Get your Ex back and change their feelings about you!

1. Your One Shot at Getting Back with your Ex If you had something beautiful going with your ex… And you know you could be great together… Then it’s worth taking one more shot at rekindling the romance with him. Because an emotional connection like that doesn’t happen every day. It’s worth fighting for. If you want to skip ahead to see what some people are calling the “one last shot formula,” crafted by relationship expert, James Bauer, then click here. Otherwise, hang tight and I’ll explain how this works. Pause for just a minute to answer this question. What’s the one obstacle to getting back together with your ex? What’s the one thing getting in the way? If you’re like most women James has consulted with, your answer would go something like this: “The biggest obstacle is getting past his emotional walls.” You see, the problem isn’t making him love you again. Your history together proves there’s already enough chemistry. Nope. That’s not the problem. Here’s the real problem. He won’t consider it in the first place. He closed his mind to the possibility. And in many cases, he won’t even contact you.

2. I guess what it boils down to is this. He has already decided not to give you a chance. That’s the barrier. That’s the emotional wall you’re up against. But what if I told you it’s not so much of a wall as it is the illusion of a wall? What if it’s a barrier you can move past whenever you want once you know the secret? That would change things, wouldn’t it? Earlier, we said the biggest problem is that he’s already decided not to give you a chance. The key word there is “decided.” But here’s the weird thing about the way humans make decisions. We don’t start with a decision. Decisions are just the end result. Decisions are just the output of a different kind of mental calculation. Decisions come after the equals sign. That’s why you can almost never change someone’s mind by going after the decision directly. Think back to the last time you saw a person trying to change someone else’s mind. If they focused on attacking the decision itself, they almost certainly failed to change the other person’s mind. Now let me show you the solution to that problem. Decisions can change in the blink of an eye. They are not static. They are dynamic, changing continuously as new input updates his mental simulation of the future. Scientists have recently discovered something interesting about us humans. When relaxed, our minds drift to the future. We sometimes contemplate the past. We sometimes focus on the present. But 80% of the time our mind is imagining the future.

3. Predicting the future is something we do on autopilot. And that’s where you’ll find an opening to take one last shot at rekindling the romance with the guy who has shut you out. We make complex mental simulations of the future. And we do it almost continuously. If you’re not consciously focusing on something, there’s a good chance your mind is picturing your future to predict which paths will lead you to happiness and fulfillment. Here’s why this is good news for getting your ex back. You can change what a guy feels when he pictures you in his life again. James Bauer calls it the movie trailer method. Basically, it’s a step-by-step set of instructions for tinkering with the “movie trailer” that plays in his head anytime he sees your name pop up on his phone, or your picture in his Facebook feed, or your car in the parking lot. If you start small, you can change the dominant emotions he associates with you. You can become someone he imagines himself with. In his imagination, he’s no longer resolving old arguments with you, but exploring a whole new relationship with you instead. So how do you do it? How do you tinker with the movie trailer playing in someone else’s head? That’s the topic James explores in detail, starting with the very first text message, and ending with advanced techniques. But for the purposes of this article, we’ll zero in on just one cool idea. Ready? Okay, here it is... Taking your one last shot comes down to choosing the right target. Don’t set your sights on fixing the relationship, or changing his mind, or “giving things another try.”

4. Instead, notice the opportunities to change the primary emotions that color his imagination whenever he thinks of you. You’d be amazed at the difference this can make it. Because the truth is, emotions run the show. The biggest mistake people make is spending their energy on things that reawaken his reasons for pulling away. Little reminders of things that went wrong when you were together. Don’t make that mistake. Instead, put every ounce of your attention on just one thing. The primary emotion he feels each time gets a text message from you, sees you on the street, or hears your voice on the phone. Because if you can change the emotions he associates with you, the mental pictures playing in his head will start to change all on their own. Do that, and you will amaze yourself. You’ll move mountains. His little emotional walls won’t stand a chance. P.S. Another thing about human nature is that we’re better at following through when we have a step-by-step guide. If you’d like to get your hands on a step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you, click here to see the full explanation from James. Convincing Your Ex Versus Triggering Feelings When you’ve shared a special connection with someone, it’s hard to let it go.

5. Especially when you know there’s still a lot of potential if he would just open his heart again. You could build a beautiful life together. If that’s something you want, then it’s only natural you would try to convince him that he should give the relationship another shot. After all, convincing him feels like the right thing to do. Why would you not try to reason with him? Why wouldn’t you try to show him he’s making a mistake by pulling away? Yet this is one of those times in life when our instincts lead us awry. Because convincing your ex never works. Fortunately, I know something that does. Triggering feelings. (By the way, if you’d like laser-targeted advice about getting your ex to talk to you again, check out my Relationship Rewrite Method here). Here’s the thing, triggering feelings will always trump logical argument. Why? Because emotions run the show. We humans are not as rational as we’d like to believe. That’s true of all forms of decision-making, but especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Emotion. It’s your best shot at winning him back. I care about all my clients. But I have to be honest, sometimes a client’s story tugs at my heart and it gets personal for me. That was the case with Leah, a mother of five, the oldest of whom was born when she and the father were both seventeen, just high school sweethearts.

6. I’ll admit there was a judgmental part of me that thought Leah and Joel had been incredibly irresponsible to start having children while they were still children themselves. But I soon forgot all about that as I learned of the beautiful family they had created together, only to be torn apart by a short series of missteps and what I’ll call “almost-infidelity.” First by one, and then (in reaction) by the other. Leah sought out my professional services first. Joel had moved out three months earlier. Joel joined us a few sessions later. He was complacent with me and defiant with Leah. He had his mind made up. The hurt was just too great. But he claimed it was because Leah was “crazy.” Leah, on the other hand, was not ready to let go of what they shared. She had fire in her eyes every time she spoke directly to Joel in our sessions, demanding that he stop living the life of a bachelor, pursuing other women while her life began to look more and more like that of a single mother, just struggling to get by. And this is where things get complicated for me. It was hard for me to maintain professional objectivity. You see, I wanted to convince Joel as well. I wanted to jump in with Leah and fight for this little family to survive. Fortunately, I knew better. So I privately began to teach Leah the techniques I’m going to share with you today. Let me show you the difference between convincing your ex versus triggering the right kind of feelings. [CONTINUE READING] The easiest way for me to illustrate the difference between convincing your ex and triggering feelings is to offer you a simple list of do’s and don’ts. So let’s get right to it.

7. Don’t Do This: Don’t argue that he owes you an explanation since you know he still has feelings for you. Don’t tell him the relationship was going just fine and then try to get him to own his share of the blame for why things began to fall apart. Don’t imply he owes you something after all you’ve been through together. Don’t tell him real relationships take work and he needs to grow up. Don’t try to prove you shared something special by forcing him to acknowledge specific examples from your past. All that telling, convincing, and arguing will get you nowhere. In fact, it will simply reinforce the painful emotions that are driving him away from you in the first place. Why? Because his brain will automatically come up with counter arguments. For example, if you tell him things were great in the past, he will immediately test the truth of that assertion by scanning his memories for contradictory evidence. He’ll think of the fights, the frustrations, and other low points. He’ll mention those problems. And this will reinforce your efforts to convince. You’ll end up showing him your worst side. Angry. Desperate. And if that goes on too long, you’ll become bitter, resentful, and maybe even sarcastic. You know it’s true. This is how we all react when something matters to us deeply but the other person refuses to be convinced. This is not what I want for you to show him. Don’t try to convince. Instead, let his emotions do the work for you. Do this: I’ll explain each of these briefly after listing the techniques. Build a private line of communication. Use private flirting but not broadcast flirting. Be vulnerable about struggles interfering with your goals. Throw rocks at his enemies. Make time your servant. Build a Private Line of Communication

8. Here your goal is simple. Completely eliminate any communication via channels where others can observe his responses to you. Then ensure you have at least one private method for communicating with him directly. Text messaging is the most common method for achieving this. Why not communicate on social media channels like Facebook? Because privacy releases him from the human compulsion to remain consistent. We don’t like to appear inconsistent. Psychologists call this “the consistency bias.” Once we have publicly committed to something (like a breakup) we feel foolish showing any sign that we are wavering or may have even made the wrong decision. So your job is to completely remove that threat by eliminating any communication in public settings. Don’t talk to him in front of the kids. Don’t talk to him in front of your friends or his friends. Don’t ask him to meet you in a public place for coffee and a chat. He won’t even notice you’re not communicating with him publicly. Without realizing why, he’ll feel more open to exploring where things could go with you. Just send him a pleasant message once every four or five days. Something you knew he would find interesting, funny, or exciting. Nothing about your relationship. No convincing. Only send the kinds of messages that gradually condition him to expect that pleasurable little rush of dopamine you get when you open your favorite email newsletter or text messages from a friend who is good at making you laugh. Don’t demand any kind of response. Just keep the doors of communication open. Use Private Flirting but Not Broadcast Flirting

9. I wrote an entire article on this one powerful concept. I encourage you to read it in its entirety here. For now, I’ll just share this simple explanation. Broadcast flirting is on display for everyone to see. When a woman uses broadcast flirting, everyone around can see what she’s up to. For example, it’s broadcast flirting when Debbie laughs at all Daniel’s jokes at the office party and purposefully compliments him in front of others. Exclusive flirting is different. Think of it like an exclusive club. There are only two people in the club, and the two people share something exclusive. This is another reason your private line of communication is a must. You need an avenue to bring up insiders-only stuff like an inside joke or a reference to a funny moment only the two of you would remember. Any message like that evokes the right kinds of emotion. It evokes the emotions that naturally arise from feeling part of something special. No convincing is needed.

10. Be Vulnerable about Struggles and Goals Once your private line of communication is up and running, it’s time to step things up a notch. Many brilliant people have talked about the power of vulnerability, including Brené Brown who has recently popularized the concept while helping us all to understand its true power. But I have a more specific purpose in mind for you. If you are honest about goals you care about, and the struggles that block your way, it naturally triggers his hero instinct. It increases the chances that he’ll want to come to your rescue in big or small ways. And for men, being someone’s hero is romantic in ways that are hard for women to understand. It tugs at an ancient instinct all of us men share. Throw Rocks at His Enemies it sounds cruel, but I mean it metaphorically. We all want someone to have our back. We all crave validation more than we are willing to admit. And guess what? Your private line of communication is the perfect opportunity for him to complain about anyone or anything that’s getting in his way. When it comes to your ex, this is an ideal opportunity to put “the respect principle” to work. The respect principle is the main topic of the downloadable relationship course that first made me famous as a relationship coach. Thousands of women have taken my course and used the respect principle to bring out the best in their man. Simply put, men confuse the emotional sensations they get from love and respect. And if forced to choose, they would rather feel respected than loved. So when the frustrated text arrives, recognize it as the golden opportunity it is. Because we will do anything for someone who validates our frustration and takes our side when we are

11. feeling insecure. Give him the impression that you hold him in high esteem relative to other men. He’ll love you for it even if he’s not ready to admit it. click here to get instant access to Relationship Rewrite Method full course with all info! Make Time Your Servant Waiting is hard. Especially when you fear his heart may be taken by another woman at any minute. But feeling pressured to fix things fast is one of the worst culprits when it comes to my clients pushing men into a corner and inadvertently triggering his instinct to fight or flee. Don’t let time pressure be a master. Instead, make time your servant. Make it work for you. The key to accomplishing that is to recognize that time is on your side. He’s already pulled away from you. That’s done. Now you need time on your side because it works day and night to gradually break down the emotional walls he built up against the idea of getting back together with you. Give a man and a woman enough time together, and something’s bound to spark romantic feelings eventually. Give it enough time, and your private line of communication will eventually present you with an opportunity to see each other again face-to-face. When that opportunity arises to spend time in person, here’s what you’re going to do. Make long, deep eye contact. Less talking, more silence. Silence carries great power between lovers. It speaks louder than words and often evokes emotion in ways that bypass the barriers of words. Plus, sustaining eye contact while thinking loving thoughts toward him will cause your pupils to dilate. Humans subconsciously notice this small change and it triggers reciprocal feelings of attraction. So use periods of long, sustained eye contact. Make him wonder what you are thinking. Let his imagination do the work. While you’re at it, it helps to wear something new and different. It helps to differentiate the woman from his past and the woman standing in front of him now. If you have the opportunity, show up in something he’s never seen you wear before. I understand your situation is unique. Some of my suggestions may not apply. Despite that, I hope you will find opportunities to use this understanding of the difference between convincing and evoking the right feelings in the man you love. To your happy future,

12. James P.S. I’d love to help you rekindle the romance with your ex. If you’d like to see how, follow this link.