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1 Session Version

1 Session Version. Thriving with Your Spirited Child. Presented by:. Nan Baumgartner and Faden Fulleylove-Krause UWEX Family Living Agents Fond du Lac and Calumet Counties. Ground Rules. Start on time, stay on time, and close on time.

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1 Session Version

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  1. 1 Session Version

  2. Thriving with Your Spirited Child

  3. Presented by: Nan Baumgartner and Faden Fulleylove-Krause UWEX Family Living Agents Fond du Lac and Calumet Counties

  4. Ground Rules • Start on time, stay on time, and close on time. • Everyone has a chance to talk. Share the opportunity. • No one HAS to talk. It is OK to pass at any time.

  5. Ground Rules, cont. • All caregivers must decide what fits or would work for them. There is no one right way. • Advice is given only when asked for. • All that is shared is confidential – It stays here.

  6. Ground Rules……the end • This program shares what science and research tells us works for most kids. • But, as the parent, you know your child better than any expert. • Select and try the ideas you think might work best.

  7. Basis for Program You are the expert on YOUR child. An Agriculture expert can share the amount of fertilizer recommended for an entire field of corn. It is much more challenging to determine how much is needed for a single stalk of corn. Your ‘more’ child is that stalk of corn and you ARE the expert.

  8. Introductory Activity State Your Name. Age of the “more” child who brought you here. Hello. My name is Mary

  9. Earth Quake Activity Does it ever feel like this at your house with your ‘more’ child?

  10. Definition of “spirited child” • Normal children who are MORE intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive and uncomfortable with change than other children. • Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Raising Your Spirited Child, page 7.

  11. Label Activity Write one word that describes your ‘more’ child on their ‘earth quake’ days.

  12. Label Activity cont. • How easy is it for a child to develop a positive sense of self when these words are used to describe him? • How do you feel as a parent/caregiver of this child?

  13. Label Activity cont. • Unfortunately, words like these can become self-fulfilling prophecies, filling our minds and draining our energy. Fortunately, each of these words has a potential strength as we will soon explore.

  14. Understanding Temperament • Kids are born with a biological make up that is the basis for their temperament. • Temperament is the child’s most natural way to react to people in the environment.

  15. Understanding Temperament • Each child’s style is unique. • It is a behavioral style. • Life experiences effect temperament, but the child’s basic temperament or style stays the same.

  16. Understanding Temperament • Temperament is one of many factors that make up a person’s personality. • Other factors that help us understand each child include: • Gender • Age • Birth order • Learning modality, etc.

  17. Things you cannot change • Qualities we have to accept because they cannot be fundamentally changed: • Male or Female Skin Color • Facial Features Hair Color • Intelligence Height • Temperament Maturation Rate • Talent Incurable or chronic disease • The way children Body Type • think atdifferent What the child enjoys • ages Source: Kansas State University, Charles Smith, Ph.D.

  18. Understanding Temperamentcan help us know: • What behaviors to expect • How the child will react in situations. and…… • How to respond in an effective way. • It provides us with effective techniques for working with all children in various settings.

  19. Temperament Background • There are 9 temperament traits identified in the original study done by Chess, Thomas and Birch, who say: “Personality is shaped by the constant interplay of temperament and environment”.

  20. Temperament Background • Each of these traits can be placed on a continuum from very mild to very strong. • We are born with each of these temperament characteristics in varying degrees of intensity.

  21. Temperament Pie Temperament Pie Each of us has a unique, special temperament. The same is true for our children. Each temperamental trait your child exhibits is like a slice of the child. Understanding these traits gives us insights into how to parent our child. Modified and Adapted by Nan Baumgartner from: Basic Parenting, Foundation Resources, Kansas State University Cooperative Extension Service

  22. Temperament Characteristics Activity – Part I • Distribute Temperament Characteristics Continuum • Complete continuum • What have you learned? • Any a-ha-s?

  23. Strategies • Dr. Stanley Turecki, author of “The Difficult Child” suggests the use of the following management skills:

  24. Strategies • DEFINE – recognize how the trait affects the child’s behavior. • AVOID - the incorrect labels that demean the child and pass judgment.

  25. Labels • Stick to our kids like burrs • Positive or Negative (desirable or undesirable) • Affect how we see ourselves • And potentially how we act

  26. Social Mirror Metaphor for the way we see ourselves because others reflect their: • Perceptions • Opinions • Beliefs • Through words or behaviors

  27. Social Mirror Used to form images and judgments of ourselves: • I’m Obstinate • I’m Stubborn • I’m Difficult Often inaccurate and thereby limiting.

  28. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Our perception influences the way we treat our child

  29. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy What we believe about others or ourselves can become true, because we tend to act in accordance with what we believe.

  30. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Our expectation may HELP or HINDER the child by influencing his or her self-perceptions Kids are apt to live up to or down to what they believe/perceive to be expected of them

  31. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy We communicate through: • Our words (7%) • Our tone of voice (38%) • Our non-verbal (55%) • facial expressions • Touch • Posture

  32. Label Activity – Part B • Write one word that describes your child on the good days? • What do you enjoy most about your ‘more’ child?

  33. A New Perspective • Positive • Assertive • Expressive • Creative • Dramatic • Honest • Curious • Careful • Persistent • Selective Negative • Aggressive • Loud • Manipulative • Wild • Mouthy • Nosy • Anxious • Demanding • Picky

  34. A New Perspective cont. When we hold a vision of the potential it gives us HOPE! It gives us enough energy to teach and practice the skills needed to turn – behaviors into + strengths.

  35. A New Perspective cont. Our responsibility, as parents/caregivers is to: Guide and teach appropriate and socially acceptable ways of dealing with intense emotions.

  36. Practice…Practice…Practice • ID a recent situation when child was whiny. • Work with person next to you. • What words could be used to help them understand what they are experiencing? • To give them and you a new perspective.

  37. A New Perspective • Does re-labeling your ‘more’ child’s behavior make the behavior acceptable? • NO! • Re-labeling helps us develop a + picture of our child that reminds us of their value and potential.

  38. Basic Change Model How our perceptions influence our behavior and attitudes and the results we get with children

  39. See Do Get Basic Change Model Change Model

  40. See Do Get Basic Change Model Change Model • Think about your own child and the change model. • What have you learned about how yourperception of your child might be affecting your relationship? Talk to your neighbor about this.

  41. Strategies • DEFINE – recognize how the trait effects the child’s behavior. • AVOID - the incorrect labels that demean the child and pass judgment 3. SAY THIS - label the true behavior for the child. Be consistent so the child understands what is happening to him/her.

  42. Strategies • Finally, DO THIS – take action. Do what needs to be done in a + manner. • Remember your child is not doing this ‘on purpose’.

  43. General Strategies Summary: • Accept child as they are. • Have reasonable expectations. • Realize what triggers the behavior and change the environment to eliminate or reduce the trigger.

  44. General Strategies continued: • Identify (name) what is happening and teach your child how to handle difficult situations. • Make eye contact • Use images, action and words to communicate your message.

  45. Temperament Characteristics Activity – Part II • Place your three dots on three different characteristics of your child that challenge you. • Select the 1 that is your ‘most’ challenging characteristic. • Stand by it.

  46. Temperament Characteristics Continuum activity cont. • Where you are standing now is your new discussion group. • Review your information, add your own strategies. • Use the strategy board to help you. • Select a reporter to report back which strategies you will try and why.

  47. Going Further –On Your Own • On the Temperament Characteristics Continuum, using a different symbol, plot other significant adults or siblings in the child’s life. • What a-ha’s did you get?

  48. Going Further – On Your Own • Check out other resources on thriving with your spirited child. • Start with the reference list on the front of the Temperament Traits Parent Reference Packet.

  49. Closing Activity Distribute the ABC’s sheet Using the ABC’s sheet find the letters of your ‘more’ child’s name and create a new picture of your child

  50. I have an nthusiastic ore ndependent ively ouza Child. . . and I’m glad for it!

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