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COLLEGE ESSAY

COLLEGE ESSAY. SHOW, DON’T TELL. Special thanks to Mrs. Smith for putting this all together. Tell…. Good writing tends to draw an image in the reader’s mind instead of just telling the reader what to think or believe. Here’s a sentence that tells :

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COLLEGE ESSAY

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  1. COLLEGE ESSAY SHOW, DON’T TELL Special thanks to Mrs. Smith for putting this all together.

  2. Tell… • Good writing tends to draw an image in the reader’s mind instead of just telling the reader what to think or believe. Here’s a sentence that tells : • We’re making a human head out of newspaper and tape. I’m always two steps behind because they do it to get it done, but I do it to get it right.

  3. A good start… • There are some powerful lines and this is a creative way to approach the subject! • …they do it to get it done, but I do it to get it right. • While this gets the information across, it simply tells the reader the basics. • Here is what we are doing. I am… • The writer also attaches a negative connotation to perfectionism, which is not the way the writer wants to portray herself. • I am always two steps behind everyone else.

  4. Show! • A human head begins to emerge from the soggy mound of newspaper and tape. Coaxing the form to life, I massage the cool, damp surface, meticulously erasing every imperfection. Around the art room an army has formed – paper busts birthed from art and labor. Their rushed, malformed faces stare at the perfection before me, envious of the beauty that precision and time can create. Though my art is the last to arrive, it is the best. Once again, my perfectionism has paid off. (Revisions by Mrs. Smith)

  5. Tell vs. Show: • We’re making a human head out of newspaper and tape. • The writer is telling the reader what she is doing in art class. • A human head begins to emerge from the soggy mound of newspaper and tape. Coaxing the form to life, I massage the cool, damp surface, meticulously erasing every imperfection. • The writer is SHOWING the reader what she is doing in art class. She’s helping you to PICTURE IT!

  6. Other Differences: • Description • We’re making the shape of human head out of newspaper and tape. • A human head begins to emerge from the soggy mound of newspaper and tape. • In Medias Res – in the middle of things • I am in art class working on a project for Mr. Dooley. • We’re making the shape of a human head out of newspaper and tape.

  7. Other Differences: • Positive portrayal • I am always two steps behind everyone else. • Their rushed, malformed faces stare at the perfection before me, envious of the beauty that precision and time can create. Though my art is the last to arrive, it is the best. Once again, my perfectionism has paid off. • Word choice – How does my word choice connect? Why? • coaxing the form to life • birthed from art and labor • malformed faces stare

  8. Can You Ever “Tell, not Show”? • You may have noticed that it takes many more words to show rather than tell. A story that is filled with such detailed descriptions could become tiresome, so …you must mix long sentences with short sentences to create variety and keep your readers interested. Remember to use those short sentences strategically and for emphasis. • Strive to mix sections that show with sections that tell to keep your story moving.

  9. Use Metaphors and Similes to Show Your Ideas • Most of the descriptions I used in the last example were literal, but metaphors and similes also provide an interesting way to create an image for the reader. • Look back at the metaphor used in the revision: Around the art room an army has formed – paper busts birthed from art and labor. • I’m comparing the process of creating art to creating life (God) – and attempting to highlight the power and possibility of art (and, in turn, the artist/college applicant) at the same time.

  10. Time to Practice Look at the examples for simple subjects and then think about what central event you want to focus on in your college application essay.

  11. Let’s Give it a Try. • I love _______________________________. • I love to surf. The cold water shocks me awake as I pull my body onto my board and begin to paddle out. I leave the rest of the world back on the sand. With each stroke my entire body reaches for freedom: freedom from routine, frustration, and responsibility. My immediate needs replace land-life. I need to get out just past the break; the next set is appearing on the horizon. A comforting burn spreads across my shoulders as my pace quickens and I just clear the crest of the first wave. Sitting up on my board, I turn toward the beach. Unrecognizable stick figures and a mosaic of tiny umbrellas cover the shore. Everything and everyone is so small in comparison to the massive ocean behind me. The things I left behind on the beach wash away, shrinking and vanishing in the cold waters of the Atlantic. How did I ever allow them to get so big? I look over my right shoulder as the next wave grows, swelling with potential. Time to paddle. I made it past the break – I always will. Sometimes I need the ocean to remind me that I am bigger than the things I carry; I just have to put them into perspective and enjoy the ride.

  12. I love ____________ • Sounds • Smells • Tastes • What you feel (touch and/or emotions) • What you think • What you see

  13. I love pizza. • The smell of cheese fills the room as I open the warm, cardboard box. The round of dough sits before me, covered in cheese. My mouth begins to water as I lift the warm, folded dough to my mouth. Cheese burns the roof of my mouth and a thin layer of flour dusts my lips. The crunch of crispy crust signals the final bites as I finish my slice. • Sounds • Smells • Tastes • What you feel (touch and/or emotions) • What you think • What you see

  14. I love ______________. • I love making money. • I walk into the store and go past the clothing to the back of the store. There they are. My eyes scan the shelves for the most unique patterns. I need something different, something that is as unique as me. There it is tie-dyed perfection. I pick up the hat and don’t even need to check the price tag; I’ve got this. Making money let’s me buy the things I love. My hard work pays off.

  15. It can be used with more than “I love” for an opening writing prompt. My favorite season is: ____________________ • Sounds • Smells • Tastes • What you feel (touch and/or emotions) • What you think • What you see

  16. My favorite season is…. • My favorite season is fall. Oranges, yellows, and red paint the tree line as smoke snakes from chimneys and drifts through crisp morning air. I hold a steaming cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee in my cool hands, attempting to warm them.

  17. I am _____ and _____ (give personality traits)…

  18. Revise: It is time to revise your essay: Look at the rough draft in front of you. Step 1: Highlight/change the color of EVERY sentence in which you tell your reader what to think or believe about you. Step 2: Revise the most important statements you highlighted so they SHOW your reader who you are. HOMEWORK: Your revisions are due tomorrow in google doc form and shared with me through email. – no exceptions!

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