Talking With Your Kids About Sexuality: Why it’s Important, When to Start, and What to Say Chris Reynolds, LPC

1. Talking With Your Kids About Sexuality:Why it’s Important, When to Start, and What to Say Chris Reynolds, LPC

2. Talking With Your Kids About Sexuality • What is sexuality education? • Sexual languages • Barriers to effective sexual communication • Sexual developmental milestones • Normal vs. troubled sexuality • Questions

3. What is Sexuality? “Sexuality education is preparation for healthy relationships, both with others and with self” Marty Klein, Ph.D.

4. Sexuality Education • Information / data • Values • Decision making skills • Support

5. Languages of Sexuality • Kid’s language • Slang language • Euphemisms • Medical language

6. Barriers to Effective Sexual Communication • Lack of comfort regarding sexuality • Parents can set limits • We don’t have to be experts • It’s not our kid’s problem • Belief: They’ll come to us when they have a question

7. Barriers to Effective Sexual Communication • Belief: Too much sexual information will be damaging • Belief: Kids aren’t sexual • Fear of having to deal with personal sexual issues

8. Sexuality Milestones: Infants / Toddlers • Sexual response cycle present • May touch genitals for pleasure • Curiosity regarding own and other’s bodies • Identify as boy or girl • Sexual language begins • Sexual framework is initiated

9. Sexuality Milestones: Preschoolers • Strong curiosity about reproduction and birth • May play exploratory games with similar age peers • Experiments to discover rules regarding sexuality • Accepts and expresses love/affection (important for later sexual development) • Gender role reflects cultural expectations

10. Sexuality Milestones: Elementary Schoolers • May begin puberty (girls 7, boys 8 ½) • Sexual orientation begins • Many have crushes or preliminary romantic relationships • Some physical touch in play • ASD curriculum focuses on naming body parts and sexually transmitted infections (1)

11. Sexuality Milestones: Middle Schoolers • Many have formal romantic relationships • 33% of girls and 50% of boys will have masturbated to orgasm (2) • Some have engaged in intercourse (6.6% before age 13) (3) • ASD curriculum emphasizes abstinence, contraceptives can be discussed (1)

12. Sexuality Milestones: High Schoolers • Most have experienced sexual intercourse (60% before senior year) • 58% used condoms during last intercourse (2) • Sexual identity is formed • No ASD required sexuality education; abstinence is emphasized, contraceptives can be discussed (1)

13. Normal vs. Troubled Sexuality Indicators of troubled sexuality include: • Power dynamics • Persistent breaking of social norms despite education • Persistent lack of regard for other’s rights • Sexual expressions that interfere with a major life role

14. Normal vs. Troubled Sexuality

15. Take-Home Messages

16. Resources for Sexuality Education at Home Websites www.siecus.org/pubs/ Many publications regarding sexuality education are included. Of particular use might be the “Families are Talking” series, which is available entirely on the web. www.kidshealth.org/ Provides doctor-approved health information about children from before birth through adolescence. www.talkingwithkids.orgTalking with Kids About Tough Issues: Provides information to encourage parents and caregivers to talk with their children earlier and more often about tough issues like sex, HIV/AIDS, violence, alcohol, and drug abuse. www.kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/ Teens Health: Provides teens and families with accurate, up-to-date, and jargon-free health information they can use. http://www.plannedparenthood.orgPlanned Parenthood Federation of America : Sexuality education resources and more. www.advocatesforyouth.org/teens Advocates for Youth: A comprehensive site offering information for both parents and youth.

17. Resources for Sexuality Education at Home Books Berger, K. (2001). The developmental person throughout the lifespan (5th edition). Worth Publishers: New York, NY. Gordon, S. & Gordon J. (2000). Raising a child responsibly in a sexually permissive world. Adams Media Corporation: Holbrook, MA. Haffner, D. (1999). From Diapers to dating: A parent’s guide to raising sexually healthy children. New Market Press: New York, NY. Haffner, D. (2001). Beyond the big talk: Every parent’s guide to raising sexually healthy teens – from middle school to high school and beyond. New Market Press: New York, NY. Schrank, L. & Hoke, S. (1998). Raising sexually healthy children: Sexual development, sexual abuse prevention and self esteem for children under seven. The Learning Seed Publishers: Lake Zurich, IL.

18. References • Anchorage School District Health Curriculum Framework: Sexuality Education Guidelines for Instruction. Adopted 11/96, reviewed 7/04. • Crooks, R. & Bauer, K. (1999). Our sexuality 7th edition. Brooks and Cole Publishing: New York, NY. • Grunbaum, J., et al. Youth risk behavior surveillance (YRBS)-United States, 2001. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly, 51 (SS-4), 1-64. (U.S. Centers for Disease Control) Klein, M. Talking with your kids about sex. Audio tape. www.sexed.org