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“The program director and I used to talk about what was wrong with the world and we used to say that if somebody could just hold these kids hands sometimes…. …not drag them along, but just walk with them…. …maybe a lot of them would find their way.”. – Mentor, Washington D.C., in Stand By Me.
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“The program director and I used to talk about what was wrong with the world and we used to say that if somebody could just hold these kids hands sometimes… …not drag them along, but just walk with them… …maybe a lot of them would find their way.” – Mentor, Washington D.C., in Stand By Me
MENTOR What does it mean to us? Stand/Support = Mentoring Relationship The Picture = Showcasing the Youth
Why? “Humans seem happiest and able to deploy their talents to the best advantage when they are confident that, standing behind them there are one or more trusted persons who will come to their aid should difficulties arise.” – Bowlby, in Herrerra, et al., 2000
African Proverb A person becomes a person through other people.
MENTORING: What you should know 1. The Foundation of Mentoring: The Relationship 2. Understanding The Youth 3. Understanding Your Role As A Mentor 4. Using The Program
THE RELATIONSHIP Any impact a mentor might have on the youth will happen through the relationship. – Rhodes, J.E., 2002
THE RELATIONSHIP The key that will open the door to a relationship between the mentor and the youth is TRUST.
THE RELATIONSHIP “Remember the Titans” clip: (titans1)
THE RELATIONSHIP Who do you trust? Why do you trust them?
THE RELATIONSHIP To build an effective relationship, the youth and the mentor need: • Mutual trust • Respect • To feel liked • A connection • Humor • Commitment • Understanding
THE RELATIONSHIP Effective mentor relationships are: • Nonjudgmental • Nonthreatening
THE RELATIONSHIP A mentor IS a: • Friend • Cheerleader • Listener • Self esteem booster • Wise and trusted teacher • Coach • Link to other cultures, attitudes, and behaviors • Tutor • Role Model – National Mentoring Partnership
THE RELATIONSHIP A mentor is NOT a: • Savior • Parent • Therapist • Parole Officer • Cool Peer
THE RELATIONSHIP "Big" clip here: (big)
THE RELATIONSHIP Relationships are strengthened by EMPATHY What is empathy? Balance between thought and emotion: Not becoming lost in the relationship, but also not being too distant
THE RELATIONSHIP Empathy does not mean telling deep dark secrets or solving the youth’s problems.
THE RELATIONSHIP This relationship is not about the youth understanding you. The youth should be the focus. However, there should be respect and caring on both sides.
THE RELATIONSHIP “Freak the Mighty” clip here: (max caine2)
THE RELATIONSHIP END OF RELATIONSHIP SECTION
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH Before you can teach me, you have to reach me.
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH Characteristics Of Youth • Social • Emotional • Physical • Mental
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH Choose “Sandlot” (sandlot) or “Simon Birch” (simon birch) clip here:
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH “Home Alone” clip here: (home alone)
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH Social Issues Facing Youth • Family: Economics, Lifestyle, Single Parent • Teen Pregnancy • Gangs • Drugs • Pressure: To Fit In, To Succeed • Eating Disorders • Bullies
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH “Christmas Story” clip here: (xmas 2)
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH Personal Issues Facing Youth • Depression • Physical Appearance • Suicide • Losses • Identity
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH FORTY ASSETS YOUTH NEED TO SUCCEED
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH How can a mentor be an asset? A mentor can help them connect with other adults, especially their parents.
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH How Good mentors help the youth feel worthy of love.
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH “Shrek” clip here: (shrek2)
“The Looking Glass Self” Imagine looking into a mirror that only showed your faults (real or perceived). What would you start to believe about yourself?
If a mentor views a youth positively, they can start to change the youth’s view of herself.
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH “Shrek” clip here: (shrek3)
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH END OF UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH SECTION
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR “We may never achieve what we want to accomplish if we don’t have someone in our life who has already found what we are striving for.” – Orel Hershiser
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR 1000 students were asked to name their hero: 21% said no one! 4.7% = an actor 16% = a parent 3.2% = a teacher 15% = an athlete 0.7% = a business leader 6.8% = a religious leader 0.3% = a politician 6.4% = a musician 0.2% = an activist 5.5% = a friend The Mood of American Youth ( National Association of Secondary Schools 1996)
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR Who Was Your Role Model?
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR As a role model for your youth, there is a factor that is very important to be successful: Not disappointing the youth.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR “Bagger Vance” clip here: (bagger4)
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR Role Model Mentors can be a role model of:
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR Qualities of a good mentor 1. Advocate 2. Communication 3. Provides new experiences 4. Consistency 5. Humor 6. Empathy
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR 1. ADVOCATE Advocate: intermediary, speaker, motivator, adviser, patron, vindicator.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR Advocate "He tells my parents how I took every class he taught. He tells them, "You have a special boy here." Embarrassed, I look at my feet. Before we leave, I hand my professor a present, a tan briefcase with his initials on the front. I bought this the day before at a shopping mall. I didn't want to forget him. Maybe I didn't want him to forget me." Tuesday’s With Morrie - Mitch Albom
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR 2. COMMUNICATION Good communication is based on listening. We have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we talk.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR How well do you listen?
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR Good Listening Skills Empathy
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR Good Listening Skills Requesting Concreteness