Tips For Motivating Your Teen

1. Tips For Motivating Your Teen In my work as a tutor, many teens have walked through my door reluctantly, to say the least. They weren't interested in studying for the ACT or SAT, and at times weren't even interested in college at all. Sure, they knew that it was important for their future in a general way, but they definitely wanted to do something more fun than act/sat test prep with their limited free time. I'm also a parent, so I know just how frustrating it can be to watch your child fritter away time and talent and fail to reach success or mastery of a skill. Of course you want to motivate your child to do well, but here's the thing: True motivation, just like true learning, must come from within. It can't be forced upon anyone. You know what they say about leading a horse to water, and as a parent you've probably provided so many opportunities that you've lost count. But you can't force kids to be passionate about something that doesn't move them any more than you can get that ornery horse to drink the water you've so lovingly provided. The Two Types of Motivation Explained In educational psychology, researchers identify two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. Extrinsic motivation is an impulse to do something that comes from outside of oneself. Most often, extrinsic motivation comes in the form of punishments and rewards that someone else provides. For example, all those behavior charts and gold stars that you used to get your child to eat vegetables, practice piano, or walk the dog are extrinsic motivators. You set up a reward system to encourage the behavior you wanted to see. And any time you punish your child by taking away video games or the car keys, you've also provided extrinsic motivation to extinguish a less desirable behavior.

2. Rewards and punishment can be effective, but you've probably noticed that these external motivators worked better when your child was younger. With age comes complexity, and motivation just isn't so simple anymore. Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, comes from within. This can arise when you study a subject because it fascinates you, or when you volunteer for a cause you believe in. When people describe having a calling in life, they're talking about the feeling of intrinsic motivation that leads them to pursue a passion for the sheer joy of it. Intrinsic Motivation Is More Empowering Parents who want the best for their children understandably set up systems of extrinsic motivation by offering rewards and punishments to get students to complete homework and get good grades. After all, these are the keys to the kingdom when it comes to college admissions and future success. Unfortunately, extrinsic motivation just isn't as powerful as intrinsic motivation, which researchers have found leads students to engage more deeply with learning and face challenges with more persistence. When it comes to college admissions and test prep, kids get much more out of the process when they're motivated from within to do well — not because you forced them to come. I've seen this over and over in my career, and the research bears it out. So how can you help your child shift from doing well because you want it and doing well because he/she/they want it? When it comes to schoolwork, there are three main ways to flip the switch on intrinsic motivation: Autonomy: Give your child plenty of choice about what to study and how to spend time, making sure to allow for unique interests in addition to academics. Social connection: Make sure your child feels connected and cared for during learning, whether in school or through extra-curriculars. Relationships are everything! Competence: When students feel confident and capable, they're more likely to continue exploring a subject. Make sure your child gets time to focus on strengths in addition to shoring up weaknesses. Read More