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Revising & Editing our Essays

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  1. Revising & Editing our Essays

  2. Attention Getter • NO Questions: Here’s why… • “Have you ever had to kill your best friend? Well, George from Of Mice and Men has to do so.”  Not everyone can relate… • Universal Idea/Truth: • “All men are created equal” “A hero is typically someone who…” “The word Prom is usually associated with dresses, limos, and dates. This isn’t the case for…” • Quotation or Dialogue: • “Franklin Roosevelt once said...” • Description/Imagery/Scenario: • “Imagine sitting on a beach…” “South side Chicago. Darkness. Poverty…” • NOTE: Choose one that makes the most sense with the topic/content of your essay!

  3. Hooks: Edit Your Hook • Read your hook to yourself and ask: • What purpose is this hook serving in my essay? • Is it introducing my reader to the topics and larger ideas of my essay? • It in interesting enough to make someone want to continue reading? • How can I improve my hook? • Please turn to your neighbor and read them your hook. • Are they interested? Make necessary adjustments!

  4. Necessary Information • Author’s name (if applicable) • Title of Play or Documentary • BRIEF summary! Maybe one or two sentences- max! • If you are writing about Walter being a Warrior, you DO NOT need to explain Beneatha and how she going on dates with two men, or the relationship between every character! Just summarize what you will need in your essay! • This should be tailored to the topic of your essay. • This MUST be in present tense. •  They are trying to.. They tried to… A Raisin in the Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry, is about an African American family on the South Side of Chicago, struggling to make ends meet in the 1950’s. Walter, the patriarch of the family attempts to make precarious business deals in order to make money for his family.

  5. Thesis: (No, you can’t use these) HOW/WHY + WHAT or WHAT + HOW/WHY Walter is the antagonist of the play because hemakes decisions that only benefit himself, and causes others in his family a great deal of distress. Ruth’s name, which means friend, is fitting for herbecause of the continued compassion she has for the other members of her family. Together, the students at CHS and actor Morgan Freeman work to solveCharleston’s biggest problem: racism.

  6. Topic Sentences • They tell your reader what the paragraph is going to be about (without saying, “I am now going to tell you about…”) • It is 1 of your 3 main points. • Think about the example you are going to provide in this paragraph. How can you word that idea in a mini thesis. They should not: • Be a quote • Be summary • Say anything along the lines of: Now I am going to tell you…. Ex: Ruth shows compassion toward Beneatha when Beneatha has trouble identifying with a culture. Ex: Racism is Charleston's biggest problem because… Ex: Walter is considered a warrior because…

  7. Introduce Evidence • Intro to Evidence: This is an explanation of the context of your quote. It can be one sentence, or a part of a sentence that connects to your quote. • This is summary- Not analysis! Ex: (Try some of these starters…) • This is most evident when Asagai and Beneatha… • For instance, Walter begins by … • Particularly in act two, Hansberry describes … EX: This is most prevalent when the white prom still takes place. Some of the white students attend the “white prom”  Summary!

  8. Evidence (Formerly know as Quote) • Evidence will look different depending on the essay you are re-writing. • If you have text to quote from, you need a direct quote. • “That money is made out of my father’s flesh—” (2.3). • If you do not have a text to quote from, you need a specific reference/example. • John Ellis, a Caucasian student at CHS, was afraid to tell his teammates that he was elected homecoming King at the “white prom” in fear of backlash from them. (Prom Night in Mississippi)

  9. Analysis • Analysis: • EXPLAINS HOW your quote is proving your thesis • Try using the same language in your analysis that you used in your thesis. • DO NOT use phrases such as… • This quote shows that… • Here we can clearly see that… • The quote is saying that… • This is obviously/obvious… • Three to four sentences of analysis per quote minimum. • What is being shown in the quote or example? What about it helps to prove what you’re trying to prove?

  10. High Five! Find a classmate… Give them a high-five and say, “Sharing is caring”

  11. Counter Argument (Persuasive only) • A counter argument gives you the chance to show you understand there is another side to your argument. • It also shows that you are a reasonable person who has considered both sides of the debate. (Ethos!) • Examples: • Some may think that Walter is a hero because… however, he is actually the villain because… • Even though people have the right to throw their own Prom and invite who they want, it still is not right to…

  12. Transitions Make sure your paragraphs flow seamlessly from one to the next. Ex: Previous topic Sentence-Ruth shows compassion toward Beneatha when Beneatha has trouble identifying with a culture. Next Topic Sentence-Much like Ruth shows kindness to Beneatha, she acts as a support system for Mama as well. Ex: #1-Racism is Charleston's biggest problem because… #2-Although Racism has been embedded in Charlston for generations, some students actively work to break this trend. Ex: #1-Walter is considered a warrior because… #2-In addition to Walter being ________, he also has a tendency to be ___________.

  13. Conclusion (1 of 2) • Conclusions do three things: • Restates your main argument in a new way. • Makes a “SO WHAT?” statement (why anyone should care). • Leaves the reader thinking (but not confused).

  14. Conclusion (2 of 2) Think about the bigger picture… • Why was the documentary necessary to make? • Maybe, it is meant to show that without a push for change, ignorance will remain constant. • What do the students of Charleston prove? • Maybe they prove the with each generation there is a necessity for growth and adaptation. • Why is Walter’s character portrayed the way he is? • Maybe he is meant to highlight the oppression that people face if their dreams do not fit into the norm. • Or, maybe he is a symbol of the opportunities for growth that are often overlooked simply because of ones’ appearance.

  15. Things NOT to do… Use contractions (don’t, won’t, couldn’t…) Write 1-2 sentence paragraphs End paragraphs in a quotation Response to Literature / Persuasive Essay Use personal pronouns (I, we, our, etc.) Write in past tense (he was, he said, he felt…)

  16. DO NOT FORGET TO… • Add an attention getter and necessary background info • To embed quotations in a sentence. • Ex: She states, “…” (I.i.65). • Connect all evidence back to your thesis!!!!!!! (CTT) • Leave the reader with a bigger idea to think about in your conclusion.

  17. Response to Lit. Peer Edit How to score your partner’s essay: • First/Second Read = Casual Read - get a feel for the essay with prompt in mind; Complete the Checklist and give feedback • Third Read = Score each element using Rubric (you need a highlighter or pen) – Average Scores for final score Discuss the results with your partner Turn in completed score sheet when you finish (I have already scored your essays – your partner’s score will not affect your grade; it is simply another approach /strategy to learn better writing technique) Extra time? Choose your essay to revise and preview/begin Outline Deconstruction…

  18. Essay Deconstruction Outline Outline Purpose: To expose the “holes” or weaknesses in your current essay structure; To strengthen our essay structure and flow. Choose one: Expository, Persuasive, Response to Lit. • All essays must have 3 TIQA-structured body paragraphs • This means you will have to add a TIQA body if you only wrote a 4- paragraph essay for your timed write • Thinking about choosing Persuasive? You will need to find direct quotes for each TIQA to replace your summarized evidence (we will have class time) Persuasive is 3 TIQA bodies and 1 counterargument.