Salt and Light Leaders’ Conference

1. Salt and Light Leaders’ Conference Session 2 Leading in Chaos and Complexity

2. Chaos and Complexity In an increasingly complex world with an onslaught of information at every turn, how do we lead communities in a coherent way that maintains quality of relationship and clarity of purpose?

3. Chaos&Complexity Adapted from Ralph Stacey Anarchy Far from agreement Politics Focus on Relationships Chaos Unpredictability Multiple agendas Constant disruption Unanswerable questions Get on with it Focus On Vision Close to agreement Unproductive Conceptualising Rules & Procedures Close to certainty Far from certainty

4. Chaos&Complexity Adapted from Ralph Stacey Anarchy Far from agreement Politics Focus on Relationships Shared commitment Paradox Complex communication Allow emergence New learning Get on with it Focus On Vision Close to agreement Unproductive Conceptualising Rules & Procedures Close to certainty Far from certainty

5. Paradox Two apparently conflicting truths about the same situation.

6. Meta-Programmes Away From Towards Necessity Possibility Self Others Similarities Differences In Time Through Time Detail Big Picture

7. Common Church Paradoxes Responsibility/Impact on others Experiment in ministry Honouring heritage Breaking down traditions Discretion/Sensitivity Transparency Cultural Empathy Standing apart Release and empowerment Cover and accountability

8. Paradox • Think of an area in the church where there • appears to be a conflict. • Describe both sides of the argument equally • to the rest of the group. What is the paradox • in that situation? • How could church benefit if more • people were invited to engage with both • sides of the paradox?

9. Living with Change • Change is a fundamental part of life • We can only get with the script • We resist engaging with change meaningfully because we don’t like pain • We need to honour our emotions, but it’s our commitment that can steer us through change, not our emotions

10. Living with Change Disruption/ Interruption New Order New Relationship Disorder/ Personal Chaos

11. Salt and Light Leaders’ Conference Session 3 Being true: Commitment and Uncommitted Behaviour Leading out of the unique expression of who God made us to be is the most effective way to bear fruit and live well. But that is easier said than done when faced with an increasing number of demands from all sorts of angles. How can we ‘live long and prosper!’ in our leadership roles?

12. Commitment Who I am as a contribution to this world

13. Commitment ‘God calls each one of us to be what we are, to allow our lives to unfold according to our intrinsic nature, to become what God knows us to be’. (Norvene Vest : A Benedictine Spirituality of Work)

14. Commitment ‘A call from God is not a call to do something. It is to be a faithful partner and friend and from that identity, vocation naturally emerges. We do what we are’.

15. Commitment ‘Poiemia’ For we are God’s workmanship… Ephesians 2 v 10

16. Commitment ‘We have a deep, often unspoken sense that we have been created for special purpose, that we have a serious and holy calling to be expressed through active engagement with the world’.

17. Commitment ‘Each one of us has an essential role to play in the divine plan and we have a longing for the reality of this in our hearts, leaving us restless and unsatisfied until we begin to live in fidelity to it’. ‘We must listen for our own ‘deep gladness’

18. Commitment ‘We are meant to be attentive to our own distinctiveness so that we can allow the unfolding of our souls in the service of God…

19. Commitment Enthusiasm means ‘filled with God’ Greek: ‘en’ meaning ‘in’ and ‘theos’ meaning God.

20. Commitment God is far more interested in who you’re becoming than in who you’ve been…

21. Commitment • Spend ten minutes on your own writing down aspects of yourself that provide glimpses into who God has made you to be as a contribution to this world. • Clues are: what you love to do and what you’re enthusiastic about. • Then find a partner and share with each other about who God has committed you to be.

22. Commitment • What did you notice about the other person as they shared? • What did you notice about how you listened? • What did you notice about how you were listened to?

23. Uncommitted Behaviour When the teddy leaves the pram!

24. Uncommitted Behaviour Being Right and Making Others WrongDominating and Avoiding DominationShedding ResponsibilityCreating a Context to Justify our Negative Behaviour

25. Uncommitted Behaviour Uncommitted behaviour means:We relinquish our commitmentIt achieves nothing positive in the long termIt has long term negative consequences:relationships, productivity, health, self-expression and fulfillment

26. Uncommitted Behaviour How do we deal with uncommitted behaviour? We need to make sure we are making choices consistent with who we are in God. We need to get back to our commitment, rather than stay in our emotions.

27. Uncommitted Behaviour • Think of a change or initiative that someone has tried to introduce in the church or at work where you have shown uncommitted behaviour.What were you trying to achieve that was positive for you? • What would have been a better expression of that? • Is there an expression of uncommitted behaviour that is a habit for you?

28. Salt and Light Leaders’ Conference Session 4 Learning to Love The greatest commandment, Jesus said, was to love……first God, and secondly, my neighbour. How can we keep love as the focus and motivating force in our leadership?

29. Listening • Listening is the number one leadership skill • Hearing is not listening • We don’t listen, we reload • Listening allows relationship • How you listen affects how the other person

30. Listening ‘Listening is the beginning of love. There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is impatient, inattentive listening that despises the person and is only waiting for a chance to speak’. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

31. Listening ‘Holding one’s tongue means we allow people to exist in their freedom. God did not make this person as I have made him. He is not for me to dominate and control. I can never know before hand how God’s image should appear in others. That image always manifests a completely new and unique form. The diverse individuals are cause for rejoicing in one another and serving’. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

32. ‘The deepest need of the human soul is to be heard…’

33. Listening • To evaluate – coach or critic? • For use – apprentice or mercenary? • With efficiency – steward or miser? • To relate – • heart or mask?

34. Listening Exercise • Think about a time when you were listened to negatively …describe how you felt. • Think about a time when you were listened to well. What was that like? • Think about your habitual form of listening…how do you affect the other person? • How could using the other forms of listening improve your relationships?

35. Discussion ‘to shake apart’ • Offloading opinions • Analysis • Repeating one’s view • Being defensive • Competitive • From a fixed position

36. Dialogue ‘flow of meaning’ • Developing shared meaning • Active listening • Enquiring • Respecting • Being curious • Coming from an open perspective

37. Dialogue Listening Respecting Suspending Voicing ‘Men are disturbed not by things that happen… but by their opinion of things that happen.’ ‘A conversation has a centre and not sides’

38. Dialogue Guidelines • Be attentive – listen well • Be honest • Be present – no trancing out • Deliver what you want to say • No dominating • No withdrawing • Be humble • Be curious • Remember you bring your whole self • Remember you don’t have the whole picture

39. On the Terraces • Gossip • Explanations • Excuses • Whining • Stories • Commentary

40. Committed Language: On the Pitch • Request • Offer • Two Committed People • Action • Time of delivery

42. Principle of Positive Intention Think of someone’s recent negative behaviour that you reacted to… What were they trying to achieve that was positive for them? What’s changed in how you feel towards them?

43. Perception

44. Perception E X P E R I E N C E Reality: • People • Environment • Conversations • Events • Feedback Deletions Generalisations Distortions

45. Perception • We need filters: deletions and distortions • Then we form generalisations: beliefs • Beliefs form our map of the world… • But the map is not the territory • We only look for information that confirms our map

46. Perception Exercise • What do you believe about the community/team you work in/with that is positive? • What do you believe about it that is negative? • What did you delete or distort that may have kept you in these negative beliefs? • How do these beliefs prevent you from being who you could be for the community/team?

47. Summary • Leading in Chaos – disagreement and uncertainty • Key elements of organisation - vision and relationships • Shared commitment, holding up the paradox, promoting dialogue, allowing emergence of creative solutions needed to lead in the messy place • Understanding change – honouring emotions

48. Summary • Commitment – who God committed me to be for this world; who I am becoming • Uncommitted behaviour • Listening – no. 1 leadership skill • Distinctions between discussion and dialogue • Committed Language – when decision is made • Principle of Positive Intention • Perception without love…