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Parenting in 21 st Century: Creating an Islamic Home Muhammad Abdul Bari www.amanaparenting.com Twitter: @MAbdulBari. An Islamic Home. Positive culture/ethos Loving relationship Quality time Family sessions/rule Basic routine in life Consult Shared household works Fun time
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Parenting in 21st Century: Creating an Islamic Home Muhammad Abdul Bari www.amanaparenting.com Twitter: @MAbdulBari
An Islamic Home • Positive culture/ethos • Loving relationship • Quality time • Family sessions/rule • Basic routine in life • Consult • Shared household works • Fun time • Helping with school Positive Family
An Islamic Home • FAMILY: FAther & Mother ILove You • Father/Mother complement as pair • Mother not overburdened, father integral part • They share tasks at home • They share joys & challenges • Both are disciplined • Islam & spirituality felt at home Positive Family
Father’s unique role • A child has father’s & mother’s gene • A child needs both toughness & tenderness • Father can & should become boy’s role model • Father needed more in boy’s puberty/adulthood Positive Family
Our Internal Ills 1) Social deprivation/under-achievement 2) Ethnic/sectarian/political fragmentation 3) Disproportionate youth criminality 4) Weak parenting 5) Ineffective mosques 6) Ineffective community organisations 7) Absent youth leadership in community 8) Lack of sufficient role models
External Pressure 1) Negative Image 2) Media onslaught 3) Pressure of materialism/secularism 4) Pressure of permissive lifestyle 5) ‘Divide and rule’ policy 6) General Islamophobia/bigotry
Social Issues • Bullying • Racism/Hatred • Islamophobia • ASB/Gangs • Drugs • Violence • Extremism Social Issues
Behaviour Issues Behaviour Issues • Insecurity • Egocentrism • Style/Fashion • Rudeness • Rebellion • Eating Habit • Mental Health Behaviour Issues
Adolescence ? Adolescence/Youth Physical Emotional Social: Smart phone Friendship Role model • Physical/puberty • Emotional • Social: • - Smart phone • - Friendship • - Role model Adolescence?
Self-Esteem Self-esteem gives self-confidence & positive pride Self-Esteem
Dealing with Issues • Sympathy/ empathy • Personal space • Respect • Involvement • Wholesome recreation Dealing with Adolescence?
Motivation • Self-esteem • Positive family • Safe Community • Healthy competition • Role modelling • Bite-size successes Motivation
Children learn what they live • If children live with… • criticism, they learn to condemn • hostility, they learn to fight • ridicule, they learn to be shy • shame, they learn to feel guilty • encouragement, they learn to confidence • tolerance, they learn to be patient • praise, they learn to appreciate • acceptance, they learn to love • honesty, they learn truthfulness • fairness, they learn justice • kindness, they learn respect • friendliness, they learn the world is better place Dorothy Law Nolte
Axes of Parenting Styles Warm LAISSEZ-FAIRE TOUGH LOVE Permissive Controlling DISENGAGED AUTHORITARIAN Hostile
Parenting Stages Pre-Marriage Ethos of compromise Post-Marriage Preparing to be parent Pre-Adolescence Techniques of tough love Post-Adolescence Helping child in life Parenting Stages
Parenting Components Building Families Balanced Growth and Development Parent – Child Relationship Discipline and Control Faith, Culture & Spirituality Family and Community Perspective
When a child of Adam dies, his/her deeds are cut off, except 3; Continuous charity Useful knowledge that benefits others, and righteous child who supplicates for him/her - Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) If your plan is for one year plant rice If your plan is for ten years plant trees If your plan is one hundred years educate children - Confucius