For Nina
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Presentation Transcript
My Progress Report 10 Weeks Of Counseling and Getting Help
Lift Up My Sleeves And Get To Work • Week 1
Week 1 • About Us, Our Relationship, Why I’m Here • Control: Understanding Control • Week 1 Assignment: Buy a journal and define… What is Control?
For Week 1 Assignment Buying A Journal & Writing About Control
What Is Control ? • My Definition: Someone who tells a person what they can and cannot do in a dominating or commanding way. • My Mom’s Definition: Chris
Week 2 Understanding Nina and why control is bad Understanding that although my intentions were good my approaches were bad Talking About Nina’s Family Understanding that I can’t make Nina Happy, Nina will only be happy if she loves herself Week 2 Assignment: Things I can Control & Things I can’t control
Having Good Intentions But Bad Approaches • Learning that nobody’s at fault and that the fault lies on the abuser. • Learning that what I had to endure was overwhelming and is a lot to take on. • Learning that I had good intentions but bad approaches that can easily be fixed. • Learning that every partner of a survivor needs counseling. It’s the only way the relationship can survive.
Talking About Nina’s Family • Understanding that It’s a very dysfunctional family and is overwhelming for a partner to deal with, especially being around the abusers. • Learning healthy approaches to tackle the situation about Nina’s family that is good for Nina. Focus should be on providing Nina the support and love to her and less on thinking about what they did. Nina has to heal herself, Chris can’t heal Nina.
Nina choosing to see her family…. • Is part of the healing process for her. • Learning how to be a good partner when she does see them and the importance of being by her side. • If Nina decides to confront them someday that’s up to her and I don’t say anything but be supportive. In the end Nina dictating seeing them or confronting them someday helps her heal in the end. Nina’s healing should be the focus. • Partners are going to be angry with the ones who have hurt the ones they love, that’s another big reason why partners need counseling.
Can I Make Nina Happy??? • Not exactly. This was hard for me to grasp. I always thought that I could make you happy all by myself and never considered what you were going through inside. • I can’t make Nina happy until she loves herself. • I can be apart of the process of Nina being happy but she needs to love herself and I need to be a supportive partner in order for that to happen.
Week 3 • Talking About My Family • What Are Some of their good traits and bad traits? • Bad Traits: Control, Protective, Worrying, Affection • Fixing The Bad Traits • Learning to not be protective/father figure • Affection • Week 3 Assignment: Write A Letter To Sarah
Father Figure • I Can’t bring back the things that were taken away in her life. • I Can’t give Nina her lost childhood. • Although it is hard knowing Nina didn’t enjoy or receive certain things in her life. I have to let go of trying to give her those things back. • I can only be her Man. • I can’t Fix her.
AFFECTION • Learning to let go with what happened at NIU with the threats. Makes me nervous to show affection in public. • Getting rid of what parents show to each other. • Working with counselor to show a lot more public affection.
Week 4 • Understanding physical, emotional, and Sexual Abuse. • Being A Supportive Partner • Learning to not be co-dependent • Learning to not take in Nina’s Emotions • Week 4 Assignment: Write down how each abuse has affected Nina.
Learning About Co-Dependency • A lot of my unhealthy behaviors are very common for partners of survivors. From counseling I was able to find that the place where I developed these behaviors was during the first two years in our relationship where you were going through your emergency stage. I developed co-dependent behaviors as I saw you go through your pain.
Definition of Co-Dependency • Co-dependent behavior is characterized by focusing on someone else’s interests to the detriment or exclusion of one’s one.
What is a Healthy Behavior? • Healthy and independent behavior is characterized by a primary focus on oneself and a secondary focus on others. This means that we remain in balance and retain a healthy and independent sense of ourselves as we offer appropriate support in interaction with those we love. • I didn’t have a healthy behavior
Week 5 • Understanding the healing process of a survivor (Steps) • Forming Barriers • Learning to not take things personnel • Learning to stop unhealthy behaviors that may slow Nina’s healing process • Week 5 Assignment: Write Down 3 Things I felt Lost with in the relationship
Knowing the Steps • Is Important for the partner. • The partner needs to understand what is going on in each stage and be prepared to be supportive in the right way with each stage. • It is also important for the partner to know that the steps can be in a different order and at times the survivor may go back to previous steps.
Being Supportive Partner • Being able to learn how to be a good and supportive partner and be able to handle each situation I felt lost with her.
Week 6 • More With Situations Where I felt Lost with • How To Vent Frustrations With Nina’s Family in a positive way • Week 6 Assignment: Read The Courage To Heal Workbook: For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
Venting Frustrations • Working More on How to Vent Frustrations with Nina’s Family in a Positive Way. • Funny Picture
