“Wait till you hear what I heard - - - “

1. “Wait till you hear what I heard - - - “ What is Gossip? Why is gossip wrong?

2. What is Gossip!? • “Gossip may be defined asany form of harmful or hurtfulcommunication that’s notabsolutely necessary to share,”Bob Burg, co-author ofGossip: Ten Pathways ToEliminate It From Your Life AndTransform Your Soul.

3. The Bible Says in I Timothy 5:13 • 13And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

4. Jesus put it this way… Mat 12:33 Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit. Mat 12:34 O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

5. Jesus put it this way… Mat 12:35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. Mat 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. Mat 12:37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

6. LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? 2He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. 3He thatbackbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour. Psalms 15:1-3

7. 19Thou givest thy mouth to evil, and thy tongue frameth deceit. 20Thou sittestandspeakest against thy brother; thou slanderestthine own mother’s son. 21These things hast thou done, and I kept silence; thou thoughtest that I was altogether such an one as thyself: but I will reprove thee, and set them in order before thine eyes. 22Now consider this, ye that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there be none to deliver. 23Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me: and to him that orderethhis conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God. Psalms 50:11

8. In another version it says, 20 you sat around gossiping, ruining the reputation of your own relatives.” 21 When you did all of this, I didn’t say a word, and you thought, “God is just like us!” But now I will accuse you. 22 You have ignored me! So pay close attention or I will tear you apart, and no one can help you. Psalms 50:11 The Contemporary English

9. 2 It’s stupid to say bad thingsabout your neighbors. If you are sensible, you will keep quiet.13 A gossip tells everything,but a true friend will keep a secret. Proverbs 11:12The Contemporary English Version

10. Why Do People Gossip? There are many reasons whypeople gossip… “Sometimes people don’t feel good about themselves and have low self esteem.” People’s lives get boring and they end up looking for a source of excitement. It also allows some people to feel like they’re a partof the group—there’s nothing that will bring two people together faster than bad mouthing a mutual acquaintance.

11. Gossip can… • Destroy relationships • Undermine the credibility of the gossiper and the victim • Create deep wounds • Produce feelings of guilt and shame • Destroy reputations • Place others in awkward circumstances

12. 27An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire. 28A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. Prov. 16: 27,28 King James Version28 Gossip is no good!It causes hard feelings and comes between friends. Proverbs 16:28 Contemporary English

13. In addition, gossip can completely undermine an organization’s purpose. “I’ve seen gossip among a group’s student leaders destroy morale, hurt the group’s public image, and make it next to impossible for the group to be taken seriously on campus...” Steven Roberts, at Kent State University

14. When you hear something that sounds like gossip, ask yourself a couple of questions…. • Why are they telling ME this? (Motive) • Why are they telling me this NOW? (Timing) • What does this person REALLY want?

15. Also consider…. • What kind of outcome is this person hoping to have by sharing this information? (Influence) • WHO is telling me this? (Credibility) • What will be done with my RESPONSE to this person? (Outcome)

16. You know what is coming: • “Wait till you hear what I heard” • “Don’t tell her I told you” • “I am not sure about this but I think” • “Do you know what she said about you?” • Gossip is a sin • What is Gossip? • Why is it a sin?

17. Gossip is a Sin • Several biblical terms used – talebearer is the most commonly found • Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, And they go down into the inmost body. • 3 levels – • Rumors • Hurtful, spite, hateful • Secret, private, intimate details

18. Gossip – Good / Bad Some People may see gossip in these categories… goodgossip and bad gossip. Where which KIND it is largely determined by the intent of the gossiper. If the intent is to hurt and humiliate then it is considered bad gossip. If the intent is to inform and the information will leads to understanding, then it is good gossip… ???

19. 1Thessilonians 4:11 And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;

20. Gossip is Wrong Because –It destroys reputations • Ecclesiastes 7:1 - A good name is better than precious ointment, And the day of death than the day of one’s birth; • 1 Samuel 18:30b - David behaved more wisely than all the servants of Saul, so that his name became highly esteemed.

21. Gossip is Wrong Because –It destroys reputations • The NT also places emphasis on a good name • Acts 6:3 – “men of good reputation” • Acts 10:22 – Cornelius • Acts 22:12 – Ananias • A good name takes years to build and a few seconds to destroy

22. Gossip is Wrong –Even of the information is true • Some think the defense of gossip is – “It is the truth.” • Proverbs 11:13 - A talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter. • Ecclesiastes 3:7b - A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;

23. Gossip is Wrong –Even of the information is true • Proverbs 10:19a - In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, • Proverbs 20:10 - He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; Therefore do not associate with one who flatters with his lips. • If they talk about others to you, they will talk about you to others.

24. Gossip is Wrong –Even of the information is true • Proverbs 25:9-10 – 9 Debate your case with your neighbor, And do not disclose the secret to another; 10 Lest he who hears it expose your shame, And your reputation be ruined.

25. Gossip is Wrong –Even of the information is true • “She has 3 children” – not gossip • “She has 3 children. One is away at college.” – not gossip • “She has 3 children. One is in jail on drug charges.” - Gossip

26. Gossip is Wrong Because–It unfairly pre-judges • Matthew 7:1 - Judge not, that you be not judged. • Gossip only gets one side of the story

27. Gossip is Wrong Because–Protects Sources More than the Victim • “A reliable source said” • “I can’t tell you who told me” • These are usually a good sign that you should not listen to this person.

28. Gossip is Wrong Because–Violates the Rule of Love • “We should put the best possible interpretation on what is said or done.” • Follow the Golden Rule – Matthew 7:12 • The rule of love – 1 Corinthians 13

29. Gossip is Wrong Because–Ignores Context • Almost any statement can be taken out of its context and made to say something not intended by the speaker • Most gossip starts this way

30. Gossip is Wrong Because–It is Self-Motivated • The gossiper often seeks to make others look worse so they won’t look so bad. • 2 Corinthians 10:12 - For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

31. Gossip is Wrong Because–Disobeys God • Leviticus 19:16 - You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the LORD. • Psalm 15:1-3 – 1 LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill? 2 He who walks uprightly, And works righteousness, And speaks the truth in his heart; 3 He who does not backbite with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend;

32. Gossip is Wrong Because–Disobeys God • Ephesians 4:31 – Evil speaking • Titus 3:1-2 – Speak evil of no one • James 4:11 – Do not speak evil of a brother

33. My Response • Silence- will it be perceived as ignoring or agreeing? • A challenge- will I be the next victim? • Agreement- I am now a perpetrator too • Problem solving- If they don’t really want to fix their problem, this will shut them down. • Reverse Talk- This can be a very effective solution in some cases……..

34. How can gossip be stopped? “What if everyone who gossiped decided to do the opposite and do ‘reverse gossip?’” In other words, you talk good about people—‘Now, isn’t Dave a hard worker or isn’t Mary a great person?’ People are bound to talk about the people in their lives, and choosing to spread kind words around instead of gossip and rumors creates a healthier environment where everyone is better off.

35. What if that doesn’t work? Sometimes, the best response to gossip is no response. “Refuse to listen to gossip, slander, and other negative forms of speech. If you’re on a diet, don’t bring the cake and cookies into your home. If you’re ending gossip, try and keep away from conversations that may tempt you to listen or chime in.”

36. What to do if you have a problem with someone…… Choose your battles- does it really matter? Ask yourself- what is the outcome to this that I really want? If you don’t know, then leave it alone Make sure your motive is always right.

37. Then…………. • Pray, and ask God for the best approach • Pick the right time and place to talk • Be specific about the problem at hand, and listen to the other side of the story. • NEVER jump to conclusions or make assumptions until you have all the facts. And even then be cautious. • Remember AIM, not BLAME. What is the outcome that will please God?

38. Pitfalls to avoid • Don’t compromise principles of morality just to come to an agreement. • In some cases you have to agree to disagree. • Don’t have a “Win-Lose” attitude. If anyone loses, everyone loses. • Don’t get lost in general terms- “you always…you never….everybody” Be specific with the problem at hand. Who, when, where, what. • If the person is in authority (policeman, IRS, pastor, parent/child, judge, teacher….) it is likely possible that they will have the last word. But usually they are open to listen to concerns if they are presented appropriately.

39. Also Consider But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: - Ephesians 4:15

40. Some Observations: • Before you speak – ask three questions: • Is it true? • Is it necessary? • Will it help? • Real compassion acts,gossip just sits on the tongue.

41. Some Observations: • I am either part of the problem OR part of the solution. • Do not listen to the gossip of others – • Say to them, “I am afraid that would get into gossip.” • Call it what it is – and they will stop • Gossipers can only gossip if others will listen

42. Conclusion: • Do not get started in this vicious habit of gossiping • It starts in the heart – Matthew 15:19 • Proverbs 26:20 - Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.