Focus on T he Family Q1 Theme MANAGING & RESOLVING CONFLICTS

1. Focus on The Family Q1 ThemeMANAGING & RESOLVING CONFLICTS February 23: Communicating Effectively Through Differences

2. Reminder - The Value of a Vision… • “When two people are together in any endeavor in life, it is only possible for them to remain unified and productive if they both share the same vision and purpose. Therefore, it is of paramount importance that every couple hoping to succeed take the time and energy to get God’s vision for their marriage.” – Jimmy Evans (Marriage Today) • Question: • How many families have taken some time out (at home or elsewhere) to use the materials provided to evaluate and define your Family's VISION?

3. #1: Misunderstanding • CAUSES: POOR COMMUNICATION • What exactly is communication? • The imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs • (Unabridged Dictionary) • The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior. • (American Heritage Dictionary)

4. #1: Misunderstanding • Communication does not occur only when you speak… • Non-verbal communication makes up about 80 percent of any given conversation • Examples of Nonverbal Communication: • Body language • Facial expressions • Gestures • Behavior

5. #1: Misunderstanding • QUESTION: • HOW THEN DO WE ENSURE THAT WE ARE COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY IN OUR FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS? • Between • Man & Wife • Parents & Children • With 3rd Parties & Extended Family

6. #1: Misunderstanding • PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS • Understand basic gender differences! • Men look at situation as a whole, while women rely on details and nuances (hints)

8. Why Communicate? • Communication is defined as the exchange of information and transmission of meaning. • We communicate to exchange information with others, direct action, share information, build trust, and foster acceptance.

9. The Goal of Communication • The primary goal of communication is to foster understanding between the sender and the receiver • When the receiver does not understand the sender it is miscommunication or misconception

10. Noise • The role of noise is to distort the message from the sender before it gets to the receiver! • That is why we make statements like • “That is not what I meant” • i.e. Noise has distorted what is meant by the sender before the message reaches the receiver

11. Minimizing Noise • Men & women are fundamentally different • Our differences affects effective communication because it is a source of “noise” • The goal of spouses (and with children) is to minimize the level of noisein their communication cycle

12. Male & Female Differences Male Female Functions on Emotions & Feelings She is expressing what she is feeling when communicating • Functions on Logic (Logical Thinker) • He expresses what he is thinking when communicating

13. Male & Female Differences Male Female She does not only hear the words, she feels the words Never tell a woman what you don’t want her to feel NB: Be careful how you talk to a woman who is not your wife • Words are only information • The Information does not affect his emotion…it is only fact or figures to him

14. Male & Female Differences Male Female She takes everything personally She takes everything you say personal! • To him everything is impersonal • Negative words have little or no impact on the man

15. Male & Female Differences Male Female She is interested in the details What, when, where? • He is interested only in the principle • He is only interested in the gist of things?

16. Male & Female Differences Male Female She is not asking you to solve the problem She is simply expressing how she feels • He quickly analyzes the words and begins to propose solution alternatives • Uses words like “the fact of the matter is”

17. Male & Female Differences Male Female She is like a computer disk…she never forgets anything you say! Never say to a woman what you don’t want her to remember • Men are like filing cabinets…you put the information there and forget it! • They say it and forget it!

18. Male & Female Differences Male Female She never forgets! Ever wonder how she remembers the details of what you said 15years ago? • Have to be told things over & over again • He only remembers the gist of things

19. Male & Female Differences Male Female Her home is an extension of her personality It is her domain! She needs to feel you care about things around the house that bother her • His job / work is an extension of his personality • God gave work to man before He gave her the woman (Gen 2:15)

20. Male & Female Differences Male Female She needs stability & security She needs to know she can trust you completely This is why she needs to hear from you “I Love You” everyday • Can function in a unstable situation or environment

21. Male & Female Differences Male Female Tends to be guilt prone She walks with the weight of a guilt She thinks: what did I do wrong? • Tend to be resentful when corrected

22. Male & Female Differences Male Female Tends to get involved in things easily Less rational…if it feels good, it has t be good! • Evaluates the situation before getting involved

23. To Avoid Misunderstanding • Understand basic gender differences & its effect on effective communication!

24. Your Goal: Minimizing Noise • Our differences affects effective communication because it is a source of “noise” • The goal of spouses (and with children) is to minimize the level of noisein their communication cycle