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Marrying

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  1. Marrying Finding a Life Partner

  2. What qualities do people look for in a marriage partner? • Good companion • Considerate • Honest • Affectionate • Dependable • Intelligent • Kind • Understanding • Interesting to talk to • Loyal

  3. What are the steps to take to marriage?

  4. Cohabitation • Many think • Common sense • Trains people for marriage • Studies have shown that it does not improve chances of finding a compatible mate • Communication no cohabitation is a key way to discover whether you are ready for marriage

  5. Write down in your notes the list of things to communicate about before marriage

  6. On Loose-Leaf • What advice would you give to the couple? • Which of the things to communicate about before marriage applies? • Why do you think it is important or not important to talk about this? • Put the number for the scenario on your paper.

  7. Happy Marriages Start with… • Having good self image • Good communication skills • Wanting to “be” married not just “get” married

  8. 10 Steps to a Happy Marriage • Strong commitment to the married lifestyle and fidelity • Good problem solving skills: there will be problems • Mutual trust, respect and honesty • Having fun together, really enjoying each other

  9. 10 Steps Continued • Sharing similar backgrounds: social, economic, religious, values, ethnicity? • Sharing a belief in the meaning of life and the value of life • Respecting each other as individuals with their own space, but shared activities show both interests

  10. 10 Steps Continued • Sharing a love of children, but their love for each other was the reason to stay together not the children only • Appreciating each other. High level of forgiveness and acceptance • Not living in the past, stop blaming others, don’t focus on past grievances.

  11. Romantic Notions: Unrealistic expectations • Being “in love” is sufficient reason to marry. • Looking for Mr. Perfect • “We’ll work that out when married” or “He’ll change.” • I know the right person when I “feel” it. • Choosing should be easy. It is fate or destiny • “We’ll live happily ever after”

  12. Why do people marry?

  13. Sharing Life with a Loving Companion • Deep friendship for life

  14. Creating New Life • Most obvious way is through children • Participate in creation with God, the source of all human life

  15. Strengthening Individual Identities • Strengthens, does not merge or repress • Nourish each others particular gifts • Strengthens roots of identity

  16. Calling forth the Best in Each Person • Can put aside masks and honestly be themselves • Reveling this true self is liberating • The give-and-take of marriage constantly calls forth gifts and personality traits that renew the partners • Through their relationship they discover they best and truest selves

  17. Enabling a Couple to Reach Out • Freed by their love to reach out to others • “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  18. Supporting the Journey of Faith • Means of support for their journey in faith • Journey in faith cannot be traveled alone • Supported and nurtured by community • Ritual of the sacrament of marriage is intended to be a community celebration, not a private event

  19. Marriage as a Covenant of Love • Mirrors the covenant between God and God’s people • What is a covenant? • Deeply personal, solemn promise made between persons • Pledge of faithful love • Requires maturity, realism, and preparation • How is this possible? • God’s grace given in the sacrament

  20. Covenant vs. Contract

  21. Covenant vs. Contract

  22. A Symbol of God’s Faithful Love • God’s faithful love for people • Two persons freely give their love to each other “in good times and in bad” • Symbolizes the love of Christ for the church • The God who is love is made visible in the love of the couple • The sacrament of marriage is living out life together

  23. “What God has Joined Together..” • Permanence of marriage • “the two shall become one flesh” • Necessary for the good of society • When marriages end society suffers from instability • Broken marriages cause emotional, financial, spiritual and interpersonal pain

  24. Taking Vows: Offering Own Integrity • Marriage vows are the formal way that the couple make their covenant to each other • Solemn promise • We commit our entire being to it • We offer our own integrity

  25. The Validity of the Vows • Must be given freely and knowledgeably in order to be valid, or true or binding • Freedom from pressures • Many pressures can weaken a person’s ability to consent freely to marriage, thus making the vows invalid • Knowledge and willingness • Must know what marriage promises mean • Must know about the other person too

  26. If vows are not taken freely and knowledgeably… • Annulment: marriage vows were invalid from the beginning • Says marriage was never a valid sacrament • At the time of the wedding sacrament one or both persons were not able to make a valid vow

  27. Different from… • Divorce: dissolves the legal contract of marriage

  28. Engagement • Beginning a relationship of mutual commitment • Implies involvement or activity • Trust needs to be deepened • Mutual self-disclosure • Should last for months • Time of trial

  29. Marriage Preparation • Intended to help a couple get ready for the serious and deep commitment of marriage • To realize marriage is a sacrament in union with the whole church • Designed to assist couples in fulfilling their mutual commitment • Often involves courses and meeting with a counselor

  30. The Wedding Celebration • Joyful celebrations • Anticipates with hope a love that will endure the test of time • Shows love of couple as well as God’s love to community • Community serves as witness • Highlights the public commitment of the couple

  31. The Rite of Marriage • Usually takes place within the Mass • Following Liturgy of the Word • 3 Questions the Priest asks • Have you come here freely? • Will you love and honor each other everyday for the rest of your lives? • Will you accept children lovingly from God?

  32. Vows • I promise to be true to you in good times and bad, in sickness and health, I will love and honor you all the days of my life. • Tells all who are present that these two persons have a goal of permanent commitment to foster each other’s good and thus the good of society as a whole. • Time of hope and optimism for all • Helps couple to realize the support of the community