Taking Care of yourself Through “Wholehearted Living”

Taking Care of yourself Through “Wholehearted Living” Practicing Ethical Self Care Debbie Emmelkamp, MSW, LCSW

Learning objectives • Self Care Assessment • Defining Wholehearted Living • Defining Courage, Compassion, and Connection • Ten Guideposts to Wholehearted Living • Code of Ethics and Self Care • Missouri Licensure Rules

“Care providers are unique people. We have the gift of being able to connect with others in ways that are difficult to explain and even more difficult for others to understand. Our unique ability to emotionally join with our clients that allows us a near first-hand experience of their inner world is perhaps our greatest gift: it is also our greatest challenge.” -Karl La Rowe

Self care assessment

Wholehearted living “Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” The Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brene Brown

Courage Original meaning “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart” Ordinary Courage • Being vulnerable • Asking for what you need • Asking for help The Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brene Brown

Compassion “In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of our experience-our suffering, our empathy, as well as our cruelty and terror. It has to be this way. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” The Places That Scare You by PemaChodron

Connection “Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” The Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brene Brown

Obstacles to wholehearted living • Shame • “…the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging” • Fear • Vulnerability The Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brene Brown

Cultivating AuthenticityLetting Go of What People think “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Choosing Authenticity means: • Cultivating the courage to be imperfect, set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; • Exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; • Nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.

Cultivating self compassionLetting Go of Perfectionism • Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. • It’s not about healthy achievement and growth. • It’s a way to minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. • Perfectionism is not self improvement. • It’s about trying to earn approval and acceptance- Please. Perform. Perfect. • Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system. • It’s an unattainable goal. • We become entrenched in our quest to live, look and do everything just right.

Cultivating self compassionLetting Go of Perfectionism Self Compassion has three elements: 1. Self kindness: being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self criticism. 2. Common Humanity: recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. 3. Mindfulness: taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. We cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Dr. Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion Research Lab

Cultivating a resilient spiritLetting go of Numbing and Powerlessness Resilience: the ability to overcome adversity. Five most common factors of resilient people • They are resourceful and have good problem solving skills. • They are more likely to seek help. • They hold the belief that they can do something that will help them to manage their feelings and to cope. • They have social support available to them. • They are connected with others, such as family and friends.

Cultivating a resilient spiritLetting go of Numbing and Powerlessness “Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.” -Dr. Brene Brown

Cultivating a resilient spiritLetting go of Numbing and Powerlessness Hope: is not an emotion; it’s a way of thinking. • I know where I want to go • I know how to get there, I’m persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again. • I can do this! Power: the ability to effect change. Without purpose, meaning, and perspective, it is easy to lose hope, numb our emotions, or become overwhelmed by our circumstances. We feel reduced, less capable, and lost in the face of struggle.

Cultivating gratitude and joyletting go of scarcity and fear of the dark Dr. Brown’s researched showed three patterns for people living Wholehearted lives. • Every person who described living a joyful life practiced gratitude. • Both joy and gratitude were described as spiritual practices that were bound to a belief in human interconnectedness and a power greater than us. • Pointed out differences between happiness and joy as the difference between human emotion that’s connected to circumstances and a spiritual way of engaging with the world that is connected to practicing gratitude.

Cultivating gratitude and joyletting go of scarcity and fear of the dark Scarcity • We have to let go of scarcity and move toward sufficiency. • Sufficiency is not an amount. It’s an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough and that we are enough. • Sufficiency is an intentional choosing of the way we think about our circumstances. • There is value in ordinary. • “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” – Marianne Williamson

Cultivating gratitude and joyletting go of scarcity and fear of the dark Fear of the Dark • We have to overcome our feelings of vulnerability and fear. • Until we can tolerate vulnerability and transform it into gratitude, intense feelings of love will often bring up the fear of loss. “The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”

Cultivating intuition & trusting faithLetting go of the need for Certainty Intuition • Is not a single way of knowing-it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason. Faith • Is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.

Cultivating creativityletting go of comparison • Comparison • Is about conformity and competition • It’s not cultivate self acceptance, belonging, and authenticity; it’s be just like everyone else, but better. • It’s the thief of happiness. • Creativity • Is the expression of our own originality. • Helps stay mindful that what we bring to the world is completely original and cannot be compared. • The only unique contribution we will ever make will be born out of our creativity. • If we want to make meaning, we need to make art. As long as we are creating, we’re cultivating meaning.

Cultivating Play and restLetting go of exhaustion as status symbol & productivity as self worth • Play is critically important • Shapes our brain • Fosters empathy • Helps us navigate complex social groups • Core of creativity and innovation • Essential to our health • Play can transform work • Bring back excitement and newness • Help us deal with difficulties • Provide sense of expansiveness • Promotes mastery of our craft • Essential to the creative process • Only path to finding lasting joy and satisfaction Dr. Staurt Brown

Cultivating Play and restLetting go of exhaustion as status symbol & productivity as self worth • We need to respect our bodies need for renewal. • Insufficient sleep is associated with several chronic diseases and conditions, including heart disease, diabetes, obesity, and depression. • Drowsy driving is also dangerous and is equivalent to driving while intoxicated. • Our culture views exhaustion as a status symbol of hard work and sleep is a luxury. • We are a nation of exhausted and overstressed adults raising overscheduled children.

Cultivating calm and stillnessletting go of anxiety as a lifestyle Dr. Harriet Lerner’s responses to anxiety: Overfunctioners: • Move quickly to advise • Rescue • Take over • Micromanage • Get in other people’s business rather than look inward Underfunctioners: • Get less competent under stress • Invite others to take over • Become family focus of gossip, worry, or concern • Get labeled “irresponsible” “problem child” “fragile one”

Cultivating calm and stillnessletting go of anxiety as a lifestyle Calm • Creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity • Bring perspective to complicated situations, feel your feelings without reacting to heighten emotions like fear and anger • “Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm”- Harriet Lerner • Breathing is the best place to start.

Cultivating calm and stillnessletting go of anxiety as a lifestyle Stillness • It’s not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question. • Meditation, prayer, quiet reflection, alone time, any way to quiet the mind and body to feel less anxious and overwhelmed

Cultivating meaningful workletting go of self doubt and “supposed to” Meaningful work • We all have gifts and talents. • Squandering our gifts brings distress to our lives. • Sharing our gifts and talents with the world is the most powerful source of connection with God. • Using our talents and gifts to create meaningful work takes a tremendous amount of commitment. • Meaning is unique to each of us.

Cultivating meaningful workletting go of self doubt and “supposed to” • Self doubt undermines the process of finding our gifts and sharing them with the world. • Self doubt is letting our fear undermine our faith. • Overcoming self doubt is all about believing we’re enough and letting go of what the world says we’re supposed to be and supposed to call ourselves. • “Don’t ask the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Cultivating laughter, song & danceletting go of being cool and “always in control” • Throughout history, we’ve relied on laughter, song, and dance: • To express ourselves • To communicate our stories • To communicate our emotions • To celebrate • To mourn • To nurture community

Cultivating laughter, song & danceletting go of being cool and “always in control” “Laughter, song, and dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing: We are not alone.”-Dr. Brene Brown

NASW Policy Statement on Professional Self Care “NASW supports the practice of professional self care for social workers as a means of maintaining their competence, strengthening the profession, and preserving the integrity of their work with clients.”

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Commitment to Clients 1.01 • Social workers’ primary responsibility is to promote the well-being of clients. In general, clients’ interest are primary. However, social workers’ responsibility to the larger society or specific legal obligations may on limited occasions supersede the loyalty owed clients, and clients should be advised. (Examples include when a social worker is required by law to report that a client has abused a child or has threatened to harm self or others.)

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Respect to Colleagues 2.01(a) • Social workers should treat colleagues with respect and should represent accurately and fairly the qualifications, views, and obligations of colleagues.

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Impairment of Colleagues 2.09 (a) • Social workers who have direct knowledge of a social work colleague’s impairment that is due to personal problems, psychosocial distress, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties and that interferes with practice effectiveness should consult with that colleague when feasible and assist the colleague in taking remedial action.

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Impairment of Colleagues 2.09 (b) • Social workers who believe that a social work colleague’s impairment interferes with practice effectiveness and that the colleague has not taken adequate steps to address the impairment should take action through appropriate channels established by employers, agencies, NASW, licensing and regulatory bodies, and other professional organizations.

American Counseling Association’s Code of ethics • Impairment C.2.g • Counselors are alert to the signs of impairment from their own physical, mental, or emotional problems and refrain from offering or providing professional services when such impairment is likely to harm a client or others. They seek assistance for problems that reach the level of professional impairment, and if necessary, they limit, suspend, or terminate their professional responsibilities until such time it is determined that they may safely resume their work. Counselors assist colleagues or supervisors in recognizing their own professional impairment and provide consultation and assistance when warranted with colleagues or supervisors showing signs of impairment and intervene as appropriate to prevent imminent harm to clients. (see A.11.b, F.8.b)

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Commitments to Employers 3.09 (a) (b) (c) • (a) Social workers generally should adhere to commitments make to employers and employing organizations. • (b) Social workers should work to improve employing agencies’ policies and procedures and the efficiency and effectiveness of their services. • (c) Social workers should take reasonable steps to ensure that employers are aware of social workers’ ethical obligations as set forth in the NASW Code of Ethics and of the implications of those obligations for social work practice.

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Competence 4.01 (a) • Social workers should accept responsibility or employment only on the basis of existing competence or the intention to acquire the necessary competence.

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Impairment 4.05 (a) • Social workers should not allow their own personal problems, psychosocial distress, legal problems, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties to interfere with their professional judgment and performance or to jeopardize the best interests of people for whom they have a professional responsibility.

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Impairment 4.05 (b) • Social workers whose personal problems, psychosocial distress, legal problems, substance abuse, or mental health difficulties to interfere with their professional judgment and performance should immediately seek consultation and take appropriate remedial action by seeking professional help, making adjustments in workload, terminating practice, or taking any other steps necessary to protect clients and others.

NASW Code of ethics and self care • Ethical Standard: Integrity of the Profession 5.01 (a) (b) • (a) Social workers should work toward the maintenance and promotion of high standards of practice. • (b) Social workers should uphold and advance the values, ethics, knowledge, and mission of the profession. Social workers should protect, enhance, and improve the integrity of the profession through appropriate study and research, active discussion, and responsible criticism of the profession.

Missouri Licensure Rules • Social Workers: 20 CSR 2263-3.040: Client Relationships • (4) A member of the profession should be aware of his/her own mental health and emotional stability and the effect those have on his/her ability to provide appropriate services to clients. A member of the profession shall not undertake or continue a professional relationship with a client when the competency of the member is or reasonability could be expected to be impaired due to mental, emotional, physiologic, pharmacologic, or substance abuse conditions. If that condition develops after a professional relationship has been initiated, the member shall notify the client in writing of a termination of services and shall assist the client in obtaining services from another professional.

Missouri licensure rules • Counselors 20 CSR 2095-3.010 Scope of Coverage • (10) The counselor shall not undertake or continue therapeutic relationship with a client when the objectivity or competency of the counselor is or is reasonably expected to be impaired because of emotional, mental, psychological, or substance abuse disorder. If a counselor’s objectivity or competency becomes impaired due to an emotional, mental, psychological, or substance abuse disorder after a therapeutic relationship has been initiated , the counselor shall terminate the therapeutic relationship by notifying the client in writing of the termination and provide written documentation that the client was informed concerning the termination of the therapeutic relationship.

“If social workers are to thrive in their careers within current work environments, they cannot let their energy be constantly depleted through lack of self-care. Social workers owe it to themselves first, and their work, clients and families to prioritize a healthy lifestyle and make self-care a part of their regular routine.” Tracy Whitaker, Director-NASW Center for Workforce Studies

Presentation content disclaimer The information provided in this power point presentation is intended to be a general summary or resource information for dissemination to professional social workers. It is not intended to take the place of either written law, regulations, or Code of Ethics. The presenter makes reasonable efforts to keep the power point content current and to correct errors brought to the attention of the presenter. No responsibility is assured or implied for errors or omissions created or caused by technical difficulties. No one shall be entitled to claim detrimental reliance thereon.

Taking Care of yourself Through “Wholehearted Living”