I visit them at their fruit and vegetable stand in the Farmers’ Market.

15. Be specific. • Your word choices do not have to be • big words • fancy words • words from a thesaurus (although those can help improve word choice) • Remember, to elaborate powerfully and effectively, you need to be SPECIFIC. • Use concrete, specific details.

16. Elaboration within a Sentence • Sentences can be expanded by adding elaboration. • Sentences can be combined to provide elaboration. TELL MEMORE . . .

17. Appositives Add information to a single sentence.

18. Appositives • An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that follows another noun or pronoun that renames it or adds information. • An appositive is usually set apart from the sentence by commas. My friend Joel made the goal. Add an appositive and it becomes: My friend Joel, the star of the team, made the goal.

19. Appositives answer the reader’s questions. Mom---my friend Natalya is coming over tonight. Who is Natalya? My friend Natalya, the girl who sits beside me in band, is coming over tonight.

20. Some Samples • My dad, the expert chef,cooks wonderful dinners for us. • Lisa, my best friend since first grade, likes to rope me into her crazy adventures. • My brother’s car, an ancient jalopy he bought when he saw it parked on a hill with “$300” soaped on its windshield,is a piece of junk, but I still appreciate when he lets me practice driving (around empty parking lots) in it.

21. Combine sentences to form an appositive. We can combine the two following sentences into one power-packed sentence and delete unnecessary words. • My friend John plays basketball for the Glacier Peak Grizzlies. • He is a senior and the point guard for his team. My friend John, the senior point guard, plays basketball for the Glacier Peak Grizzlies.

22. Prepositional Phrases • A prepositional phrase adds information and elaboration by answering questions a reader may have. • Prepositional phrases are often used to answer questions about position, place, location, or time. (examples of prepositions - by, of, for, on, in, to, under, with, through, beside, before, after, during…)

23. Prepositional phrases add elaboration Example • My friend Susie, a senior at Glacier Peak, runs the concession stand. • My friend Susie, a senior at Glacier Peak, runs the concession stand for every basketball game this year to raise money for school sports and activities. When does Susie run the concession stand? Why does she run it?

24. Layering Elaboration A thoughtful writer layers one sentence after another. Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought . . . like rings around a bull’s-eye.

25. Every sentence and detail fits with the rest of the topic . . . like a set of nesting dolls.

26. Listing vs. Layering • Don’t add boring, list-like sentences just to make the paragraph longer. • REMEMBER – length doesn’t always mean quality elaboration. THIS IS LISTING My sister has lots of interests. She likes to play tennis. She enjoys learning to code and making web pages. She likes learning about science. She enjoys playing video games. She is currently helping our dad restore a ’57 Chevy.

27. Layering sounds like TOPIC My sister has many talents and interests. Her interest in science and computers has led her to using free online resources to teach herself how to code. She’s already made a number of personal web pages just for fun, including her blog. She blogs about her experiences learning to code and build web pages, but also about the scientific breakthroughs she finds fascinating and exciting, and about her favorite video games. She often plays war simulation games (like Call of Duty, Modern Warfare, and the like) with our dad, enjoying it a little too much when she kills his character a bunch of times in a row. But those two are not always being competitive with each other. Sometimes they play cooperatively where they’re on the same team. They cooperate in real life when they work together on restoring a classic 1957 Chevy my dad got a couple of years ago. They’ll go into the garage and work on it as they talk for hours. And our dad--and our mom--get to as many of her tennis games as possible to cheer her on, just as they have always shown up to as many of my lacrosse games as they could to cheer me on. I have no interest in video games or restoring cars, but she’s been teaching me to code and build web pages, too, and I appreciate her taking the time to do that, and I do read her blog, too. I also think science is quite interesting, and I enjoy reading her posts about new breakthroughs, discoveries, and inventions that are changing our world and our lives.

28. Another layering example TOPIC My sister influenced me when she invited me along on a ski trip she was taking and I decided to start skiing, too; at first it was mainly just based on my wanting to be as good at it as she was because we’re both very competitive with each other, but now I ski just because I enjoy it. Although at this point, I have to say, I am almost as good as she is. Skiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush like no other. What appears like a peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50-mile-per-hour feel of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in and out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind chill of minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait to get to the bottom of the run and do it again. I wouldn’t know the exhilarating joy of skiing if my sister hadn’t invited me to go along with her on that trip three years ago.

29. Remember … layering looks like • Sentences thoughtfully placed with the one main topic threaded through them . . . purposely explaining with the needs of the audience in mind.