PARENTAL ALIENATION: SEPARATING FACT FROM FICTION

1. PARENTAL ALIENATION: SEPARATING FACT FROM FICTION Beth Painter Harrington, Ph.D. LP December 6, 2012

2. Key references • Garber, Benjamin. (2011). Parental Alienation and the dynamics of the Enmeshed Parent-Child Dyad: Adultification, Parentification, and Infantilization, Family Court Review, 49(2), 322–335. • Kelly, J. & Johnston, J. (2001). A reformulation of PAS, Family Court Review, 39(3), 249-266.

3. Gardner’s definition • A disorder that arises primarily in the context of child custody disputes in which the child denigrates one parent with no justification. • It results from a combination of the indoctrination (brainwashing) by one parent, and the child’s own contribution to the vilification of the parent (1998, 1999) • Usually mother is alienating parent

4. Problems with PAS concept • Too simplistic • Lacks empirical foundation; not scientifically established as a “syndrome” • Focused on parents rather than child • Family systems view more useful for assessment and treatment • Radical recommendations have sometimes followed “diagnosis” of syndrome

5. More recent formulations • Johnston and Kelly’s reformulation (2001) distinguishes between affinity, alignment and alienation • Continuum is more useful way to view the phenomenon

6. Kelly and Johnston definition An alienated child expresses freely and persistently, unreasonable negative feelings and beliefs (such as anger, hatred, rejection and/or fear) toward a parent that are disproportionate to the child’s actual experience with that child (Johnston, 2002)

7. Garber definition • I use the word “alienation” to describe the convergence of relationship dynamics which together cause an individual to express unjustifiable and disproportionately negative reactions to a targeted individual. • (Garber, 2012)

8. “parental alienation is seldom exclusively the result of one parent’s malicious actions toward or about the other” (Garber, 2011)

9. Need to distinguish between alienated children and those that are: • Responding to reality based neglect, abuse or poor parenting • Showing normative reactions to transitions and access problems • Showing preferences and reactions within normal limits

10. Alignment, estrangement, alienation continuum(Adapted from Kelly & Johnson, 2001)

11. Children with positive relationships with both parents • Want to spend time with both parents • Likes things at both houses • Don’t particularly like going back and forth • Would like to live at either home or both • Like whatever arrangement parents have set up • If spending less time with one parent, often wants to spend more time

12. Children who resist or refuse seeing a parent: normative reasons • Developmentally based • To align with more nurturing parent • To take care of more needy or vulnerable parent • To avoid differences between homes • To avoid being directly involved in conflict • To avoid disruption in their routines • To avoid dealing with grief of divorce • To avoid uncomfortable relationship with a significant other, stepparent or stepsiblings

13. Children with affinity for one parent • There is preference but it is ambivalent • Weaker, more angry or hurt parent • May be expression of child’s hurt at being “left” by one parent or taking the side of the “wronged” parent • Will spend time with “bad” parent and enjoy it but rarely express this to the favored parent and will continue to complain about them to the favored parent • Similar or complementary personality and/or temperament • May be constant throughout life or change depending on circumstances, changes in life of child or parent

14. Children estranged from one parent • Realistic Reasons • Abandonment or low involvement • Disrupted relationship • History of abuse • Witness to domestic violence • Alienating behavior of other parent? • Repeated false or unsubstantiated allegations of abuse • Blocking parenting time • Interfering with other forms of access, i.e. phone, extended family

15. Children alienated from one parent • Their preference is unambivalent • Child’s language does not appear to be their own • Rigid refusal to have a relationship with other parent • Obsessed with anger and hatred for targeted parent

16. Stages of alienation • Stage 1: Alienation themes/behaviors are present • Stage 2: Child’s alignment with alienating parent is strong though will acknowledge some good experiences with targeted parent. Will push for limited contact and contact may become interrupted • Stage 3: Child’s position becomes entrenched. Preferred parent will superficially support contact but plead “helplessness” to overcome child’s resistance

17. Other contributors • Intense parental conflict • Separation experienced as narcissistic wound • Parent repartners/remarries quickly • Extended family, new partners

18. The work of Ben Garber • Delves more into depth on what happens to children in these families • “Role corruption”

19. How it happens • the child’s exposure to Parent A’s denigration of Parent B. • the child’s direct experience of Parent B’s real caregiving deficits. • the child’s enmeshed and inappropriate relationship within the aligned dyad.

20. Role corruption • Garber uses the phrase role corruption to describe three specific dynamics that can characterize the aligned parent-child dyad and are often associated with parental alienation.

21. The breakdown of healthy intrafamilial and intergenerational boundaries is often associated with parent-child enmeshment and “role reversal.” • Poverty, illness or death of parent or deployment of parent are all causes. • So can separation, divorce and high parent conflict.

22. Parentification • The parentifying adult enlists the child to fulfill his or her need to be cared for. • Sometimes circumstantial, i.e. illness/death of parent, immigrant, poverty. • When parents separate • Moms more than dads • Girls more than boys

23. Long term impact on child • Case example -- 16 yo learns of father’s affair

24. Adultification • Adultification is a form of role corruption characterized by a parent’s enlistment of a child in a peer- or partner-like role. • The adultified child becomes the parent’s friend, confidante, and ally. • This can feel good to the child because of “perks” • Puts children at risk for anxiety, depression, hyperorganization, poor relations with others, and poor educational and career achievement” (Burton, 2002).

25. Infantilization • The infantilizing parent needs to be needed and, as such, feels threatened by and acts to impede the child’s emerging independence. • May look good early on, i.e. parents looks to be an attentive caregiver but as child grows and individuates the pattern shows itself.

26. Infantilization examples • Depressed mom • Closer with younger child • Excessive school absences due to vague ill defined physical symptoms • Evidence of emotional immaturity, i.e. social isolation, avoidant behaviors • Problems with older child

27. Like the parentified child, this child may feel responsible for the parent’s well-being in absentia, but not in a caregiving capacity. Instead, the infantilized child is at least implicitly aware that his or her continuing dependency fulfills the enmeshed parent’s needs.

28. In extreme cases we get Facticious Disorder by Proxy (AKA Munchausen) • Naegele and Clark (2001; cf., Lindahl, 2009) have proposed a subtype of this diagnosis, which they refer to as Forensic Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, characterized by, fabrication of allegations of child sexual abuse by a parent in the context of a child custody dispute.

29. How to assess the family system • The initial assessment • Where on the continuum is child? • Are there readily identifiable reasons for the alienated feelings? • Are alienating behaviors present?

30. Challenges in assessment • How to observe the rejected parent with the child (if not seeing them regularly) • The importance of neutrality in evaluator • Need for comprehensive evaluation

31. More important references • Elizabeth Ellis. (2007). A Stepwise Approach to Evaluating Children for Parental Alienation Syndrome, Journal of Child Custody, • 15 criteria are identified; 10 must be present to qualify for the syndrome

32. The role of attorneys and judicial officers in case management

33. Role of Attorneys: • Understand the dynamic • Avoid use of inflammatory terms like PAS • Educate client • Make appropriate referrals • Protect children

34. Team approach is essential • Consult with qualified professionals early on • Early assessment • Cooperate with opposing counsel in use of neutrals/professionals

35. Interventions • Role of the court • Systems oriented clinical treatment • Case management

36. Role of Court • Importance of early intervention • One judge to be assigned • Use of appropriate professionals • Continuity of parent-child contact • Both parents are responsible for resolution • Clear, detailed and decisive orders • Need to closely monitor case • Child or family psychotherapy for the prevention of

37. Systems oriented treatment • Re-unification counseling or therapeutic reunification • Psychotherapy for individual family members • Involves psychotherapy, education and coaching.

38. Parent Shadowing • Overcoming Barriers Family Camp • Prevention

39. Case Management • Change in custody to the rejected parent • Removal of the child from the family (e.g., placement in a residential treatment program or boarding school) • Case management by a judge, a Parent Consultant or Guardian ad Litem.