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Keeping’ Love Real: Healthy/Unhealthy Relationships

Keeping’ Love Real: Healthy/Unhealthy Relationships. Mr. Chis-Luca. Let’s start with some ST A T I S T I C S …. No matter who you are, you can be affected by dating violence. . About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.

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Keeping’ Love Real: Healthy/Unhealthy Relationships

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  1. Keeping’ Love Real: Healthy/Unhealthy Relationships Mr. Chis-Luca

  2. Let’s start with some STATISTICS …

  3. No matter who you are, you can be affected by dating violence.

  4. About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.

  5. 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.

  6. Teen dating violencemost often takes place in the home of one of the partners.

  7. A woman is beaten every 9 seconds in the United States.

  8. 95% of reported cases of dating-domestic violence to the police are committed by men against women.

  9. The remaining 5% of reported cases are committed by women against men.

  10. What does an unhealthy relationship look like?

  11. In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … • Uses threatening or violent behavior to get what he/she wants • Uses put-downs or dirty looks to scare the other partner • Plays mind games

  12. In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … • Is isolated from friends, family, and activities • Uses guilt to control partner • Trying to embarrass partner, especially in front of friends

  13. In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … • Makes all the decisions • Uses jealousy to justify actions • Always wants to be together

  14. In an unhealthy relationship … One partner … • Forces sex • Keeps the fact that they have a sexually transmitted infection a secret • Refuses to use safer sex methods

  15. Types of Abuse

  16. Physical - pushing, shoving, hitting, kicking, biting, pulling hair, throwing, stomping, cutting, grabbing, punching, choking, using a weapon, not letting you sleep

  17. Emotional - Put downs, calling names- stupid, ugly, fat, crazy, etc., playing mind games, making you feel crazy, making you always feel wrong, humiliating you, not allowing any privacy

  18. Sexual - rape, withholding sex as a punishment

  19. Economic - Controlling someone’s money without their consent, taking someone’s paycheck

  20. Isolation - Using jealousy, preventing you from going out, getting a job, going to school, seeing your family and friends, intimidating family and friends so they won’t see you anymore

  21. Social Status - Using your background against you (sexism, homophobia, racism, anti-immigrant)

  22. Verbal - Aggressive/demanding communication, non-affirming, name calling, silencing you

  23. Harassment - Nagging, threatening, being forceful/won’t let up, aggressive

  24. Peer Pressure - Being coerced into actions that you are not comfortable with

  25. Intimidation/Threats - Scare tactics, fear of death/harm, rumors, telling family and friends, using objects

  26. What is the cycle of violence?

  27. Cycle of Violence

  28. Stage 1 = Tension Building ABUSER MAY… PARTNER MAY… • Pick fights • Act jealous & possessive • Criticize, threaten • Drink, use drugs • Be moody, unpredictable • Be crazy-making • Feel like he/she walking on eggshells • Try to reason with the batterer • Try to calm the abuser • Try to appease the batterer • Feel afraid or anxious

  29. Stage 2 = “Explosion” PARTNER MAY… ABUSER MAY… • Verbal Abuse • Sexual Assault • Physical Abuse • Increase control over money • Restrain partner • Destroy property, phone • Emotionally Assault -Experience fear, shock -Use self-defense -Call for help -Try to flee, leave -Pray for it to stop

  30. Stage 3 = “Honeymoon” ABUSER MAY… PARTNER MAY… • Ask for forgiveness • Promise it won’t happen again • Stop drinking, using drugs • Go to counseling • Be affectionate • Minimize or deny abuse • Forgive • Return home • Arrange for counseling • Feel hopeful • Feel manipulated • Blame self • Minimize or deny abuse

  31. What does a healthy relationship look like?

  32. Communication Both partners … • Can share their feelings and needs • Are equally committed to the relationship • Can share person with others without feeling jealous • Are willing to compromise

  33. Both partners … • Do not lose sight of who they are • Share a basic value system • Have common goals and a sense of direction

  34. Respect Both partners … • Can share their sexual history • respecting each other’s sexual boundaries • Are able to say no to sex • Practice safer sex methods

  35. Ingredients for a healthy relationship … • Mutual respect • Trust • Honesty • Support • Fairness/equality • Separate identities • Good communication

  36. What to do if a friend needs help … • Approach your friend and say, “I’m worried about you because …” • Listen and believe what your friend tells you. Don’t judge or blame. Say, “this is not your fault.” • Show concern. • Offer support. “What can I do to help?”

  37. The end

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