Taming Technology Challenges for Students and Parents in the 21 st Century

1. Taming Technology Challenges for Students and Parents in the 21st Century April 28, 2010 Mary Fox-Alter Sam Aidala

2. Check In • Introduction • A change in your mental model • Don’t be casual • Blasé • Dismissive

3. We need a conversation… • Middle and high school years are very competitive, the popular scale still exists • To be considered a “loser” is one of the biggest fears of today’s teenager. • This has not changed in years. • Teens and pre-teens behaving proactively and impulsively is not new. • The inherent narcissism and super-man/woman image are still challenges for parenting. • But there’s a new environment ……….

4. Technology • Technology takes many forms • Define them • What is the most popular form of Technology

5. Technology • How it helps • How it hurts Learn something new that’s good Texting bad things Communicate easier with friends and family Hurt your reputation Faster Addicting Research is easier on the Internet than looking in books Viruses – damages Stay in touch with friends and make plans Unreliable Easy shopping Can find and give out personal information Google searching People can lie very easily…fake ID’s Maps are easy to get Identity theft Makes some things more efficient Posting pictures of people that are not true Get update to date news Posting bad things about people and hurting their feelings It is fun! It is fast. Easier to be mean Helps you be less lonely Sometimes you don’t know who is talking to you online Finding valuable information quickly Things you text or put on your phone/computer are saved Say “Hi” to people through email Bad websites Helps to study Cyberbullying It can teach you Speed bad news easily and quickly Helps you to work better Multitasking is not always the best thing Play games Inappropriate videos Type documents Loss of privacy Messaging is easy It can hurt me These are the insightful comments from the brave students present at the April 28, 2010 meeting at the MS. Good job!

6. The dangers of the technology culture • Accessibility is off the charts ….computers, cell phones, Wi-Fi hot spots, gaming devices • Communication devices seem to rule lives • Cameras can violate privacy – even seemingly innocuous pics • Its nature allows for text, images, videos to spread like wild fire • The permanency of its use has far reaching effects.

7. The dangers of the technology culture • Multi-tasking has taken on new definitions • Cyberbullying is a growing problem: • 2/3 rd of MS students report being victims WiredSafety.org 2008 • Only 5% tell parents WiredSafety.org 2008 • It has a new arena – cell phones • Sexting - is it redefining sexual behavior?

8. Did you know… • Young people have a blurred image between public and private behavior – reason – technology. • Today’s tech culture is very youth centered. • This independent culture has values that do not come from parents. • In the past generation .. adolescents were more likely to be integrated with adults. • Today … lots of peer socializing – in real time, and on-line. • Problem ….this makes students – starting in middle school - quite conducive to tween/teen peer pressure.

9. Your kids can fill in the blanks. Can you? • LOL: • BRB: • MUSM: • A/S/L: • TAW: • WU: • IPN: • SN: • POS: • WTGP: • LMIRL: • PIR: • PAW: • YBS:

10. Your kids can fill in the blanks. Can you? • LOL: laughing out loud • BRB: Be right back • MUSM: miss you so much • A/S/L: age, sex, location • TAW: teachers are watching • WU: what’s up • IPN: I’m posting naked • SN: screenname? • POS: parents over shoulder • WTGP: want to go private • LMIRL: let’s meet in real life • PIR: parent in room • PAW: parents over shoulder • YBS: you’ll be sorry

11. The Lure of Texting • Talking and e-mail take time – texting short and instantaneous • Works in noisy crowded environments • It boosts confidence • It is impersonal – young people often use it as a form of emotional avoidance • Young people often view its usage with new rules- some would say lack of rules. • http://www.thatsnotcool.com • Harassment can be easier – text bombing – thinking it’s a game

12. http://www.rga.com/work/thats-not-cool-mobile

14. The 3 Big Risks of Technology • Inappropriate Contact • Inappropriate Content • Inappropriate Conduct

15. The 3 Big Risks • Inappropriate Contact • Kids need to know how to recognize and protect themselves against contact with cyber-bullies, hackers, phishers, and predators.  • People aren’t always who they say they are.  • The Internet is a place to enhance existing relationships, not a place to meet new people.    

16. MS students have been invited to another's site

18. As parents – you need to talk to your MS child about social networking sites. Consider a monitoring product if you choose to allow your child to have an on-line profile.

19. The 3 Big Risks • Inappropriate Content – This includes both content that is viewed and content that is uploaded by kids.  • Help kids understand that the Internet is forever: everything they post online is tracked and stored and will follow them to future job interviews and  college entrance interviews. • 4 inappropriate slides

20. The 3 Big Risks • Inappropriate Conduct – Because the web environment can feel anonymous, some youth become dis-inhibited .  Teach kids that the Internet is a public forum:  anonymity is a myth.  Help them be the good person online that they are when they’re offline. • Texting can lead to inappropriate conduct: • Cyberbullying • Sexting • Emotional detachment

21. What’s a parent to do? • Follow a few simple rules – that will allow children to reap the benefits of the electronic world • Yet protect them from the exponential and permanent consequences • It’s another place to parent • Consider a developmentally appropriate “technology usage” roll out.

22. What can families do? • Get tech savvy BUT don’t let the technology cloud your judgment. • It’s a transformational thing – think about how you treat other transformational things: • Walking alone or with friends • Driving a car • Being alone at home • Dating

23. What can families do? • A tech roll out plan for ms can include: • Parents modeling excellent tech- etiquette • Driving • E-mail and texting (think before you click) • Not using technology to avoid social interactions • Create a home environment that has rich Tech –Free moments • Create home environments that support guidelines for all viewing and entertainment - for many reasons!

24. What can families do? • Monitored and supervised Internet • Establish a target date for an individual e-mail account – discuss “why” • Cell phones without texting and parent controls set • No social networking pages • Sometimes the need will develop with special programs or groups

25. Parenting Technology • Set rules for usage – have honest discussions and set positive expectations • Easier to be firm now as opposed to reigning it in later • Research proves that children do live up to positive expectations • Research supports – keeping them young! • Purchase electronic safeguards but don’t rely on them – filters, blockers etc

26. Parenting Technology • Do NOT let your child give out his/her cell number on-line! • If you child is a victim of cyberbullying either on-line, e-mail or texting: • You are your child’s biggest advocate – they need to turn to YOU! • grab electronic evidence (Spectorsoft) • do NOT respond • block the offender • notify the authorities – police, your ISP provider/carrier • Understand the role of the school –talk to guidance

27. Parenting Technology • Keep the “technology” within sight and monitor it • No, it’s not an invasion of privacy – there’s a difference between snooping and “checking up” • When did the family room become the “kid only” room and is there “technology” present? • Set time limits for technology use • Have consequences and stick to them

28. Parenting Technology • Ask yourself – do the benefits of my tween/teen having a cell phone outweigh the risks? • Think about the peer pressure of having or not having a phone – what’s the “age” • Create an agreement with your child over usage • Consider removing texting and data features until later – making adding them another right of passage – 13

29. Parenting Technology • Call your provider and consider implementing: • usage allowances: • minutes allowed to talk • amount of texting – if you choose to allow it. • time restrictions • blocked numbers • trusted numbers • Establish a “time off” for the phones • Establish a resting place for them – NOT the bedroom • Read your bill – check each number • Check the history files on the computer and the numbers called on the phone

30. Parenting Technology • Talk to other parents to establish a common ground. • Talk to others about what’s allowed in other homes and what are YOUR rules. • Establish guidelines for allowing your child to have a social networking page • discuss why do they need one • discuss keeping things private • consider monitoring software for that site • create a page yourself – leave a positive message on your child’s blog or page

31. Final Thoughts……not really • Do not become a victim of poor “technology” parenting or digital ignorance. • Tell your kids it is OK for them to “blame you” for the tech rules they must abide by. • Create the best environment for your kids to create their own digital footprint . • 21st century safety and responsibility is critical to survival – remember – our kids can go from photographers to producers of porn in seconds. • I question everything technological – it really is OK • Keep them young – don’t rush childhood!

32. Important Links • http://www.wiredsafety.org • http://cyberangels.org • http://www.spectorsoft.com/ • http://www.cyberpatrol.com