Rochelle Ritzi, MS, LPC Doctoral Counseling Student, UNT rochelle@tots.pro www.tots.pro

1. How to Talk to about the Hard Stuff: Effectively Delivering Difficult Information to Staff and Parents Rochelle Ritzi, MS, LPC Doctoral Counseling Student, UNT rochelle@tots.pro www.tots.pro Megan Krizan, M.Ed, LPC Intern, under the supervision of Brandy Schumann, PhD, LPCS, NCC, RPTS megan@tots.pro www.tots.pro

2. What’s ahead… • Difficult topics with staff and parents • A practical look at personality • The staff/parent (personality) you dread • How different personalities can compliment or clash • How to deliver difficult information so it can be received

3. Difficult Conversations… Behavioral problems Academic struggles Usually a combination

4. Difficult Conversations… Complaints Concerns

5. What is your uncensored reaction to feedback? How would you like difficult information to be delivered to you?

6. Personality

7. What do you avoid and dislike MOST? • Rejection and hassles • Criticism and ridicule • Doing things that are meaningless and unimportant • Stress and pain Lott, L (n.d.); Nelson, Lott & Glenn (2000); Positive Discipline (2011)

8. What animal are you? • If you dislike most: • Rejection and hassles Chameleon • Criticism and ridicule Lion • Meaningless and unimportance Eagle • Stress and Pain Turtle

9. The Chameleon • If you dislike most: • Rejection & hassles • You probably... • Say yes and mean no • Fear confrontation • Give in easily • Worry of being disliked • Try to fix everything to make others happy • Whine & complain • Work hard • Super reasonable • Are known to accommodate and be super reasonable • Make lists Pleaser

10. The Lion • If you dislike most • Criticism and ridicule • You probably… • Hold back your emotions • Boss others • Are organized • Argue • Get quiet and wait for others to coax you • Do things yourself • Cover all bases before you act • Complain, sigh, procrastinate • Get angry, explain/defend • Engage in physical activity • Put up a wall Control

11. The Eagle • If you dislike most: • Doing things that are meaningless and unimportant • You probably... • Overdo it, take on too much • Worry about doing better • Become the expert • Seek advocates • Fight to prove your point • Can be stubborn • Put down people or things, including self • Cry, scream, or complain to others (about the absurdity of life/others) • Correct others • Operate on “shoulds” Superiority

12. The Turtle • If you dislike most: • Stress and pain • You probably… • Make jokes, use humor often • Intellectualize • Do only things you already do well • Avoid new experiences • Take the path of least resistance • Leave sentences incomplete • Avoid risks • Hide so others don’t see imperfections • Overreact • Complain, cry, scream • Micromanage and spoil others • Don’t ask for help • Tuck into your shell, attack like a snapping turtle • Close up your heart Comfort

13. Group with like animals… • As a group, decide: • What concern/behavior/academic problem would be most difficult to deliver? Why? • Which staff/parent/animal do you like working with LEAST? Why?

14. Sensitivity • To receive difficult information: • Chameleons (pleaser) need: • Feel cared for • Approval • Lions (control) need: • Choices (help determine solution) • To lead • Asked how they feel • Given time/space to process information

15. Sensitivity • Eagles (superiority) need: • To be recognized • To be thanked • Told they are right • Help getting started (with a small step) • Turtle (comfort) need: • To not be interrupted • For you to invite their comments • Listened to • Know that you believe in them/their child • Encouraged

16. Compliment or Clash? Eagle and an Eagle Chameleon and a Turtle Lion and Turtle Others?

17. Try it… Child not ready for Kindergarten Complaint against staff member (impatient with child)

18. To Deliver Difficult Information: • Understand yourself • Send a message of care • Figure out what is needed by imagining same animal in your life • Use “similar” instead of “I think he has” • Learn about your student’s parent(s)/guardian(s) • Make notes after “meet the teacher” • What “animal” are they? • What do they need from you when hearing difficult information?

19. Contact Information rochelle@tots.pro megan@tots.pro Therapy on the Square 114 E. Louisiana, Ste. 201 McKinney, TX 75069 www.tots.pro 972-886-8375 office

20. Other presentations… • How to Help a Child Grieve • I Thought I Knew My Child… Keys to Understanding Your Child’s Behavior • Discipline Can Be Positive! Learn How to Avoid Pitfalls in Punishment • How to Accept a Child When You Don’t Accept His/Her Behavior • How to Have Family (or Class) Meetings • Positive Discipline • Play – Understanding the Language of Children • Connecting and Redirecting: Understanding Misbehavior in Your Classroom and What to Do About It.

21. References Lott, L. (n.d.). Retrieved August 20, 2011, from http://www.lynnlott.com/tryit/websiteTopCard2.htm Nelson, J., Lott, L., & Glenn, S. (2000). Positive discipline in the classroom. (3rd ed.). New York, NY: Three Rivers Press. Positive Discipline. (2011). Retrieved August 20, 2011, from http://positivediscipline.com Questions?