Personal Relationships

1. Personal Relationships

2. Interdependence Theory • Main Assumptions • Thibaut & Kelley (1959); Kelley & Thibaut (1978) • personal outcomes enhanced through interaction with others • we evaluate the rewards and costs of our own and our partner’s various behaviors in a relationship • relationship (dyad) is the unit of analysis rather than the individual • both partner’s actions and preferences impact the nature of the relationship • relationships evolve through repeated interaction

3. Interdependence Theory Floyd Betty

4. Interdependence Theory • Correspondent Outcomes • partners’ outcomes positively correlated • e.g., Floyd and Betty go to a movie they both enjoy • Non-correspondent Outcomes • partners’ outcomes negatively correlated • e.g., Floyd and Betty go to a movie that Floyd enjoys and Betty hates • social norms often developed in the presence of non-correspondent outcomes to coordinate and guide behavior

5. Interdependence Theory • Comparison Level (CL) • what we expect from the relationship • shaped by past experience and social comparison • relationship outcomes are compared to established CL to determine satisfaction • [Outcomes] – [CL] = satisfaction level

6. Interdependence Theory • Comparison Level of Alternatives (CL-Alt) • quality of best alternative relationship • CL-Alt can also be the absence of a relationship • the least we’ll settle for in current relationship • if current outcomes are less than our CL-Alt, we will end the relationship

7. Interdependence Theory • Relationship Dependence • [Current Outcomes] – [CL-Alt] • Low CL-Alt gives your partner increased power • High CL-Alt gives you increased power

8. Interdependence Theory • Nonvoluntary and Abusive Relationships • “Nonvoluntary relationships … are those in which the person is forced to stay even though he (or she) would prefer not to … The person remains in relationships of this sort because heavy costs are in some manner associated with being in better ones.”Thibaut & Kelley (1959) • 40% of women seeking aid at abuse shelters eventually return to their partners

9. Interdependence Theory • Rusbult & Martz (1995) • commitment to an abusive partner promoted by • substantial investments and • poor alternatives, • regardless of relationship satisfaction. • generally NOT an issue of personality (e.g., self-esteem, masochism, psychopathology) • suggests that the key to helping people get out of abusive relationships may be financial and/or educational aid rather than psychotherapy

10. Interdependence Theory • Rusbult’s Investment Model (1983) • Commitment determined by: • Satisfaction • [Outcomes – CL] = [Rewards – Costs] • Quality of Alternatives • CL-Alt • Investments • intrinsic (e.g., time, emotions, intimacy) • extrinsic (e.g., mutual friends, property, shared activities)

11. Interdependence Theory • Commitment Equation • (Rewards – Costs) – Quality of Alternatives + Investments = Committment • Commitment, in turn, predicts: • intent to persist in the relationship • psychological attachment to the relationship • long-term relationship orientation • Satisfaction and commitment often co-occur, but not always (e.g., abusive relationships)

12. Self-Disclosure • Culture and Self-Disclosure • Western ideals of good relationship behavior include a high level of self-disclosure • In Japan, the level of self-disclosure is much lower • correlation between self-disclosure and marital happiness is culturally dependent

13. Self-Disclosure • Gender Differences • stereotype that men self-disclose less • Dindia & Allen’s (1992) meta-analysis found this, but overall difference was very small • women are more likely to disclose weaknesses and conceal their strengths • men are more likely to disclose strengths and conceal their weaknesses • socialization of gender roles

14. Self-Expansion • Self-Expansion & Inclusion of Other in Self • Aron, Aron, & Smollan (1992) • assumes that one reason we enter relationships is to acquire new attributes, resources, and abilities • rapid self-expansion in the beginning of relationship • slowing down represents boredom • however, sharing novel and exciting activities facilitates perception of self-expansion • Inclusion of Other in Self • “I possess my partner’s attributes”

15. Inclusion of Other in Self Scale

16. Michelangelo Phenomenon • Partners in satisfying romantic relationships report and demonstrate that their partners help them to move closer to their ideal selves • Two incredibly excellent papers: • Rusbult, Kumashiro, Stocker, & Wolf (2004) • Kumashiro, Rusbult, Wolf, & Estrada (2005) • Current research is aimed at determining if this is a conscious or subconscious effort on the part of the partner

17. Balance of Power in Relationships • Most research has been traditionally conducted on heterosexual couples • researchers are only beginning to analyze the power structures in homosexual relationships • Most heterosexual relationships in the U.S. are described as egalitarian by partners • those that aren’t are usually male dominated • satisfaction about the same in egalitarian and male-dominated relationships • female dominated relationships tend to be unhappiest

18. Balance of Power in Relationships • Social norms and attitudes • males historically given more authority in heterosexual relationships • partners with traditional gender roles  male dominated relationships • Relative resources • partner with more resources has more power • Principle of Least Interest • partner least dependent on the relationship will have more power than person with the most dependence

19. Conflict • Generally low at the beginning of relationships • increases as the relationship becomes more serious • Why? • How conflicts are resolved determines whether they benefit or harm the relationship • conflict can be (and often is) beneficial to a relationship

20. Committed Relationships • Positive Illusions • people in satisfying relationships tend to idealize their partners and view their relationship as above average • downplay partner’s faults and overemphasize strengths • relationships that utilize positive illusions are happier and more likely to survive than those that don’t

21. Committed Relationships • Misremembering the Past • those in satisfying relationships tend to think of their relationship as steadily getting better over time (when it probably isn’t) • Forgoing Tempting Alternatives • Rusbult et al. (1999) speculate that symbols of “being taken” (e.g. wedding rings) ward off possible tempting alternative partners • Cognitive Mechanisms • assuming the current partner is the best available partner, thereby making the mere thought of leaving unthinkable

22. Committed Relationships • Attributions for Partner’s Behavior • Relationship-Enhancing Attributions • those in happy relationships make positive attributions for their partner’s bad behavior • Willingness to sacrifice • relationships with partners willing to sacrifice self-interest for the good of the relationships are happier

23. Committed Relationships • Accommodation and Forgiveness • constructive responses to a partner’s hurtful behavior (and inhibition of reciprocation) is associated with happier relationships (Rusbult et al., 1999) • reciprocation of harmful behavior (e.g., insults) can lead to conflict spirals • securely attached adults, those who are strongly committed to the relationship, those who take their partner’s perspective, and those with the ability to inhibit self-interested impulses are less likely to reciprocate destructive behavior (Finkel & Campbell, 2001)

24. Gay and Lesbian Relationships • Research in this area is lacking but greatly increasing • Satisfaction and Commitment • no difference in satisfaction for straight, gay, or lesbian relationships • relationship stability difficult to measure because of the lack of marriage records • Interdependence Theory predictions generalize to any human relationship